My husband and I were "just friends" and nothing more for 2 straight years..We fell in love at some point and got married and did "good" together...My husband and I were happily married for nearly 25 years until he passed away...Our life was exciting because we both came up with new ideas all the time and went on "new adventures" together!

My husband and I were "just friends" and nothing more for 2 straight years..We fell in love at some point and got married and did "good" together...My husband and I were happily married for nearly 25 years until he passed away...Our life was exciting because we both came up with new ideas all the time and went on "new adventures" together!

I used to feel way younger than my age and limber etc..But now I'm "dragging" at times. Over the past couple of years I've lost my husband and both of my grown "kids" and 4 cats. (And you name it!)...I know it's taken a big toll on me..Hopefully I'll be able to feel "young at heart" and happy and carefree again at some point down the road!

Leigh...I think flattery is a form of manipulation. Don't you?...If a man sends me an email that starts off with "Hello Beautiful" I know he's hoping to get in my "good graces." He thinks that flattery will help him get in the door...But it has the totally opposite effect on me..I don't want to be "buttered-up" or charmed or conned...I'm suspicious of people who rely on compliments and flattery. It makes me think of traveling salesmen who used to drive into town and "fed" the residents "lines of baloney" to get them to buy products...Flattery may work with some people but not everyone...When I was growing-up my parents warned me not to take everything that people said to me at "face value." They said that some people might use so-called "charm" and flattery to try to win me over or manipulate me.

LOL....You're right! It would have been better if he'd just talked to me about his feelings...I made myself go over and tell him that my son passed away before he heard it from someone else..The visit went okay. He didn't try to "jump me" again and I'm glad.

Guess they try to be clever and cagey!

I guess we're all expected to play out "set roles."...Personally I enjoy being free to be who I want to be. (At any given point in time.)..Roles are too confining and suffocating for me.

AthenaRose...Thanks for your caring post. I'm so sorry that you lost your Mother...When and if I ever decide to start dating again I will be looking for men who took the time and effort to "heal" from their past hurts and "wounds."...This is what my husband did concerning his first marriage. He wasn't angry or bitter when we met. He worked to "make peace" with his past.. He looked at the mistakes that he felt he made himself (through the years) and didn't put all of the blame on his first wife.. And he came to a place of acceptance about everything...This is what I did too concerning my past. So we were both ready to fall in love again without bringing a lot of "old baggage" and "unfinished business" into our marriage and brand new relationship.

Why do some men feel that they have to flatter a woman or comment on her supposed "beauty" in first-encounter emails?...This just seems really "old-school" to me. It brings back memories of old movies like "Gone with the Wind" or "An Affair to Remember" or ?..We live in modern times now where women hold down jobs along with raising kids (as single parents) and some women might be putting in "all-nighters" to study for advanced degrees etc...All the "gushy names" just don't seem relevant or appropriate the way they might have in the olden days.

Women are always tagged as the "manipulative ones." But it's obvious that men can be manipulative too.

Good topic! You hit the nail on the head when you mentioned acting like "obstinate children!"..I think we all get stuck in our "kid-selves" at times where we refuse to compromise or look at other sides..It becomes: "My way or the highway!" And it's sad..So many couples act like competitive brothers and sisters who play-out sibling rivalry...We can't really solve problems in healthy and productive ways unless we step into our adult and "grown-up selves."...Then "winning" is all about finding solutions that work for everyone. (Versus one person "winning" at the expense of the relationship.)

Last year a longtime family friend suddenly grabbed and hugged me and tried to kiss me just out of the blue..He told me that he had feelings for me...I've known this man for years and he knew my husband too. (He's a neighbor.)...My son was struggling with brain tumors last year so my neighbor stopped by to ask about my son once in awhile..I told him many times that I wasn't over losing my husband yet. And I was on the brink of losing my son too...Guess he felt sorry for me. But after he tried to grab and kiss me that day I've kept my distance from him. (Even though we had a "talk" and he seemed to handle things okay.)..It's sad because I liked the neighbor a lot as a friend. He could be caring and sensitive and fun and playful too...Maybe things might have turned out differently if he didn't grab me and try to steal a kiss that day!

Thanks...

