You see I've been with my bf for 4 years 1/2. We have 2 kids together but yet we are always fighting. This morning i talked to my mom and we could say she gave me a slap to reality. She told me that they way my bf is acting, it was the same way my dad started when he was dating my mom. Then he became abusive and started hitting her, and now i am kinda scared that my bf will do the same thing to me as my dad did to my mom. He has become very controlling and manipulating over everything, and now he is totally refusing me to go back home since he says he wants the kids to be with him and yes i can understand that since he wasn't much with them last year cause he was in basic training for the military. I don't really want to have to go to court for custody of the kids but part of me is saying to do it n e ways since he wont listen to me when i talk to him.

Any ideal or advice that you guys could give me would be really helpful.

Are you comfortable being with a man who is "refusing" to let you do something?

If your NOT treated with respect and adored then get the hecK out!

Sweetie, you need to think about your children at this point. You also need to take care of yourself so that your children will be safe. As well, you have a mind of your own, do what you feel is the right thing to do

GET OUT! And by all means, if there is a fear of abuse, take the children with you. Don't wait for his permission...just go

Echoing Lilith, something you very much need to think about. My girlfriend went through something similar and very much had the same thoughts about not wanting to fight over custody, etc, not wanting to put the kids through the trauma of divorce, until her ex killed her unborn child and almost killed her. She then went through 6 years of a custody battle anyway.

Not saying your story will end the same, of course, but something to think about.

well was it bad b4 military?

a lot of people that i have known that go into the military just kinda assimilate into the collective and kinda get brainwashed...not saying its happened but it can change people

also kids DO NOT need to see any more negativity than society projects on us! if things go down GET OUT...there are plenty of shelters and organizations to help you and your children. they dont need to see some egregious arguing or ANY physical violence.

Keep your head up and follow your heart. there is nothing anyone could say that would mean anything if it doenst sit in your heart.

you could.......date me no but seriously its better to be in no relationship than an abuseve one. maybe take a break for a minute so that he might realize that his behavior is not acceptabe to you......just dont let it continue because the longer you let it happen the more likely he will think that its ok to act like that.

yes it started before the military and as for shelter i know i can go back home to my mom and Karma

RUN AWAY >.<

Abusers escalate. They isolate and control. They belittle and soothe, they push guilt and lavish praise.... they suck everything you have until you start to doubt it.

If you are wondering, go to counseling. If he refuses, leave.

that's the key word i pulled out of there as well

[babygirl] been there done that an i thought i should stay for the kids it was a mistake to do so not for me but for my kids n ten me in the long run now i can't trust a man n im' 48 yrs old.if you dont do it for you do it for your kids i beg you. if you think you wont be loved you well just put it in gods hands.

You said you "see the signs", or rather, your mom has. Has SHE offered any advice to you? Seeing as how she's "gone through" it before with your dad, I'd start by asking her opinion as a base of reference.

From there, talk to your boyfriend (your profile says "married"??) about how you're feeling. If he's military, his code of conduct must come into question. If this is beyond the "talking it out" stage, then advice on a dating website won't do you much good. You'll need the assistance of something a little more professional. Especially if this DOES become physical.

Stop, drop, and run, while often well-intentioned, doesn't take into account all situations for all people. Yours is unique. I wish you luck.

i have talked to my mom over everything, and i do take her advice in consideration.

As for my profile it says married, because we where suppose to get married last October and it never worked out and i guess i never changed it.

And this ain't just a dating site, it a place where we can meet new people and have some friends.

But thanks for the luck i think ill need it

Wow.......when I think back........I remember having to ask if I could go out with my friends..........

I cant believe I did that!!!

It's funny you say that cause i have to ask if i can go to the mall with my neighbor, just to make sure that he's ok with it and doesn't mind keeping an eye on the kids

excellent points here ..

sorry hadn't read this far .. I would face reality here babe. Counseling or you're out.

My ex went thru PTSD and when the stress pushed him the anger was unbelievable.
My getting us out (4 kids) was the best thing ever .. not just for us but for him.
He couldn't get well until he was alone and could de-stress.

Same here. For a long time there was no actual violence, but the threat of it was ALWAYS there. I can remember literally walking around numb for weeks on end, afraid I was going to say or do something that would be the last straw.

Then one day the last straw happened. It wasn't pretty. Thank God my son wasn't there. My husband held me in our home, alternately beating me and making me sit in a chair for hours on end. He dragged me into the bedroom, slammed my head into a marble table top (I had a brain aneurysm a few years later), announced he was going to kill me and went for his gun. I told him if he did, he'd be shooting me in the back, and I ran like the wind to the neighbors next door.

The police stripped him naked and put him in a "protective" (padded) cell. He was given the choice of prison or a mental hospital, and he took the hospital. It was a long haul for him, but he finally cooperated with his doctors and counselors, and last I heard he was having a fairly normal life...far far away!