we were to be married and she wanted childern so bad. I said yes.

Page flip...but Dan, have you talked to anyone that is in Grief support?

one but they cant bring her back. All i want is one moment

I pray every damn nite for one moment. SHe comes to me in my dreams both nite & day.

I see. Ok I'm going to give you the name of a website. I found it after my husband died probably about 7 months into it. It's online...24/7..Good thing about it is, there is ALWAYS someone in the chat rooms even if you wake up and can't sleep in the night. It was the only kind of grief support I had.

It's called GROWW....www.groww.org


There are chat rooms for different kinds of losses, a spouse, a child etc...There is a main chat room called G.R. Which stands for grief recovery. It is a hosted site with hosts in the chat rooms. They will welcome you there. THEY GET IT!

I need someone to help me see the good in this damn thing.

its been two years and I havent had him come in my dreams yet..I dont want you to think poorly...but...they say when your loved one is ready to talk to you...its usually when they think you are ready....

You will be speaking to people who really do understand what you are going thru and can offer things to help. It saved my life! Feeling like you aren't losing your mind is a huge plus! And they can give you some ideas, etc to help.

THANK YOU HONEY

Dan...I don't know if we always find the "good" in these kinds of things. It was an accident. My husband got cancer. Where is the good in those things? Perhaps good CAN come from paying it forward, and reaching out to help others when they need us. Using the experience to be helpful. But "what if'ing" it to death won't work. It will just make you crazy.

she taught me true love and how wonderful it can be.

PLEASE PLEASE give GROWW a shot! At least a time or two! I promise you it is very very helpful. It's there 24/7 and holidays! It saved me! It can help! The hard part Dan, and this might be hard to hear...is that you can't get her back hon. You will find acceptance with time. Between now and then you LEAN and you lean HARD when you have to on people that "get it"

I cant bear to think I can never have her back . That hurts so much hearing that.

I was on suicide watch for 7+ months...I was married for 28 years and never thought it would happen to me...

It is very early in the grieving process for you...I didnt think I could go on and we do....

I know it does! I'm so sorry. I can tell you this. You experienced a shock death. Where I had time to prepare, some, since he had cancer. As your shock and numbness subsides you will find you "feel" it more. Your mind only absorbs a little at a time. It's the wonderful way we are made. As time goes on the "fog" if you will starts to lift, and you learn to accept those things we can't change. And it is the hardest lesson you will ever have to learn. I wish it weren't that way.

But Dan, I was at 9 years last month! I was widowed when I was 35, well almost 36. And I am still standing! I never thought I could survive this. There are people I know at GROWW that have been at this longer than I have. And people that post down on this thread that are at this longer than me. We help each other. You don't believe it right now but you CAN do this! You have to breathe, and take it one day one minute one moment at a time.

I want you to find support where ever you have to and LEAN! We don't have to do this alone!! In fact, we likely can't do it alone. I leaned.....everyone does. You can lean on us, on me, on the people I GROWW! But you have to have support.

I just one moment with her to tell her how much I love her.

Dan, do you think she knew that?

I wanted to give her childern lot's of them She wanted that bad!