You answer the door before people knock.
- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
- You ski uphill.
- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
- You lick your coffeepot clean.
- You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- You chew on other people's fingernails.
- Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
- You can type sixty words per minute ... with your feet.
- You can jump-start your car without cables.
- Cocaine is a downer.
- You don't need a hammer to pound nails.
- Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
- You don't sweat, you percolate.
- You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
- You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
- You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
- You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
- You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
- Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
- You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
- People get dizzy just watching you.
- You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
- The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
- Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
- Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
- Instant coffee takes too long.
- When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
- You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
- Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
- You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
- You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
- You can thread a sewing machine, while it's running.
- You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
- You short out motion detectors.
- You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
- Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
- You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
- You don't tan, you roast.
- You can't even remember your second cup.
- You help your dog chase its tail.

An American goes into a bar and sits down next to an English guy.

The American notices that the English guy has a huge BIC Lighter.

The American says, "Wow cool lighter, where did you get it?"

The english guy says, "A genie granted me one wish when I rubbed this bottle".

"Wow", says the American, "Can I have a go?"

"Sure", Says the Englishman.

The american rubs the bottle and the genie comes out, "You have one wish" Says the genie.

The American wishes for a million bucks, the genie grants the wish.

About 5 minutes later a load of ducks come into the bar, there are thousands of them.

The American says "I don't believe this I wished for a million bucks, not a million ducks".

The englishman says "Well do you really think i wished for a 12 inch BIC?".

A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to VERY serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a guaranteed weight loss program. "Guaranteed my ass", he thought to himself, but desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3 day 10 pound weight loss program.

The next day there is a knock at his door and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptous, athletic, beautiful babe dressed in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, "If you can catch me you can have me!"

Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.

After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business."

The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost ten pounds, as promised.

So, he calls the company and orders from them their 5 day/ 20 pound program. As expected, the next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunningly beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

He's after her in a shot. This girl is in great shape and it takes a while to catch her, but when he does, it's worth every cramp and wheeze. She is by far the best he's ever had. For the next four days, the same routine happens and much to his delight on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another twenty pounds as promised!

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7 day/50 pound loss program. "Are you sure," asks the representative on the phone, "this is our most rigorous program..." "Absolutely," he replies. "I haven't felt this great in years!"

The next day there is a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink racing spikes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, I can have you!"

A young fellow ran into an old man who was carring a bag.

"What's in the bag?" the youngster asked.

"magic apples", the old man replied.

"Prove it", said the young man.

"Well, besides apples, what is your favorite two fruits?" asked the old man.

"Watermelon and peaches", he answered.

The man handed him an apple and told him to try it out. The boy took a bite and said that it tasted like a watermelon. "Ok, turn it over", he said.

The boy did and took another bite and said that it tasted like a peach.

The youngster still wasn't convinced that they were magic.

The old fellow told him to name something else that he liked to eat.

"I like to eat *****." he snapped.

The man handed him another apple and told him to try it.

He took a big bite, spit it out, wipped his mouth and esclaimed, "That tasted like ****".

The old man looked at him, smiled and said, "Turn it over."

Nude Driving

A man is driving along the motorway with his wife in the passenger seat. During the drive, the wife gets an idea. She starts taking off her clothing piece by piece and tossing them out the window.

The guy is shocked but aroused. She gets her shoes, socks, etc. and chucks them out. Finally, she whips her underwear off and throws it all out onto the motorway. The guy is laughing and leering at her. He looses control of the car in the process and crashes into a barrier at the side.

Unfortunately, the air-bag doesn't go off on his side, and he finds himself wedged in under the steering wheel. "Help, go get help......aggghhhh, I'm stuck", he shouts.

"But I have no clothes on. What'll I do ?", she screams.

"Here", he says wiggling his foot, "Take my shoe and put it over your crotch. It'll have to do, love. Quick, hurry!"

She takes the shoe off his foot and places it over her crotch and gets out of the car, limping and shouting for help. After a few hundred yards of yelling and running a trucker notices this naked hysterical woman holding a shoe over her crotch, and pulls over.

"What's seems to be the trouble?", he asks.

"Help me", she screams, "My husband is stuck".

"If he's stuck up that far I'm afraid I can't help you."

part of my family was in mystic,and all around that place's i know Naugatuck very well .The way i see it it wouldn't hurt to stop by and drop a line and say hello lol i dont bite well not yet but i did have my shot's lol.

That go's for all the perv's out there .

connecticut is nice and it's just right we didnt get much of snow infact it was not bad at all up here.

I wouldn't live in canada not even if u had paid me the winter's up there are bad and cold i dont know how they can handle all that snow not for me lol.

But any how yes i have cat's iam a hudge animal lover here i have cat's,dog's,bird's, fish, u name it and yes even cow's that's on the farm lol.

A country boy at heart what more can a lady ask for .

Well first of all to be able to find that one special women it's like tring to find a needle in a hay stack lol.

Trust me it can be hard out there and what i had seen on other dating site's omg it all has to do with how much money the guy has or what he look's like or if he has his own house ect that's what i seen in other site's .It's almost as what ever happend to look in to some one's heart and soul insted of judging the person first.

