why does it have to be a pickup line?can't a guy just email u a simple
hello how r ya?

There was this guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine who was very
pretty and he liked her a lot.

One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started. Her name
was Clearly and she was absolutely gorgeous. He became quite besotted
with her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in
him too.

But this guy was a loyal man and he wouldn't get involved with Clearly
while he was still going out with Lorraine.

He decided that there was nothing for it but to break up with her and
get it on with the new girl.

He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself
to do it. One day they went for a walk along the river bank when
Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. The current carried her off
and she drowned.

The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and
singing: "I can see Clearly now Lorraine has gone"

OH man that's too funny

Differences Between Men & Women

NICKNAMES: If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they
will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike,
Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer
to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.

EATING OUT: And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each
throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will
have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change
back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.

BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom-a toothbrush, shaving
cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The
average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man
would not be able to identify most of these items.

GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to
the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in
his fridge are half a lime and a soda. Then he goes grocery shopping. He
buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout
counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly
Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the
10-items-or-less lane.

SHOES: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit,
then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a
plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her
dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet
are under the desk. A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.

CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't
looking, men kick cats.

DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants,
empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man
will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

LAUNDRY: Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every
article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip
about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally
out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a
U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always
expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth
perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of "Love, American Style."

OFFSPRING: Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows
about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best
friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man
is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Some reasons why a modem is better than a woman:


A modem doesn't ask for a commitment if you use it. Getting a modem to
obey you is as simple as typing "AT".


When you're done using your modem, you can roll over and go to sleep
without feeling guilty.


A modem won't say a word if you come home late.


A modem can't collect alimony if you decide to dump it.


A modem will always wait patiently by the phone.


You can always get a few bucks for an old modem when a faster model
comes out.


A modem doesn't mind if you call another modem.


A virus you catch from your modem doesn't require a trip to the doctor.


You don't have to bring a modem home to meet your parents. If an error
occurs, Abort, Retry or Fail are the only options you have to worry
about.


Modems come with an instruction manual. Modems have a volume control -
you can even turn the sound OFF.

hello Kristen happy new yr

sat nite bored as hell

still kicking here

Virgo with hazel eyes here

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with
a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their
boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We
have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are
looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor
has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the
men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without
hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and
handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are
tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors
left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and
handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize
that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing,
they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor
was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

A doctor and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband
gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and
storms out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and calls home.

She comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated husband says,
"What took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?" Shouts the doctor.

"Getting a second opinion!"

Welcome and merry christmas

don't know about greeley but here its true lucky to get a few flakes

Mills I'm up around canon city never get much here,they call it the
banana belt around here and no nobody grows bananas lol

Hey mills I'm in colo and we didn't get none of that,just a dusting is
all

hey whats up,cute pup

Yeah can't wait my sons home this year,gonna be great

same to u and everybody else

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an
unusual offer:

"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you
get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey'
and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave
that out."

He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the
pastor looked the young man in the eye and said: "Will you promise to
prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve
her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally
before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at
another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes,"
then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: "I thought we had a deal."

The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She
made me a better offer."

whats up princess