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Topic: I could really use some advice
welder_one's photo
Tue 07/15/08 08:30 PM
Edited by welder_one on Tue 07/15/08 08:30 PM

Divorce, even when 'simple and amicable' is a really, really long, hard road - harder than I ever imagined. When there are children involved you will be tied to this man forever regardless, so my 'advice' would be to get professional help, exhaust every resource you can to make it work as a couple - and if that fails, do everything in your power to stay positive throughout the process - your children need to see you handle yourself with dignity and maturity - even when ... especially when, things get tough.

Gather your best support systems around you and hold on tight ... my heart goes out to you!


and again...the smartest thing that i have heard today...wow, your'e on a roll...

robert1652's photo
Tue 07/15/08 08:37 PM

Time is the only real trick.


I like the voice of experience
cant replace it with anything:smile:

therooster's photo
Tue 07/15/08 08:39 PM
white knight syndrome, had it for 20yrs. the colors might change but the pattern will remain!!!!

it was always about my own fears, and not being able to "see that", for so long kept me in the spin cycle way too long!!!!!

CHANGE, why did i fear it for so long????? it was easier and more comforting to stay in the same ****!!!!!

some people will always take advantage of you!!!!!!!! WHY??????? because they can, they will, and you let them!!!!!


HeSearches's photo
Wed 07/16/08 08:54 AM
The easiest way to get over someone is to find someone new. That could be new friends or a new lover.

You can work on yourself all you want but having someone to share that with is really the best thing. It may be a transitional relationship but it's what you need to do.

juliet65's photo
Wed 07/16/08 10:17 AM
I have been there a couple times and it hurts terribly.I'll say this to shall pass. I broke off a 6 yr relationship after we got engaged because he to was looking/but swore he loved me more than anything. Then we were not really seperated but he was staying at his house "for air".A couple days later I was taking my son to his soccer game and we saw him drive by with a woman right next to him....worst feeling in the world.You never forget that feeling although you may forgive.I could not forgive him deep down he also kept changing his mind. Now he is making someone else miserable:) I believe things happen for a reason and although it hurts now, time heals. At the time you think you are dyeing but after some reflecting back you know it is for a reason and you become stronger and a little wiser.Love will come again and broken hearts mend. You just start a new chapter in life.The best thing is to hang out with friends and take a break to refocus on you and who you are and what you really need in your life. Never compromise your feelings for a man. If you let them they will walk all over you...ifyou have self respect you will not let it happen. Set your ground rules and if they are broken just don't look back.My kids are happier now for the choice I made.flowerforyou

jtitol's photo
Tue 08/12/08 06:50 AM
Edited by jtitol on Tue 08/12/08 07:00 AM
mami mi dama la mas bella de todas even i have never gotten marry except when i came here illegally and got my citizenship then dump her the next day
the 1st relationships r always the hardest 2 get over specially the 1i call true luv whateva that is huh since they a big ass scar which i think it neva heals completely but can be forgotten by time its self
also A TRUE MAN NEVA CHEATS only cowards and wussy pussies do and the fact that he cant make up his mind well hes REALLY GAY

JusWannaSayHi's photo
Tue 08/12/08 09:26 AM

My husband and I have been married for 3 years. We have 2 gorgeous children, but that's about all we have in common. Things haven't been going very well and about a month ago we decided to seperate. 3 days later, I found out that the first night he slept away from home, and he told me he was at his brothers house, he was actually having sex with a 19 year old girl he'd just met. I was so heartbroken and didn't know what to do. We talked about things and he swore it was a one time thing and it didn't mean anything. I told him I thought I could get past it eventually, and we decided that we'd stay seperated, but try to work things out. The next day he changed his mind and said we didnt have enough in common and he didnt think it would work. The next day he wanted it to work, the next day he changed his mind again. I've decided to cut him out of my life, except for where the kids are concerned. I despise him for putting me through this, but I still do love him. Anyone been there? or have anything to say?



What ever you do , don't bash him infront of your children.
Good luck to you hun.
flowerforyou

DQ66's photo
Tue 08/12/08 09:34 AM

My husband and I have been married for 3 years. We have 2 gorgeous children, but that's about all we have in common. Things haven't been going very well and about a month ago we decided to seperate. 3 days later, I found out that the first night he slept away from home, and he told me he was at his brothers house, he was actually having sex with a 19 year old girl he'd just met. I was so heartbroken and didn't know what to do. We talked about things and he swore it was a one time thing and it didn't mean anything. I told him I thought I could get past it eventually, and we decided that we'd stay seperated, but try to work things out. The next day he changed his mind and said we didnt have enough in common and he didnt think it would work. The next day he wanted it to work, the next day he changed his mind again. I've decided to cut him out of my life, except for where the kids are concerned. I despise him for putting me through this, but I still do love him. Anyone been there? or have anything to say?


I second a lot of the opinions stated here already and I'd like to add my 2cents worth. Since you've only been married 3 years and I'm assuming your kids are still little, try some counseling but if that doesn't work, let it go. I'm in the middle of a divorce after a 20 year marriage and it is hard, but it will pass. Looking back, I should have ended it years ago and not wasted all this time trying to "fix" something that was broken beyond repair for years. Best of luck to you! flowerforyou

no photo
Tue 08/12/08 09:53 AM
Hello-

I haven't been in that exact situation, but similar. I will say that it is obivious things weren't going well prior to you splitting, I don't think when you feel truely committed to someone, him sleeping w/someone else the 1st night he is away is something that you can do "easily" unless you are detaching mentally or have been for awhile. I know that may be hard to hear.. What people so often do and I have done myself is seperate, before you try to get some help, such as counseling, etc. Sometimes things seem so bad, and parties aren't interested in helping the relationship, when that has happened, or one of you is not interested in working it out, or trying than I believe it has run it's course, and you need to let go.. Sometimes love comes back, but often time the people who fall into your lives in the interim, impact your trust with you and your husband. I was in a relationship that endeded several times, and when it did, I chose to date, and move on with my life. He never got over the men in my life, and he would bring them up a year later... It's hard to forget those things, I know you want to but don't beat yourself up if you can't.. It's time to move on, I agree with you laying down some rules about the back and forth stuff.. Noone can go through that, that is extremely painful, and it's not allowing you to heal. You are an attractive woman, and will have no problem finding someone special again.. That hardest part is letting go.. trust me I know! :) Have a good day!

DestinysDream's photo
Tue 08/12/08 10:17 AM

To be clear, because I just got a few emails, I don't want to work things out, I just want to know if there's a trick to making my heart not love him anymore... that sounds silly I know but it's so hard when I see him, and he wants a hug or something more, not to want to do it back.


I've never been married and no kids. I have been in love and know the heartache. What a bother, it sucks. The only thing you can do is keep moving along through the days and slowly things will start to get better. Think deep wound that needs healing. It's the same thing here.

You know how they say love will find you when you least expect it? (Something like that). Same thing when you fall out of love. One day blammo, actually make that ka-blammo, the love hasn't been felt or fed and will die out. The memories of it will still be there but that is not the same thing at all.

You will now go through pangs of love/regret/etc. Just keep going along and like an overweight person trying to diet or a smoker trying to quit the feelings will pass. Guaranteed(some restrictions apply).

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