Im not judging every women out there by all mean's no. But i have had a very hard time myself and i had people perv my profile but dont send a message or even say hi iam real and iam not in to all that drama and game's that some play.

But i alway's told my self you never know you may get a letter tommow next week or what ever time will tell if the person is true and realy like's what they see and is interested then you will know.

you know when your old when you get up seval times to go to the bath room or when you develope a ton of grey hair lol.

but any how age is only a number it dont matter how old you are its how you feel in side.

my uncl was 84 years old befor he died he still worked on the farm and rode a bike every thing it didnt bother him one bit it all depends how well you take care of your body.

at least we have that in common and have a strong understanding what life is all about it dont matter what a person looks like or who they are as soon as a person see's a person with money or looks or even a place they jump right in to it befor realizing what they are getting them selfs in to .

like i stated they need to get out of the clowds and wake up and realize that life is to damn short to mess around .

Dear op,

I have the answere ,

The problem is that i have been on seval differnt dating site's and i have seen a lot on them all .And what the problem is that to many people are self centerd and very selfish and all they care aboult is what they want and do they find happyness and love i think not.

I believe not in the look's or what they have or who they are because there not perfect and nor am i .

I alway's went from the heart and soul not for who they are because behind the looks ect how dose the person realy know untill they took that chance in getting to know them what if the person had a realy good heart.

But any how i have also noticed a lot of female's dont want a man if they dont own a house,car,a well paying or even better if that man should tell them they had gotten a vasectomy what next the women ups and leaves and never talks to that guy again because all she's doing is thinking of her self.

That's the problem in today's dating site's it's alway's want want and more want never give and the people out there who dose this never understood why they cant find that special some one i wonder why.


Iam real and thank goodness i was raised right i never once judged any one for who they where or what they looked like im what you would call very rare.

I must of viwed seval profile's and that's all i ever seen in them was that it's sad because not every one was born with a silver spoon in there mouth wake up people this is real life not fantasy .

But thats my opion not that iam saying all women are doing it but that is what i have seen on three differnt sites and the worst site to go to is plentyoffish thats all you see there .

to be honest what would realy make me happy is to find a desent person not one who injoys the head games and drama omg .

but besides that my music keeps me pretty much happy and my one close friend i grew up with he stops by time and again so yeah that is what makes me happy.

Thu 05/29/08 07:42 PM
'very true indeed iam so happy for one thing if you can understand my typing then you can read it so if you can read and understand at the same time then thats a god thing lol.

But also my topic was based on a true advent it's very sad to see some one do this to the other.

but as we are all here we are teacher's and also learner's so we pick up new thing's as we go.

Thank's every one, talking about getting old my birthday's on sat the 31 oop's did i give my bday away dang lol.

see some times i mis type i type fast but i went back and corrected it lol

'very true indeed iam so happy for one thing if you can understand my typing then you can read it so if you can read and understand at the same time then thats a god thing lol.

But also my topic was based on a true advent it's very sad to see some one do this to the other.

but as we are all here we are teacher's and also learner's so we pick up new thing's as we go. thank's every one talking about getting old my birthday's on sat the 31 oop's did i geve my bday awa dang lol.

he left her hi and dry today infact she tried to push a fast one on him .

he walked out on her fast and easy well not every one is perfect in spelling we are humen we make mistake's .


But thank you all he was not going to deal with it nor will i. I tell you guy's and gal's i wouldn't alow that to happend to me im to smart for it im real i dont play game's.

Ok here go's sorry for it what iam saying is this if a women had trouble with her x bf and was alone and depressed this man fell sorry for her and talked to her as a friend.

Well a long story short this women fall's in love with the new man and they talk every day on the computer or on the cell.

but there is no time for thease to to spend with she claims to be working every day at mc donald's well any how she ask him if she could live with him knowing he shares a home with to sister's and kid's ect he work's out a deal and tell's her she could move in but in the other hand she tell's him a differnt story say's i have to straiten it out with him first dose this sound to fishy?

also she tell's him she will call but dose not the man who's my friend is upset because he has no clue what's going on so he confronted her today and said he will talk to the x bf and find out what's going on her reply was if he did she would split up with him so what's wrong with this pic?

she only live's 10 mile's away and this guy has done a lot for her already my question is this maybe a hudge head game and also not cool to do.

why do some women do this why is that this women tell the man she love's him but change's her mind about living with him after he went out of his way and worked it out to have her move in .

i have a question if a women had problems with a past bf and fell in love with another man and told him every day she loved him and only him but also live 10 miles away and worked alot there was very little time together but also ask the man if she wished to live with him and be married to him but still living with the x bf what i need to know is is this a game being played or is there something the man is not being told if any one has any opions feel free to write me thanks

i hide out in connecticut and there are a few of us good men out there where hard to find because some times women over look us good men and go for the looks and money or loosiers we are out there iam for one am a good man and thank goodness for that iam real and as real as they come im not in to the games ect .

i hide out in connecticut and there are a few of us good men out there where hard to find because some times women over look us good men and go for the looks and money or loosiers we are out there iam for one am a good man and thank goodness for that iam real and as real as they come im not in to the games ect .

mzrightkris

cute shirt u think that gets u in trouble try having underware says home of the wopper omg lol i got those as a gift .