I have seen first hand how true this is everyday on my way to work.


>A Somalian arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States.

>He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country , giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and free education!"

>The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am Mexican."

>The man goes on and encounters another passerby.
>"Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America!"

>The person says, "I not American, I am Vietnamese."

>The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, "Thank you for the wonderful America!"

>That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East, I am not American!"

> He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an American?"

>She says, "No, I am from Africa!"

>Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"

>The African lady checks her watch and says,"Probably at work".

So does a good hard SMACK upside the head!!!

I came across this and thought it was beautiful, so I posted it.



On the Wings of Dreams
By Dawn M. Wille

On the Wings of Dreams
I'm flying free
with a dreamer's dream,
To a land without fear, darkness, and doubt;
Where shadows and hauntings
of all time and space,
Are rainbows with colors that endlessly grace...
happiness, hope, and all joys to embrace.

A land with no storms, without pouring rains,
where changes abound and great comfort remains;
Where all hate is replaced,
all questions erased;
Where new memories are shaped,
with wonderous light...
of romance and love, before out of sight;
A dreamland of heaven without jaded thought,
where butterflies are free,
their colors uncaught;
With milk oceans to see,
fresh air to breathe;
Countless flowers and trees,
fragrancing the soft whispering breeze.
No more webs of deceit,
where lovers have fought;
No battles of hopelessness,
where all love is lost.

Maybe our dreams hold the land of our thoughts,
Or maybe our hearts have learned lessons well taught.
It is the stairway to heaven,
this dreamland we seek...
Hopefully for all is more than a peek...
at a future end to the ultimate pain,
of great loyalty and love...
lost and estranged.

This dance of life I endlessly write,
Is an end to the pain, and every soul's light.
To a life fulfilled at the end of our time...
to dream second chances for new love we can find.
Here's to all of us ending our heavenly climb,
With the company of romance and lovelight sublime.

~DaLady Dawn~

One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.
Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.

So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.

So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"

Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."

Q. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?

A. Because when you take it off, you wonder where her tits went!

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.

In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I''m sorry to bother you, but I''m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket."

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I''ve got a better idea... just for tonight, let''s pretend we''re married."

The woman thinks for a moment. "Why not," she giggles.

"Great," he replies, "Get your own damn blanket!"

A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.
As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride. He said, "Here, put these on."

She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.

"I can't wear your trousers." she said.

"That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."

With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."

He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.

"Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your panties!"

She replied, "That's right...and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."

Ode to Valentine's Day

Hearts and roses and kisses galore...
What the hell is that stuff for
People get mushy and start acting queer
It's definitely the most annoying day of the year.

This day needs to get the hell over with and pass.
Before I shove a dozen roses up Cupid's ass.
I'll spend the day so drunk I can't speak
And wear all black for the rest of the week.


Guys act all sweet but soon it will fade…
For all they are doing is trying to get laid.
The arrow cupid shot at me must not have hit,
Because I think love is a bunch of $#!+.


So there's my story... what can I say…
Love bites ass... SCREW VALENTINE'S DAY!

This guy who works at a pickle factory comes home and hands his wife 50 dollars. She asked him what it was from and he told her that he won it in a bet -- the guys at the factory bet him 50 dollars that he wouldn't stick his **** in the pickle slicer.
The wife was surprised and said she wanted to make sure he was still intact. He pulled down his pants and, indeed, it was all there, unharmed.
“But what about the pickle slicer,” asked the wife, perplexed. “Oh, she liked it too,” answered the husband.

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.

The day came for the final test to see which peson would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man looked horrified and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!" "Well," said the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."

So they brought the second man to the same door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes; then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her; I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job."

"No," the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Now they only had the woman left to test. They led her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances; this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing, one shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, rashing, and banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes; then all went quiet.

The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat the son of a ***** to death with the chair!"

A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite
chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife,
"Quick, bring me a beer before it starts".
She looked at him puzzled, but brought him a beer.
When he finished it, he said,
"Quick, bring me another beer.It's gonna
Start".

This time she looked a little angry, but brought him
his beer.When it was gone, he said,
"Quick, get me another beer before it starts".

"That's it!" She blows her top,
"You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass
down, don't even say hello to me and then
expect me to run around like your slave
getting you beer after beer. Don't you realize that
I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long??"

The husband sighed and said, "Oh ****, it's started".

me 2

I wouldn't mind Double Dang myself

It's a joke dear, have a sense of humor

Have you ever wondered why bras are lettered
A,B,C,D,DD,E,F,G,H
And how the letters are actually used to define
bra sizes?

A...Almost boobs.

B...Barely boobs.

C...Can't complain.

D...Dang.

DD..Double dang.

E...Enormous.

F...Fake.

G...Get a reduction.

H...Help me, I've fallen and can't get up!

He said . . .. I don't know why you wear a bra; you've
got nothing to put in it. She said .. . You wear pants don't you?


He said .. . .Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . That's a good idea - you stand by the
ironing board while I sit on the sofa.

He said . . .. What have you been doing with all the
grocery money I gave you?
She said . Turn sideways and look in the mirror!



On a wall in a ladies room . .. "My husband follows
me everywhere" Written just below it . " I do not"


Q..How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the
world does it take to do the dishes?

A..Both of them.


Q..How does a man show that he is planning for the
future?

A..He buys two cases of beer.


Q..What is the difference between men and government
bonds?

A..The bonds mature.


Q..Why are blonde jokes so short?

A..So men can remember them.


Q..How many men does it take to change a roll of
toilet paper?

A..We don't know; it has never happened.




Q..What do you call a woman who knows where her
husband is every night?

A.. A widow.



Q..Why are married women heavier than single women?

A..Single women come home, see what's in the fridge
and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in
bed and go to the fridge.



Q..What is the one thing that all men at singles bars
have in common?

A..They're married.



Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so
beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her."
But God," the man says, "why did you make her so
dumb?" God says: "So she would love you."