Live an impressive life, make impressive decisions.

This seems like a translation to english?
I'm assuming it's basically "why do girls choose bad boys?!"

The answer to that is "every girl" doesn't.

Would a more appropriate question be "why is it that I only notice or am attracted to girls that choose people other than me?"

Once I regulated and maintained my diet, not eating after a certain time, especially sugar, I found that I have absolutely no idea if I dream anymore. Add in some melatonin and I basically just fall asleep, then wake up, not really noticing the time pass at all.

Of course when I turn off the lamp and nestle into the pillow I like to create movies in my head of fun things until I drift off. But those aren't dreams.

Trust should be inspired. A realization and acceptance of risk.
If it's "earned" it's a weapon of control.
If it's "given" it's a fools gift.

You have to pay attention, think, realize, let go, accept, whether or not you can, and how, you trust them, and the degree of trust they have in you.

If you turn it into some magic word like "god" or "soul" or "love" where it's either there, or not, an absolute with a completely subjective meaning that you don't even know the extent of, then you're just bumbling along getting in your own way, and at best forcing them to take responsibility for what you want and expect.


I would disagree.
But IMO a "relationship" starts pretty much from the word "hello," and what it "becomes" from that point is entirely up to me and the other person.

I also don't believe that "trust" is an absolute. Where you either absolutely "trust" someone, otherwise you "distrust" them.

I would say the first "ideal" is something more like "mutual attraction."
I would say "trust" is more related to ideals of "communication," and, "understanding boundaries."

But do they want to meet you...and why?

Do you feel you are entitled to a "gentleman?"
Because you want something, then you should get it?

What is the most "basic strength?"


All over the place, depending on how you personally define it.

What is a "gentleman" in your mind, what is it you think that they want, and what is it about you that fulfills what they want?


...Or...gasp...is this just a billboarding thread to generate profile/email traffic?
No! I refuse to believe people do that!

You ever play that card matching game where you lay out all 52 cards in the deck, face down, then flip one over, then flip over a second one to see if it matches, and if it doesn't then you flip them back face down and have to flip two more, trying to remember what you've flipped over and where the matches are?

The thrill of the chase comes from something like that.

When people are faced with a potential mate (in person, online picture, a story), some attraction, their body fills with hormones preparing them for sex. Men, women, doesn't matter.

The difference is what floods the body preparing it for sex directly and immediately influences a males brain (generally).
It affects his mood, mannerisms, posture. IOW his personality and his indirect communication. Body language, facial features, general disposition, etc.

It doesn't have that same immediate effect on women (generally). Women (generally) have natural protections for their brain from immediately succumbing to or influence of sex hormones. They're still there, preparing her for sex, it just doesn't immediately affect her brain.


So, when men see someone they are attracted to, it's like naturally flipping over the first card in that card game.
They then "chase" in order to figure out "do you match?" Trying to get the woman to flip over her "card," with how she responds and interacts determining whether the cards are alike.

Men present indirect communication, direct communication, status, and a wealth of information just by how they present themselves. How they dress, smile, tone of voice, posture, height, body shape/ratios, car they're in, job title, whatever.

It's an association game.
If a guy (through his personality, communication) can get her to start thinking about sex, mating, romantic thoughts, to even the slightest degree, that leads to those sex hormones in her body influencing her brain too, just like his.
Which will then influence her body language, facial expressions, general disposition, behavior, etc., just like the guy.
Basically, information and feedback.

Generally speaking, sex doesn't sell to the masses. You can't just throw up live porn on a car commercial and have it lead to a giant increase in car sales.
You have to play the association game to manipulate the triggers.

That's why there is a "chase."
Because of how certain hormonal situations affect men vs. how they affect women (generally).

A natural, biological game of "so where do we stand? Do you feel about me how I feel about you?"
And then attempts and negotiations to explore it.


That's one of the big problems with online dating and why it seems to be a huge race to the bottom and has become like a "shopping" experience.

For men, they just have to sign on at certain times and pepper hundreds+ women with their sex commercials. Unlike t.v., texts and email are cheap.
They just have to find 1 woman that is "in the mood."
They're not trying to sell cars for an ongoing business, just find the 1 fool and her money.
Where the sex hormones she's released but hasn't acted upon have reached her brain basically turning her into a guy looking to "scratch that itch," or who isn't actively focused on danger or thinking so can "turn" her mind allowing them in when triggered by a "hot enough" photo and non offensive charm.

