Ok, so my 11 yr old daughter is mad at her mom because she is still seeing the guy that she had an affair with,(we have since seperated but are still friends), She gets so mad and hurt and cries and says that she hates her mom and that her mom is a liar for telling me that the daughter was ok with them being "friends".
My 11 yr old daughter is a daddys girl, and she saw how this destroyed me emotionally, but she has also seen me grow into a better person because of this affair.
Our other children dont seem to have such a strong opinion like the oldest one.

I need help on figuring out what to do, I just want everyone, including the mom to be happy

You are not in controll of everyones happiness. Having said that, all you can do now is show your daughter you are better off now and like you, she has to grow past her dissapointment in her mom. It will take a while, but when she sees you happy, she will get it. She has every right to be mad at her mom. But you can only help her to see its ok now.

About all you can do is comfort her and assure her that things will be ok....therapy may not be a bad idea. I wish you the best....

Perhaps, you should get a divorce. Then the child's mother will not have the stigma associated with being married and "dating" at the same time...This will allow your daughter to realize it is "truly" over between her parents....

We plan on getting a divorce in jan-feb with our tax return

should i let the mom know, or just try to show my daughter that its ok? and I will be there for her irregardless

I would suggest your daughter speak to her mother about it....she may be resistant ...but communication is the key to alleviating stress....IMHO

As a parent, I see something here. I intend no disrespect, btw.

Why has your daughter seen how "this destroyed you emotionally"? A child should not have seen that. They are not equipped to emotionally handle it.

Why does your daughter know that this is a man that your wife had an affair with? She's 11 yrs. old!!

no disrespect taken, I am not perfect, and i cried in front of her and she knew that i missed mommy, that is what i ment by being emotionally destroyed because she had never seen me cry before.

She pretty much put 2 and 2 together, he was our neighbor and was always at my house until like 3 or 4 in the am when i was at work, sometimes with his wife and sometimes without, and she was always txting him on the phone, and then she overheard a conversation one time that confirmed it.
The mom and I never fought about this whole situation, we talked and agreed that it was time to end our relationship and just work on being friends again.
Like i said Im not perfect and i know i made a mistake about talking about it, but i thought she was in her bed asleep

Well, I sugget you take your child to a professional keep her away from adult issues. Until she is one.

By the way, irregardless is not a word.

I knew you couldn't resist....

No.... I couldn't!

....if no one tells him, he'll never know!

ok.. I can't resist either.. "Until she is one."
Is a fragment....

But I'm also getting just a B in English.. I could be wrong..

Thank you all very much for your opinions and ideas. She will be seeing someone soon.
I greatly appriciate your concern for my childs mental well-being and helping me with my question

No, you're not wrong. I also so that I needed a comma or more words in the first sentence.

But hey, at least I used actual words!

it is a word according to websters, just mainly used in speech and not the written word according to them, but i am glad you told me, i dont want to sound like an idiot anymore than i already do, lol

Do not believe that source.....and...

Live and Learn

Um, it is classified as "nonstandard".

Dictionary.com:
"Usage Note: Irregardless is a word that many mistakenly believe to be correct usage in formal style, when in fact it is used chiefly in nonstandard speech or casual writing. Coined in the United States in the early 20th century, it has met with a blizzard of condemnation for being an improper yoking of irrespective and regardless and for the logical absurdity of combining the negative ir- prefix and -less suffix in a single term. Although one might reasonably argue that it is no different from words with redundant affixes like debone and unravel, it has been considered a blunder for decades and will probably continue to be so."

I really was trying to help. I hear it often. It's slang, not an actual English word.

On a serious note... I hope your daughter feels better. Just keep telling you that you love her and will always be there for her.

thank you and yes, thats very true!

I don't understand. Are you saying to not believe a dictionary?