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| Topic: WIDOWS AND WIDOWERS | |
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Betty HUGS
I have heard that from many widowed people before that they also felt a sense of cheating when they began to date again. I did not experience that but I am not sure why. It can be very difficult for those who do. And of course pain hurts and in the widowed communities I belong to, we try not to compare losses, i.e. sudden vs long term illness, because they are both horrific in different ways. If someone wants to start a thread for loss of a child, or any other type of loss, I'm sure there would be a need for that as well. |
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Betty HUGS I have heard that from many widowed people before that they also felt a sense of cheating when they began to date again. I did not experience that but I am not sure why. It can be very difficult for those who do. And of course pain hurts and in the widowed communities I belong to, we try not to compare losses, i.e. sudden vs long term illness, because they are both horrific in different ways. If someone wants to start a thread for loss of a child, or any other type of loss, I'm sure there would be a need for that as well. |
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Edited by
BettyB
on
Sat 05/24/08 07:57 AM
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It may have something to do with the length of time someone was married ..i don't really know that though . When I lost my husband I had been married longer than I was single . you were so young and it just awful that you were a widow at 36..probably the last thing you ever imagined .
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Very true! Married 12 yrs and widowed at my age was not at all the life I had planned. I'd always wanted to be married and have a family so it's the lost of dreams too.
I don't know if it has to do with the length of time married. I have known other young widows married a bit less or longer than myself to felt that guilt thing. I guess it's an individual thing. |
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ive never been married but i lost my parents 11 months apart and i was only 17 when my mom died
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One thing I have noticed for sure is the wedding vows where you sat'till death do us part " is wrong cause death does not part you ,at least emotionally. I know when I first started dating other men which by the way was 10 years lATER ISOMEHOW FELT LIKE i WAS CHEATING ON MY HUSBAND .It is very hard to to change your mindset from to married to single. Also I would like to say that any time you lose anyone it is very hard and traumatic and everyone grieves at a different pace . I am still morning the loss of my cat as well as family members . when you lost someone you love:hurts !!! and I don,t think it is a competion of who hurts most and which loss is greater .I think this is an indvidual thing for everyone . Take care everyone ..tonight look at the biggest shinest star and imagine that that is your loved one looking down on you and smiling OMG I have felt that too "cheatin' feeling"! I also called my ex bf by my husband's name once and it was sooooooooo emabarrassing, shockful and hurtful that I started to cry  I couldn't tell if he was more hurt being called by my husband's name or more hurt at seeing me cry about it.
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{{{{{Twin}}}}}
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One thing I have noticed for sure is the wedding vows where you sat'till death do us part " is wrong cause death does not part you ,at least emotionally. I know when I first started dating other men which by the way was 10 years lATER ISOMEHOW FELT LIKE i WAS CHEATING ON MY HUSBAND .It is very hard to to change your mindset from to married to single. Also I would like to say that any time you lose anyone it is very hard and traumatic and everyone grieves at a different pace . I am still morning the loss of my cat as well as family members . when you lost someone you love:hurts !!! and I don,t think it is a competion of who hurts most and which loss is greater .I think this is an indvidual thing for everyone . Take care everyone ..tonight look at the biggest shinest star and imagine that that is your loved one looking down on you and smiling this is for all of you OMG I have felt that too "cheatin' feeling"! I also called my ex bf by my husband's name once and it was sooooooooo emabarrassing, shockful and hurtful that I started to cry I couldn't tell if he was more hurt being called by my husband's name or more hurt at seeing me cry about it. They say time is a healer some wounds take a long time to heal. Some heal some take longer small portions never heal. In my case try to stop comparing you will help the healing process I have had some breavments which have had similar traumatic effects some still make me feel sad but the biggest weapon I have discovered is laughter. Its an effective cure and helps the healing process tremendously. |
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Your are right Robert laughter is the best healer of all !!
:flowerforyo Along with a good shot of whiskey Just kidding.
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Mornin,
My husband had been widowed before we married. I lived with Charlotte and the trailing memories, tried to incorporate all of that for the children. I do not think Newt and I were ever really to ourselves. When I brought him home after the initial 4 months in the hospital, the moment I opened my car and stepped out, I knew my mother had passed. She had and that time. He lived a year after that, hospice and the "it could be any time now".. I am grateful for the newness in my life now, I am sorry for the "MISS"..It will never leave. My mother-in-law just lost Dad last week. It is hard for her, yet, the respite of separation from the consuming care will be ok. She told me today. |
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One thing I have noticed for sure is the wedding vows where you sat'till death do us part " is wrong cause death does not part you ,at least emotionally. I know when I first started dating other men which by the way was 10 years lATER ISOMEHOW FELT LIKE i WAS CHEATING ON MY HUSBAND .It is very hard to to change your mindset from to married to single. Also I would like to say that any time you lose anyone it is very hard and traumatic and everyone grieves at a different pace . I am still morning the loss of my cat as well as family members . when you lost someone you love:hurts !!! and I don,t think it is a competion of who hurts most and which loss is greater .I think this is an indvidual thing for everyone . Take care everyone ..tonight look at the biggest shinest star and imagine that that is your loved one looking down on you and smiling this is for all of you OMG I have felt that too "cheatin' feeling"! I also called my ex bf by my husband's name once and it was sooooooooo emabarrassing, shockful and hurtful that I started to cry I couldn't tell if he was more hurt being called by my husband's name or more hurt at seeing me cry about it. They say time is a healer some wounds take a long time to heal. Some heal some take longer small portions never heal. In my case try to stop comparing you will help the healing process I have had some breavments which have had similar traumatic effects some still make me feel sad but the biggest weapon I have discovered is laughter. Its an effective cure and helps the healing process tremendously. I agree, laughter, looking someone straight in the eyes, seeking friendship. I love to enjoy conversation. I go to a favorite place and people watch, write and engage in lots of laughter.. |
