Yeah, but even in a close relationship...you get close...and you lose them

lilangel, unfortunately losing people & things is all part of the circle of life. I know I will find Gwen again, I will see those that I care for again. For me, life continues, even though apart. Your special people are special FOREVER.

Debbie, while I appreciate the thought behind the tears; I say to you don't cry, but help me celebrate how my life is & the joys of being able to live it, as I do.

During Gwen's battle with cancer, quality of life was #1; she would have it no other way. Taught me to live that way.

Hello, I am Sadie.
This April 1st, we would have been married 25 years. He had been widowed when we met. His wife then had been murdered. Alot for a first timer to take on, 2 children, his, now ours, now mine when they let me. We added 3 and miscarried our first.(I hold them alone..and 2 marines, one in Iraq.)
He was dignosed with AML, acute leukemia. Prognosis 3-5 months, we were gifted a year and a half. He left July 2005. The world is full of disconnections and death is but one of them. Our hearts want to say, "but this is different, you can't understand." We are correct, and only a heart knows its own sorrow.
Recently a relative of mine, lost her husband. I have been quiet to share with my family, for it was very evident there was no understanding, just meaningful good intentions. It is not comforting to feel understood in this distance of pain.
Each day a memory unfolds, sometimes surprises and brings me to my heart's knees.
Last year, the writing has literally poured out of me. I am grateful to have a place to share.I am grateful to meet all of you, a place of relative sensing..thank you all for being so vulnerable.
SadieLu

Sadie, that is what this thread is for.
People think they understand, but until you experience the loss, it just doesn't work.
The degree of relationship GREATLY effects the degree of sorrow. I have met people that felt relief from the seperation; theirs had not been a loving relationship & while sorry the other was dead, they felt relief at not being forced to deal with that person anymore.

In my experience, I have both, great relief and sorrow. We lived many difficulties. I was stability in many ways. I struggle with the residuals, and I struggle to grow again andd breathe in this new norm.

im so sorry, im such a sensitive person ive been crying reading this thread. i hope i havnt offended you.

Debbie, one can never offend by showing thier true feelings.
Let the tears be not for sorrow, but the joy of having knowledge of these great people.
People with large hearts, show their feelings.

your bottom line is spot on

Please cry, pour and feel. That is what all of our lives are about. Have I offended you? Your loss is as bending. Loss takes on many threads, knotted, trailing hiding in a mangle of a ball, or lain staight and neatly across a path. It is all love, all kind..in the end..what really matters.

It had not been a week, when a friend told me to suck it up and get on. I had lost everything, my home, my children had scattered to their lives and I felt alone, bare and thrown off the world. I have come to realize that being bare to the soul is good..and everyone can breathe that way.

Your friend hasn't been there.
Someday they eat their words.
Or they are just NOT a caring person.

What I know is that, I have the opportunity gifted, a cherished opportunity to be as I know I should. It hurt immensely. It has been a walk with cement boots at times. I have met some caring, tender people here, those that care and for their circumstances. The opportunities they allow to see vulnerability, love..a deeply desired trait we all are longing for.

I have been a widower for 25 years now. Being a Christian; helps me day-by-day. (People think they are helpping me out--from time-to-time with advice.) The understanding, is with the ones that have been in my shoes.(Guess, i like talking ,so JSH came into my life--dec.'07) JUST WONDERFUL (I have not ever met as many knowledgeable people as is right on JSH.) I THANK ALL, that I have talked with so far.

Hi Sadie It's nice to meet you


Hello 62 nice to meet you also

hello...

Hello 62 and Auburn..I am glad to meet y'all.
s

May 3, this month just made 3 years of being a widower. Each year it hurts less. Had to deal with rage, guilt, loneliness and the whole griefball as we say in our Griefshare meetings. An older gentleman who attended our AA meetings invited me to the first Griefshare meeting. He had lost his son to a high line accident. His wife attended both the AA meetings as an Alanon and the grief meeting. Since he was in the heating and air business it really affected him because his son was working with him at the time of the accident. The chairlady I found out, a fellow widower helped to bring singing and music groups into our nursing home. Developed good friendships at the grief meetings which helped me to understand that I wasn't a freak. I sure felt like a freak the first year. Was good to identify and relate with the other widows and widowers at the meetings. Was eventually able to become positive and see the life and quit concentrating on the death. For a while I couldn't stand to be around married people because of the loss and had trouble identifying with being single. Got real envious of married people. Had so many screwed up feelings and emotions. It just about drove me nuts. Its a lot better, today. Sometimes it is a day by day thing. Sure has affected my dating but am trying to date now. I feel at home at the nursing home because of identifying with many who have lost a loved one. I can smile, today.

I do smile a lot. (But, at different times i can not sleep, eat, feel rested, or even want a date.) But, i am try ing to tal to a few lady s here on JSH, & What a Blessing ** some are.

Sadie......Hello