I hear ya ... it's a tough spot to be in. I guess I remember what I was like before I had kids of my own - and how much I now realize I didn't know *humble laugh* about how gruelling (and rewarding, no question) the process of raising children can be - it would take someone special to step in and fill that role for my kids, esp. because they already have an incredible father. Hmmm ...

I'm old enough to be your father

I'm pretty much open to consider anything i have kids so a kid friendly person would be required

If I could have my heart's desire it would be C (divorced with no children) because that's what I am and I think we would relate well at least on that point.

Here's my rationale....

A) Never married with no children - I simply don't trust these women. They've never been able to commit to anyone besides themselves. They're married to their career or their lifestyle. There's something going on with them that that I really don't want to explore.
B) Never married with children - I have to wonder about these ones too. Why never married? Was the father only a sperm donor? What kind of a family is this? Lots and lots of questions and concerns.
C) My choice besides D. Women who divorced with no kids are rare but unlike A they were able to commit to a man for a period of time.
D) Divorced with children. This is the usual choice for me because divorced with no kids that match well with me are almost impossible to find. My only problem with these women is that they think since I never had kids that I don't know about them and assume (wrongly) I can't understand the parent/child relationship.

Divorced is my preference. I'm not sure about widowed. I never dated one. I'd be constantly concerned that I'm getting compared to the partner she misses. Separated - forget it!! I'm not diving into that cesspool.
D)

Thanks for taking the time to explain your rationale, hesearches - I really appreciate that. I think deep down most of us do indeed have a preference, whether we're willing to admit it or not. I have my own concerns with each of the 'choices' outlined - bringing someone into my life, as well as my children's is going to be a huge adjustment and it's not one I take lightly (nor do I mean to imply that others do).

I'll be completely honest. If I had a choice, I'd choose A. I've never been married before, so it would be nice to jump into it with someone that hasn't done it before either.

Now let's be realistic. You don't get to choose where your heart takes you, so I'd follow it down any of the four paths offered.

Completely agree on your last point - but I think on a site like this, when you're looking at profiles and deciding (anonymously, from the comfort and distance of your own home) who you will/won't contact, these factors MUST come into play, even slightly, if people are honest. I just enjoy hearing people's thoughts, so thanks for yours! (If I was in your position I think I'd likely prefer A too.)

The view is a little different from my end of the playing field.

When it comes to divorced women with kids I'd prefer that either the kids are grown and gone or that they are at home only part of the time. Also, the kids don't have "issues" with mommy dating and having a man in her life.

Adolescent kids have wrecked countless blooming relationships before they went to the next level. While it's not impossible to have a relationship, the mother really needs to work out her kid's feelings on this before she gets started.

My heart goes out to single moms with kids at home wanting a relationship. I've known many who gave up and didn't date until their kids left home. The kids and the demands of parenting just made it too hard until then.

I had someone tell me that a guy in my position (never married, no children) is in demand, though I've never seen any evidence of it. Now I've dated someone from all four areas before, and liked all of them. I'm not afraid to step outside of my "comfort zone" and try on the unfamiliar, sometimes that leads to the best experiences (as a whole, not just in dating). I think as a people we should step outside of ourselves a little more often, I'm sure all of us are missing some true gems.

Good advice and a good 'push' ... thanks, RO!

If I were to choose, I'd probably choose C or D. Whether they do or don't have kids isn't really important to me (unless there's enough of them to form a traveling carnival). But life experience is important to me. And someone that's been married is more likely to have a similar set of life experiences.... at least as far as relationships go. And right or not, I'd also be concerned that someone who hasn't been married at all just isn't the marrying type... not flexible, or not compromising.

But the truth is..... you can't choose who you love. It really doesn't matter that much whether they have or have not been married, whether they have kids, whether they have a huge hump on their back (well maybe).... But really it's all the factors added together, with a strong emphasis on the things that you find attractive... that draw you to someone. If someone makes me laugh consistently and builds me up once in while, then the other things are just not as important. In fact when you really connect to someone in the areas that are important, then you embrace the rest of them without hardly a thought.

I knew there was a reason I gave you a glowing testimonial and made you one of my Favourites!

Very well put ... as usual, TK.

I adore kids so it wouldn't really matter to me one way or the other. And I have gotton 6 to adulthood (only 2 of which were of my body) without killing anyone

Hey, that's no small feat (hey, summer vacation alone is enough to do a person in!! ), so you have both my respect and admiration!

lol you haven't lived till you have lived with 6 teens at one time~

Doesnt truely matter, but I think guys that have kids "understand" me better. As a parent I find we can relate with them more when they too are a parent.

I think you make a valid point, TT - there are things I thought I knew before I had children ... oh, how wrong I was! (not implying in any way that someone without parenting experience can't be a tremendous influence and partner in raising someone else's children!)

Well, my ultimate preference wasn't listed... widowed, with children. I definitely think men with children are more likely to understand my relationship with my daughter and I would love the opportunity to have more grandchildren than my daughter is willing to concede to (she doesn't want ten children for some reason). Dealing with ex's though, that can be tough. Someone who has never been married (unless they lived with someone for years) by this age (I'm usually attracted to older men), and this may be an unfortunate bias on my part, is suspect.

Just my 4 cents...