I wonder if some ladies would weigh in on this so I can try to understand. Because I have to confess, I might just be socially autistic and unable to see something that’s obvious to everyone else. So here’s the question...

Why is it that every time I’m trading a few messages with a lady and it seems like there’s a chance we just might get acquainted, and then I ask her what she’s passionate about in life, she stops talking to me?

This has happened probably ten or twelve times now.

To me it seems like a harmless question and a good way to learn a lot about a person. Could this question actually be scaring women off or is something else going on? Do women just not want relationships of the heart any more? If love in the world has really grown that cold it would be hard to imagine what life would even be worth.

Humm so just after a few messages you ~~~ "ask her what she’s passionate about in life?"

Just curious if you were sitting at the bar in a restaurant, and a lady was sitting close by is that the same kind of conversation you would have face to face?

Conversations that flow naturally go much easier start off with getting to actually know the other person first then one will know their passions about life..

And well I would bet on many of those that did not respond was not here on good intentions..

ha ha ....
thats what you get for talking to all the scammers....
Like yeah right !!! my only passion in life is to either get all your money or at least a green card , then we talk about love and how much thats gonna cost.....a scammer never gonna say all that ...... so they leave you and the conversation ..move on !!!

"ask her what she’s passionate about in life" does sound a little like the result that you would get if you googled..... " what to say in online dating"

It sounds contrived, and also takes a lot of thought to answer.
Too much like hard work.

You'd do better with easy to answer questions. m8

I'd wonder about the few messages you have exchanged and what they were about? Asking "what are you passionate about in life", would feel unexpected, and I may decide not to answer. I have answered similar questions like that on here, and have not heard back.

Simple solution... Stop asking that question.

I agree with cat, asking that could be unexpected depending on what the previous messages were about. Asking that as an opener to conversation could be off putting. It's something that comes up during conversation. But rather than ask her what she's passionate about, talk about what you're passionate about and more likely than not she'll join in and share her passions.

Ok, some good answers. I appreciate the feedback everyone.

I guess I can only say that small talk has never been something I’m capable of doing naturally; when it comes out of my mouth it feels and sounds a lot more contrived than asking big questions.

But I suppose I’ll try to leave those big questions alone until I’m better acquainted with someone. The only trouble is, I’m not sure how people can ever get acquainted if they aren’t willing to open up about themselves. I don’t know that I can learn too much of importance about someone by asking them their music and movie preferences, or some other frivolous thing.

On the other hand, I suppose I could keep asking that question fairly early on, and consider it a screen out process. If a question like that is enough to make them move on then maybe they weren’t a very deep person, don’t have much to talk about, and/or aren’t really interested in making a genuine connection.

Oh, and if ever I did go to bars, I would definitely ask someone sitting beside me that question - after introductions, of course. I embrace my social autism. It’s what the Good Lord blessed me with.

Thanks all.

Is it too late to respond? lol

I thought about this and for me, that question would be like the cliff notes. Why read
the whole book when that will give me the synopsis. A good conversation should lead to
those things, organically. Plus, you might learn a whole lot more. Be crafty. :)

Nope. You’re not too late. Thanks for the input. I’m definitely not a subtle man, so I’m probably not crafty either, but I’ll figure on it for a spell.

Hi aldtrao I would not have a problem if a man asked me that question .. seems a reasonable question to ask someone you are getting to know .

Wondering perhaps if English is not their first language and they are misinterpreting passionate as intimacy .

Could just be a coincidence and there is another reason for their disinterest ... like you took too long to respond to their email

... they have decided you are not what they are looking for...

Or they are happy to chat to you in general but not keen to share any personal info about themselves .

I guess before asking that question establish what they are looking for and what their interest in you might be . Best of luck :-)

They could have been 'bots', and they are still working on the answer.

Good thoughts, Blondey. Best of luck to you too. Thanks.

Im here for your send me a massage for talk

Are pretty much pointless.


There's no good answer.

Let's say that absolutely, it's that one question that's "scaring them away."
So you drop it from your rotation, or you come up with a great question that they do answer....it doesn't mean the next question won't "scare them away."
Or that they won't misinterpret (or accurately interpret) some response later and run away.

...Nor does it mean they aren't talking to 30 other guys at the same time and they drop you for someone even more interesting.
Or that they aren't just here for random conversation until their husband or wife comes home.
Or it's even really a woman you're talking to.
Or that you just aren't at that hot enough level where it will go any further.


Why do you assume they ever did?


Seriously? Melodrama much?
If you were drowning in the ocean and you managed to rise above the surface you'd refuse to breath until you knew the air and world loved you?
Or would you sit there under water and when the coast guard rescue diver came to drag you out you'd fight them until they handed you a ring and a box of chocolates?
JHC.

Dont ask the fish how to catch the fish, ask the fisherman.

Look. When you talk to women. You get to the point. ask them 4 a meet

It's possible they're not looking for an in depth conversation about life, passions etc. they probably just wanna meet rather than type too much

I agree with this. Often men ask such direct questions that require a specific answer and that beat the flow out of an otherwise promising conversation. It feels blunt.
It feels like suddenly you must meet a certain image or standard, like you're being put to the test.

Often people don't even know what their passions in life are, whether man or woman.

So as TxsGal said, would you also ask this when chatting with a woman in a pub?
I think in that situation most men would sense it's not the right thing to ask.

Lol, if I were anything like most men I probably wouldn’t be here, I’d just go to that pub.

Wow, that unexpectedly felt weird using the word pub.

A new face on the forums. Hello and welcome.

Yeah, I’d rather just meet them too. I get the feeling though that a lot of women might be nervous about that. If you aren’t one of them, I just hope you’ve come up with a plan to keep yourself safe out there.

And a brand new guy. Hello and welcome to you too.