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ive never been married but i lost my parents 11 months apart and i was only 17 when my mom died I am so sorry. My 2 oldest lost their mom, Charlotte, murder. when they were 3 and 5. They could never recoup that loss, as you know. I wanted to be what I could, there was a lot of rejection. When their dad died, at the gravesite standing with me, they both looked at me and said they were orphans.. a little of me died then , too. I have always given them their space for thoughts, emotions and living..I cannot clutch..and still I desire to be for them. What did you do? Where did you go? Who held you? |
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Good morning everyone
I lost my husband in 2003, lost my son in 85, my Mom in 2001..along with many others. My heart goes out to each of you that have had to experience the pain. But, I'm glad we are here for each other, that helps knowing your not alone- at least in friendship and moral support. Carolyn
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Good morning everyone I lost my husband in 2003, lost my son in 85, my Mom in 2001..along with many others. My heart goes out to each of you that have had to experience the pain. But, I'm glad we are here for each other, that helps knowing your not alone- at least in friendship and moral support. Carolyn (((((((((knightless)))))))))
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((((( lilangel )))))
Thank you
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One thing I have noticed for sure is the wedding vows where you sat'till death do us part " is wrong cause death does not part you ,at least emotionally. I know when I first started dating other men which by the way was 10 years lATER ISOMEHOW FELT LIKE i WAS CHEATING ON MY HUSBAND .It is very hard to to change your mindset from to married to single. Also I would like to say that any time you lose anyone it is very hard and traumatic and everyone grieves at a different pace . I am still morning the loss of my cat as well as family members . when you lost someone you love:hurts !!! and I don,t think it is a competion of who hurts most and which loss is greater .I think this is an indvidual thing for everyone . Take care everyone ..tonight look at the biggest shinest star and imagine that that is your loved one looking down on you and smiling this is for all of you OMG I have felt that too "cheatin' feeling"! I also called my ex bf by my husband's name once and it was sooooooooo emabarrassing, shockful and hurtful that I started to cry I couldn't tell if he was more hurt being called by my husband's name or more hurt at seeing me cry about it. They say time is a healer some wounds take a long time to heal. Some heal some take longer small portions never heal. In my case try to stop comparing you will help the healing process I have had some breavments which have had similar traumatic effects some still make me feel sad but the biggest weapon I have discovered is laughter. Its an effective cure and helps the healing process tremendously. I agree, laughter, looking someone straight in the eyes, seeking friendship. I love to enjoy conversation. I go to a favorite place and people watch, write and engage in lots of laughter.. You know while I was using the process of laughter as a healing agent I couldn't help noticing that mostly we laughed about the short comings or the negative aspect of the others so it transpired may be it is wrong to use others in healing and that was when I discovered to tell the jokes on disasters which happened to me in a hilarious way then I have audience who willingly lend me an ear to hear on disasters which are mine and no one else's. In making others laugh I managed to overcome so many obstacles couldn't begin to tell. Now did I tell you about the wasps last week and how I obtained a free male extension
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Were you sharing the whiskey with the wasps? One thing I have noticed for sure is the wedding vows where you sat'till death do us part " is wrong cause death does not part you ,at least emotionally. I know when I first started dating other men which by the way was 10 years lATER ISOMEHOW FELT LIKE i WAS CHEATING ON MY HUSBAND .It is very hard to to change your mindset from to married to single. Also I would like to say that any time you lose anyone it is very hard and traumatic and everyone grieves at a different pace . I am still morning the loss of my cat as well as family members . when you lost someone you love:hurts !!! and I don,t think it is a competion of who hurts most and which loss is greater .I think this is an indvidual thing for everyone . Take care everyone ..tonight look at the biggest shinest star and imagine that that is your loved one looking down on you and smiling this is for all of you OMG I have felt that too "cheatin' feeling"! I also called my ex bf by my husband's name once and it was sooooooooo emabarrassing, shockful and hurtful that I started to cry I couldn't tell if he was more hurt being called by my husband's name or more hurt at seeing me cry about it. They say time is a healer some wounds take a long time to heal. Some heal some take longer small portions never heal. In my case try to stop comparing you will help the healing process I have had some breavments which have had similar traumatic effects some still make me feel sad but the biggest weapon I have discovered is laughter. Its an effective cure and helps the healing process tremendously. I agree, laughter, looking someone straight in the eyes, seeking friendship. I love to enjoy conversation. I go to a favorite place and people watch, write and engage in lots of laughter.. You know while I was using the process of laughter as a healing agent I couldn't help noticing that mostly we laughed about the short comings or the negative aspect of the others so it transpired may be it is wrong to use others in healing and that was when I discovered to tell the jokes on disasters which happened to me in a hilarious way then I have audience who willingly lend me an ear to hear on disasters which are mine and no one else's. In making others laugh I managed to overcome so many obstacles couldn't begin to tell. Now did I tell you about the wasps last week and how I obtained a free male extension |
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Edited by
BettyB
on
Sat 05/24/08 12:33 PM
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Your are right Robert laughter is the best healer of all !! :flowerforyo Along with a good shot of whiskey Just kidding.  ok ,.as long its the whisky and not the wasps you got a deal
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I have been a widower, 11 yrs, now. How many of you find sleeping late is a hard thing to do? How do you get around it? its kind of funny ..you found sleeping late hard and I found just getting out of bed hard ! I guess I just didn,t want to face the day, pain and reality. That was at first not now.
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Good Evening Betty, Sadie,
Knightless, welcome, glad you found the widows/ers thread. It is SO HOT here!!!! |
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