AthenaRose....I get nervous if someone goes overboard with excessive compliments early-on too..How do you feel about it? A few compliments here and there are nice (and appreciated) if they seem sincere...My Mom used to accuse people of trying to "butter her up" (or manipulate her) if someone "shot" non-stop compliments at her.. She did it in a friendly and playful way but she got her point across just the same...I don't want to be "swooped-up" and taken for a "ride." I don't want to be indebted or beholden to anyone either..I become suspicious when someone tells me he loves me early-on. Or when a man tries to shower me with "flattery" and excessive compliments when it just doesn't seem appropriate or truly sincere. How do you feel about it? Thanks for responding.

It spooks me out if someone tells me he loves me early-on. (When we've haven't known each other very long.) Red flags go up for me...It seems like a trap. As in: "I told you that I love you and now you owe it to me to love me back!" YUK!.. Talk about high-powered manipulation and pressure!..I think it's best to wait until a relationship has a strong foundation and it's obvious that both partners want "more."

I think it works both ways. (For men and women.)...Our partners aren't "things" or our "possessions." Nobody wants to be "talked at" when they are concentrating on something or watching a favorite show or movie..Constant interruptions can be annoying and disrespectful...It's unfair to expect our mate to drop everything and be "on call" for us 24/7...This is how young kids act with their parents and they have to be taught to respect other peoples' boundaries.

I was in a couple of relationships that could be toxic in the past..It becomes a game of "tit for tat" and emotional blackmail. And things can sure get ugly. YUK!...I think it takes a certain level of maturity to avoid playing "gotcha games" in relationships. Don't you?...Some couples act like brothers and sisters who are stuck in perpetual sibling rivalry...There's too much competition. (Versus caring and sharing and working through problems as best-best friends.)

One of my friends has a lot of "closed-door issues" with her husband. They know that bringing up these issues will lead to heated debates and arguments. Texas Soundrel talked about this in his post..It reminds me of the gridlock and "standstills" that go on in Congress today..I'm glad that my husband and I found ways to discuss things openly and worked to find compromises when need be..It's no fun to live in a potential "war zone" with hidden field mines all over the place.

I don't rush into anything. (Relationships included.).. My husband and I were just friends and "best buddies" for two years before love entered the picture..I think it takes time to see if people are truly compatible with us. By the time my husband and I finally got married we knew each other really well and discussed everything...We talked about how we wanted to be close without smothering each other...Right from the start we gave each other space and encouragement to continue growing as separate and unique individuals..This was our insurance policy to avoid getting bored with each other. Each day was full of surprises.. We were glad that we both had a mind and ideas and insights and interests of our very own.

navygirl...I probably sound like a picky and obsessive compulsive person from my last few posts. But this isn't really true. I'm usually pretty easy-going...I guess I just spend time with people who don't "grab" or do things without asking first...The premise of this thread kind of shocked me...No one has ever changed the radio station in my car without asking about it first. And I haven't done this when I've been with other people in their cars either..It seems like kind of a "power trip" to me... I've known people who made a big deal about having to sit in the front passenger seat versus the back seat. (As if sitting in the back meant they would be considered of "lower status.")...People play all kinds of silly games to feel "on top" and important and special. Or in control etc. Don't you think?

navygirl..I admire your guts and courage. I'm sure you gained a lot of confidence and skills when you served in the Military police...I'm glad the guy ran off and glad you're okay...Personally it does seem strange to me that no one stopped to offer some help or back-up. I wonder if anyone called the police from their cell phone..Anyway I'm proud of you for handling the situation by yourself. You know what you're doing and have skills and experience based on your background.

navygirl...I agree. Some people are just being themselves and doing what they normally do and don't have bad intentions..We all come from different cultures and have different sets of norms...It just seems easier to be with people who share a little more of our norms...No matter how nice we try to be it is weird to tell someone we prefer that they ask us first before they just reach over and change the radio station..We can come across as a weirdo or control freak or a parent figure..Don't you think? And it can create an odd situation and resentment in the other person because they want to feel relaxed and free. (Not controlled by us.)..I've always done best when I seek out people with more boundaries. (People who don't fiddle with other peoples' things without asking first.)

I enjoy being around "free" and non-conventional thinkers. (Versus someone who is a "mimic" or "copy-cat" and always quoting other people.)