People that are actually capable of (and ultimately looking for) long term goal oriented purposeful relationships go through this process, since they're human beings too.
But since there's a lack of body language, tone of voice, i.e. indirect communication, they have to focus on the more simplistic and obvious of feedback (most especially when there's a difference in group/culture identity).
Which means relying on immediate emotional impulse.

Otherwise, it's trying to remove emotions from the equation.
Which just leads to building up unrealistic fantasies.
When you meet offline everything fails. Partly or mostly due to you having removed/denied/ignored the actual emotions, realizing you don't really feel anything for the person, or don't know how to emotionally respond leading to insecure and fearful feelings or buried confusion.


You can translate this to:
"Guys flipped over their card, then either received feedback that we weren't a match in emotional status, or unclear information where they still didn't know for sure so kept trying until they received the feedback that we weren't."


It's self sustaining if there's a "match."
It becomes a feedback loop.


Sure.

Is...this an onlyfans thing?

Put simply because:
1. They have the option to.
2. The person they're "cheating" on isn't providing enough incentive not to.
3. The person they're "cheating" on doesn't represent enough of a risk/loss not to.


Crying and shifting blame is what people faced with consequences learned to do as children.
You see it in courtrooms, interrogation rooms, principals offices, loss prevention rooms, wal mart toy sections, cars pulled over for speeding trying to get out of tickets, all over the country, constantly.

I prefer "dating" one person at a time.

If there are options for "dating" multiple people then there is the option to just have sex with people without dating.

Other than that, I don't play the "see where it goes" game.

No.
It's our first "first face-to-face chat."

At that point I'm still thinking of simple basics.

Their saying they had a successful sex change would just highlight how different we are, completely and absolutely in terms of perspective, experience, and history, not to mention goals and lifestyle.

Like a woman that says "I used to be black and grew up in gangs and ghettos, but I went through surgeries and am now a upper middle economic class white lady."

Or someone that grew up in a billionaire household that just started living a "normal" income life.

Or a soldier that spent the last 10 years on deployment coming back to "normal society" for the first time.

They went through experiences and thought processes I probably won't ever understand or be able to relate to, and that's going to lead to all sorts of problems, misunderstandings, and make learning to communicate 10 times harder.

I won't seriously date women with fake boobs or tattoos, for what those say about their personality and thought process.
I can't imagine allllll of the issues going on with SRS involved.

But I don't have to.

There are more compatible options.

I might have sex with them, depending on how hot they are, just to see what that's like.
But I would never allow myself to "think romantically" (I'm assuming you're defining the term like long term relationship compatibility).

I'd say the question is flawed.

I would amend it to something more like:
"Are people nowadays more like children? Believing the path to happiness and contentment is the ability to (even the entitlement of subsidization) immediately gratify any personal emotional impulse and random thought, avoiding FOMO, and any experiencing (or even really having to consider any) cost, risk, or consequence of their own choices, that isn't validating or pleasurable, being some kind of horrible trauma?"

Just like a baby with a bottle. When hungry? Cry and scream. Mom takes away the bottle knowing if the baby drinks the whole thing the baby will get sick? Cry and scream because eating feels good.


Do you understand the baby boomer generation and idea of a nuclear family (house, dog, white picket fence, 2.5+ kids) was started by government propaganda after losing generations of people in the world wars and wanting people to be fruitful and multiply (otherwise not enough soldiers for the next wars and people paying gov't salaries)?

Plus, thanks to the last 100 years or so of marketing, rom coms, music, and Disney, people have become junkies to mating chemicals, chasing the dragon that will get them perpetually "love" high to fulfill that utilitarianistic ideal.

Instead of taking a step back and realizing how bad that is, they've just expanded their options to what can be pursued to get that perpetual high.

https://markmanson.net/romantic-love


Why do you think it ever was?

Have you ever spent a lot of time looking through genealogical records, analyzing any of the information, especially with people sharing their DNA through ancestry sites?

You have any idea how many people find out their parents (or grand, great, great great, etc.) were half siblings, their cousins were really their parent?
You have any idea the sheer number of people whose marriage certificates far outweighed in number their divorce certificates (and it wasn't due to death)?

Not to mention people finding out while their parents (grand, great, etc.) prattle on about their "soul mate," it turns out they married because one got pregnant, meanwhile one or both had their "true love" living across town, sometimes of the same sex?

Depends.
Depends on what they're not believing me, or in me, about, and why.