AthenaRose...Thanks for sharing your views about love..It's sad when love turns to hate after a marriage or relationship breaks up. Don't you think?.. Was the love that people had for each other in the beginning "real" or not? Or was their love based on illusions?...If I'd been seeing a man for a long time and it seemed like we were both in love with each other I might break the ice and say "I love you" first..But I'd add qualifiers as I mentioned earlier. (By stating that he was under no obligation to say he loved me back.)...Hopefully I would know a great deal about the man and his past before it got to this point. I would never bring up love to a man who still seemed angry and bitter at his ex-partners. Or a man who still seemed madly in love with his deceased wife...But if I'd been seeing a man for a long time who had peace about his past and showed love for me I might be the first to bring it up...I'd prepare myself for a wide variety of reactions. And I'd make it okay if he wasn't ready to commit to love quite yet. (Or maybe ever with me.)...I know I'm not ready to fall in love again right now so I don't date. I still have grief to work-through over losing my husband to cancer.

Here's how it plays out: "As far as I'm concerned you have no rights at all. I'm the only one who has rights...I have the right to call you any name I want to call you and you don't have the right to object or complain...You are who I say you are...I am king and god and lord and master and what I say goes..You are way down at the bottom of the totem pole with no rights at all...I call the shots. I say 'what's what' and 'whose who' not you...If I want to call you honey or sweetheart or darling (or any other name of my choosing) don't you dare contradict me...I make the rules not you...You have no rights. You live under my thumb and domain."

My husband and I were "just friends" and nothing more for two years...Gradually we both started feeling "more" for each other and eventually fell in love...We were happily married for nearly 25 years until he passed away in 2010. (Sad!)..We had a lot of common interests but we weren't total clones and carbon-copies of each other either. And this kept things interesting. We didn't let our differences damage or destroy the love we had for each other.

AthenaRose...I agree with you wrote earlier. I think there are different levels of love too. (And shades and varieties of love.)...We can love and enjoy and value and appreciate people for "who they are.".. Or we can love people in narcissistic and rather self-centered ways based on our own wants and needs and who we expect them to "be" to please us and make us happy...What do you think?.. If I decided to tell a man that I loved him before he brought up talk about love himself I would probably go into depth trying to explain myself..For starters I'm sure I'd say that he was under no obligation to love me back. How do you think you might handle it?

I think it's important to "listen and learn" and look at all sides when differences and problems pop-up.. Naturally we're going to have our own feelings and our own side about each and every issue...What seems "right" to us may or may not "feel right" or "seem right" to someone else...My husband grew-up with 4 older brothers and he was put-down a lot when he was small and tagged the "runt" of the family...It took my husband awhile to feel comfortable being called "sweetie-pie" kinds of names after we got married and I definitely understood and took his feelings and past experiences into consideration...Some men may be a little homophobic and would take offense if they were called "girlie" or "sissy" type names...I don't think a black man in the USA would like to be called "boy" today based on our past history of slavery...There's just no telling how names and terms may affect someone...This is why I tread lightly and try to stay neutral when I'm addressing strangers. It takes awhile to get to know people and find out what they like or don't like etc...I would never dream of addressing a strange man with terms like "pretty boy" or "sweet cakes" or even "hunk." I don't assume that all men like or want the same things...We're not clones or carbon-copies of each other simply based on our gender.

navygirl...Personally I think it's better to stay on the "safe side" when it comes to addressing people..I don't want to offend anyone or start off on the wrong "track" or "foot" right off the bat..All throughout history ethnic groups and minorities have had to deal with negative labels and names or terms that have been imposed on them by society...As a woman I don't consider myself every man's honey or darling or sweetheart etc...I've always saved terms of endearment for my "one and only" when I'm in a secure and committed relationship..I know customs vary from region to region. But I try to stay neutral and avoid certain terms and words when I'm dealing with people I don't know well or just in general because I don't want to say the wrong thing and end up insulting someone. Or end up pushing people away due to my language and approach..How do you feel about it?

I agree...I just received a note that said: "Hello sweetheart." (And nothing else.)...This is 2013 and I'm an old lady now. I've lived a long life and I'm a widow who was happily married for decades...The cutie-pie names don't really fit me...I'm grateful to have a place to discuss this openly. I don't want to do "rant posts" or "rant" in my profile..I don't want to be mean and nasty. But the cutie-pie names do annoy me.