I wouldn't want to be with a man who seemed "married" to his money or so-called status or position in life..Or a man who was "married" to his ego or muscles or material "stuff!"..It's dangerous to get involved with a man who hasn't "made peace" with his past. (And taken time out to process his old anger and hurts and wounds and grief from all "sides.") This is how I feel anyway...I'd be looking for someone who seemed "free and clear" and happy and "at peace."..This was the state my husband was in when we met. He had worked through his old issues from his first marriage and "owned-up" to the mistakes he felt he made too..I did a lot of work to "heal" from my past (too) so I wasn't walking around "mad" either..We were happy by ourselves and ready to be happy together.

If someone changed the radio station (or TV channel) without saying something about it and asking me first it would definitely bug me..It would make me feel as if I didn't exist or matter at all..I'm used to conferring about things and checking with others..The world doesn't revolve around "just me." I don't feel entitled to do whatever I want without considering the wants and needs of others..And I don't want to be treated like an "invisible nothing" who doesn't count or matter either...Guess I'm big on having boundaries and showing respect and consideration for other people..My husband and I were married for 24 years and we always talked to each other before we changed the TV channel or radio station etc. (Just out of consideration for each other.)

It's hard to get to know someone who doesn't open up and talk very much..For a relationship to be successful I think both partners have to be willing to reveal "who they are."...No one should have to guess what the other person wants or needs...I think it's good to be a little modest and humble. (Versus arrogant and conceited.) But there has to be a certain level of confidence and self-esteem (and a willingness to talk) for a relationship to be mutually satisfying. This is how I feel anyway.

navygirl..Doesn't it seem like boasting and bragging to go on and on about being "nice?" I admire men (and women) who try to "own-up" to what they might have done differently (themselves) in their past marriages or relationships...I've done this myself so I won't keep making the same mistakes over and over again...My husband did the same thing on his own before we met..He didn't blame his first wife for all the problems. He looked at mistakes he felt he made too...We all make mistakes. And everyone who crosses our path isn't going to fall madly in love with us...In the past some guys "felt more" for me than I "felt" for them and vica-versa...I didn't throw a tantrum and get stuck in the "blame mode" just because they didn't have deeper feelings for me...I didn't insist that I was "good" and "nice" and "perfect." And label them "bad" or "stupid" for not falling in love with me.

Navygirl..I agree too...It can be a way to protect their ego...I also agree with what you wrote awhile back when it comes to men who call and "market themselves" as "nice."...Do you call or refer to yourself as "nice" very often or boast and brag about being "nice?" I don't!..And I get nervous if someone starts calling me "nice" all the time..I usually protest and tell them that I'm not really a "saint" or perfect person. And I may start pointing out my flaws to get my point across. How about you?

Back when I was dating some guys just didn't seem to have strongly developed personalities of their own...It's not about being mean or a jerk..I think we all have to have something unique and special to offer to others.. It's about being interesting and intriguing and even entertaining..Some of the guys I dated hadn't come into their "own" yet. I had to start a lot of the conversations and do most of the planning when it came to dates etc.. Maybe they waited for me to make suggestions because they wanted to be "nice" and "pleasing" and thoughtful and compliant or ?? But it got boring after awhile...I dated other men who had minds and ideas of their own and this kept things more interesting. And I didn't have to do all the work...They weren't mean or dominate or pushy or aggressive. Just interesting! And intriguing and full of surprises. We took turns coming up with ideas. Everything wasn't on my shoulders.

It's not just a matter of being "nice." Too much "nice" without any "substance" can be boring..It's like eating a can of frosting all by itself with no cake!..Or drinking "A-1 Sauce" straight from the bottle with no steak or meat..There has to be some sort of a "match" and "mutual click" on both sides to give a relationship a strong foundation. If things are just one-sided a relationship won't last.

We all have our very own individual tastes and preferences when it comes to people and everything in life..I wouldn't want to guilt-trip someone into "liking me." (As parents might try to guilt-trip their kids into "liking" and eating spinach!)...The reality is that everyone isn't going to be attracted to us! And I don't want to bring out any shot-guns to try to force someone to "like" and "want me!".. No thank you!

I get turned-off by "know-it-alls." (People who think they know so much MORE than everyone else.)..I prefer to be around people who tend to be modest and humble. (Versus arrogant and self-righteous.)

Do you sing or play instruments? Just curious...