Is it based on their insecurity, their personality, their experience?
Or my attitude/behavior?
Is it based on their understanding of who I am? Or who they want me to be?

Is it even about "believing" or is it about signs of support?

Context is important.
That will tell you how I would feel and what I would do.

Are pretty much pointless.


There's no good answer.

Let's say that absolutely, it's that one question that's "scaring them away."
So you drop it from your rotation, or you come up with a great question that they do answer....it doesn't mean the next question won't "scare them away."
Or that they won't misinterpret (or accurately interpret) some response later and run away.

...Nor does it mean they aren't talking to 30 other guys at the same time and they drop you for someone even more interesting.
Or that they aren't just here for random conversation until their husband or wife comes home.
Or it's even really a woman you're talking to.
Or that you just aren't at that hot enough level where it will go any further.


Why do you assume they ever did?


Seriously? Melodrama much?
If you were drowning in the ocean and you managed to rise above the surface you'd refuse to breath until you knew the air and world loved you?
Or would you sit there under water and when the coast guard rescue diver came to drag you out you'd fight them until they handed you a ring and a box of chocolates?
JHC.

Sure.
When there are problems in the relationship.

Either communication isn't where it needs to be, or there's no real purpose to the relationship, beyond emotional "tingles," and the high is wearing off.

You might want to clarify a little bit?
I mean which government are you referring to?
There are people from all over the world posting here....

Not to mention...this is a dating site.
Soooo...are there going to be hot chicks there?
Or is this just going to be a neckbeard sausage fest?

Of course I am assuming we're going somewhere to take something back somehow as opposed to some internet Tourette's outburst...but can you be more specific as to when and where?
Are we meeting in a park first? What state? Do I need a jacket? Should I bring a sandwich? Is there adequate parking?

And you said "It is time..."
Was it time when you first posted and I missed out by a few hours?
If I go about it this weekend, is it too late?

Help me out here, man.
Last time I learned of a protest/riot I ended up just standing there with a bunch of people waiting for the bus.
I asked a lady what was going on and then I was the only one chanting "down with 52!" thinking it was some house resolution bill or something, but it was the #52 bus. Then they wouldn't let me on, but that was more due to a lack of correct change.
I thought they were just low energy, but turns out I saw the notice 2 days too late.

So if you could flesh it out a bit, I'd really appreciate it.

Thanks!

To get nudes.
To figure out if a person is the type to have nudes.
To end a conversation as a "bad guy" so they'll go away.


Oh what a sheltered life.

Is that part of a Mountain Dew Viagra commercial on Pornhub?
"Do the Dew, sex to the fullest, to the xxxtreme!"
Naked people on mountain bikes, but wearing parachutes, riding off a mountain, into an orgy in the mud?


I am going to assume you mean sexually.
And avoid what could be possibly really creepy.

I mean one interpretation of the OP could be "should I let my s/o out of the basement so they can say hi to their mother? No! My precious! We's hates her mother! Precious stays in her cage, no sharing!"

So, with my assumption being more like "swinging," or open marriage, or side whatever, then personally, no.

To me it's like asking "can you drop your kid off at some random strangers house to parent them, respect and appreciate it?"

And if it's something like "welllllll, you meet the person first, and you get tested, or you are always present, and you watch, and you make sure no emotional connection develops, and blah blah blah..." then it's not really "open minded," it's just controlling and a whole slew of other negative traits.

It's just manipulative throwing in virtue signalling "open minded," and assumptions like "love one" (i.e. if you really "love" them, why are you looking to "share?" If they really love you, why are they looking to be "shared?" If you/they are looking to share/be shared, I am not assuming they are actually a "loved" one and not simply objectified as an extension of ego)

But I personally also haven't completely disassociated procreation from sex, where you can have sex just for "fun" without meaningful consequences that are ingrained in biology you can't turn off.
Kinda like disassociating eating from nutrition. Believing you can eat for pleasure, without any nutritional or health consequences and meaning.

Only for the non scary ones.

Only in a relationship where communication isn't very good, one/both of the people are settling and don't really care, or it's between children.


If it's a matter of "courage" then that's a symptom of worse problems.


The one who knows that's what they're feeling and has the desire to be honest and communicate it?

I want to be fed a fresh and hot two crust sour cream raisin pie by an Amish lady after a day in the green bean garden, while watching her cousin walk sensually through the corn fields to bring me a glass of cow fresh milk, in the middle of Pennsylvania wearing a fake beard (I wear the beard, not Pennsylvania).