I have a hard time remembering many but i am sure thier are plenty of them. Hope to hear some good ones. Forrest Gump is the one that always comes to mind with me ..Blessings..Miles

Forrest died and on his way to heaven was stopped at the Pearly gates By St. Peter.

St Peter said. Forrest good to see u but to enter you must answer 3 questions.

Forrest said. Allridy I will try St Peter

Ok Forrest the 1st one is.. How many seconds are thier in a year?


Forrest thought and Said thier are 12 St Peter.

St Peter said.. Forrest how can thier only be 12 seconds in a year?


Forrest said. Thats easy St Peter. The 2nd of Jan the 2nd of Feb..ect.


Ok Ok Forrest I guess you got me on that one.

here is the 2nd Question Forrest.How many Commandments are thier.

Forrest said thier are 2 St Peter.

I can accept that Forrest now you only have 1 more to enter Forrest so think real hard before you answer Forrest.

Ok I will try St Peter.

Forrest what is the Heavenly Fathers name?

Oh that's easy St. Peter it is Andy.

Andy Forrest where did you here that at.

Well St peter it is so easy. Andy Walks with me ..Andy Talks with me. Andy tells me I am his own.


( sorry not sure about the 2nd question maybe someone knows)

A Collection of Various Pagan Light bulb Jokes

How many Druid's does it take to change a light bulb?
(+) 501. One to change the bulb and 500 to align the new stone.

How many Family traditionalists does it take to change a light bulb?
(+) Candle light was good enough for our ancestors, it's good enough for us!
(+) Go ask your own grandmother!

How many Astrologers does it take to change a light bulb?
(+) "Don't ask me now, Mercury's retrograde!"

How many Pagans does it take to change a light bulb?
(+) Six. One to change it, and five to sit around complaining that light bulbs never burned out before those Christians came along.

How many Gardernians does it take to change a light bulb?
(+) Sorry, that's a Third Degree secret.
(+) (In a low ominous tone) "Why do you want to know... initiate?"

How many Alexandrians does it take to change a light bulb?
(+) Dunno - we haven't looked it up in the Gardnerian Book Of Shadows yet. >
(+) 13. One High Priestess to change the bulb, and 12 to hold her up under all that jewelry.
(+) "Let's go see how the Gardnerians do it!"

How many Brit Trad Wiccans does it take to change a light bulb?
(+) 13. One to change the bulb, and 12 to mourn the passing of the old bulb.

How many Dianic Lesbian Witches does it take to...
(+) THAT'S NOT FUNNY!

How many Thelemites does it take to change a light bulb?
(+) 93.
(+) None - Thelemites embrace the dark as well as the light.
(+) None - real Thelemites aren't afraid of the dark.

How many Starhawk Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
(+) (plaintively) "There are starving villages in Africa that don't even HAVE light bulbs..."

How many solitary witches does it take to change a light bulb?
(+) (if they actually ask 'how many?', drum your fingers and stare at them as you wait for them to grasp the obvious)

Q: If a Witch practices on the beach, is she a Sandwich?


Q: What's Wiccan, flies around, and makes honey?
A: The Blessed Bee!


Q: What do you say to an angry witch?
A: Ribbit


Q: What's the difference between a New Ager and a Pagan?
A: A decimal point. An item you'll pay $300 to a New Ager for, you can get from a local Pagan for $30.


Q: How do you tell a New Age witch from a NeoPagan Witch?
A: You throw them both in the water. The NeoPagan Witch will float, whereas the New Age Witch will sink under the weight of all their overpriced crystals....


Q: What happens when a Ceremonial Magician gets angry?
A: He goes Qua-ballistic.


..............................

Forgot this one before. One of my favorites.


Q: How many Odinists does it take to change a light bulb?




A: 21, one to hold the light bulb, 20 to drink till the world spins

those are really good Thanks

BIBLICAL BLOOPERS

What follows are biblical bloopers from Sunday school students:

FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT
In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, the Lord got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree.

Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.

Noah built the ark and the animals came on in pears.

Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.

Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.

Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.

Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.

The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father.

The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

Moses died before he ever reached the UK. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.

The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the biblical times.

Solomon, one of David's sons, has 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

aww.. keep them coming. u sure know where to find them

I remember a poll done about ten years ago or actually 2 of them.

1.. who was king James.. 75% of those polled said he was a great King in the Bible.

2.. they were asked who gave the Sermon on the mount. 90% said that Moses did.

Simple questions shows where we really are in this nation. Blessings...Miles

What type of humor did the Israelites use in the desert?

It was DRY humor!

What type of fish are in the Bible?

Holy mackerel!

In which book does it say that the men make the coffee?

The book of He-Brews.

Did you know that there will be no women in heaven? Revelation 8:1 "And when he had opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven about the space of half an hour."

Before anyone starts throwing stuff: IT'S A JOKE!

What's a preacher do in a shoe factory?

He saves all the soles.

Did you hear that David played tennis?

The Bible says that David played in the courts of Solomon. (Saul, maybe?)

Who is the shortest man in the Bible?
easy: Bildad the Shu hite

What kind of car did the apostles drive?
A Honda. They all met in one accord

What kind of motorcycle did King David drive?
You could hear the roar of his Triumph throughout the land

Art

U all have some really good ones Thanks