100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
| Topic: Why is honesty so hard? | |
|---|---|
|
|
|
I don't understand sometimes why it's so hard for some people to just be honest.
I have the best boyfriend in the whole world. He loves me so much and I know he would do anything for me. We used to be able to talk about anything and everything so easily. Now even the little things seem hard. He quit smoking on our 1 year anniversary because it's something he's been wanting to do for his health. He came up the idea all by himself. I has never even said I wanted him to stop. He told me he wanted to do it for himself and for me. I knew it would be really hard for him because he's been smoking so long. Today when I was looking for his cell phone to answer a call for him I found an empty carton of cigarettes. I've been trying to see how he's doing with quitting, and he doesn't ever want to talk about it. Finding this makes me wonder why it's so hard for him to just tell me he's having a hard time quitting. Doesn't he know that it really doesn't matter to me if he slides a little bit here and there? What can you do to make someone really be honest? I don't know how to approach this. It's such a stupid little thing, but I feel kinda hurt that he won't let me in. I really want him to be able to talk to me. How? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
its not for me... but i know what you mean... seems to be with the men ive been with
 new year though looking for something new!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Whoa. Has it been a long time since he told you he was quitting? Maybe he just relapsed.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Whoa. Has it been a long time since he told you he was quitting? Maybe he just relapsed. He "officially" quit on November 2nd. He has never really told me he was having problems except in the first 2 or 3 weeks. He even told a bunch of his friends on New Years Eve that he doesn't smoke anymore when they were going out for a smoke. It's just strange... It feels like a lie, which makes me kinda mad. But on the other hand, I feel like maybe he's just embarrased or something. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I don't understand sometimes why it's so hard for some people to just be honest. I have the best boyfriend in the whole world. He loves me so much and I know he would do anything for me. We used to be able to talk about anything and everything so easily. Now even the little things seem hard. He quit smoking on our 1 year anniversary because it's something he's been wanting to do for his health. He came up the idea all by himself. I has never even said I wanted him to stop. He told me he wanted to do it for himself and for me. I knew it would be really hard for him because he's been smoking so long. Today when I was looking for his cell phone to answer a call for him I found an empty carton of cigarettes. I've been trying to see how he's doing with quitting, and he doesn't ever want to talk about it. Finding this makes me wonder why it's so hard for him to just tell me he's having a hard time quitting. Doesn't he know that it really doesn't matter to me if he slides a little bit here and there? What can you do to make someone really be honest? I don't know how to approach this. It's such a stupid little thing, but I feel kinda hurt that he won't let me in. I really want him to be able to talk to me. How? Well maybe he just need's some space who knows. But as Mirror said he may have relapsed and feels bad about the whole thing and there for may not want to talk about it. Some people who start talking about this and that so easily once in a while if the person does something that he feels may or may not bother you, may do less speaking. all in all I'm no doctor Phill and I can't answer your question trying to find out what might the best answer be that he may try to give you. All I can say is give him some space and time and if it really bothers you this much that he isn't being honest with you.. talk to him either by email or write him a letter and send it to him, something. If he doesn't respond back then maybe it's time to take some time apart from each other.. who knows. Good luck though. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
you said you found an empty carton. I quit almost 1 yr ago and while cleaning my truck out I found a lot of empty ones. maybe he just didnt through it away. just a thought
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
If that's all he's ever fudged about, he likely is disappointed in himself and worried you will be, too. He may have that macho mentality that gets so many fellows in trouble. Doesn't want to be seen as a failure.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You found an empty carton???? Does he clean up his place very often? It could be older. Just a thought. Need to get all the facts before just jumping to a conclusion. A slip up would be a ciagarette now and then or a pack... but a whole carton...?? Also one would think that you would be able to tell if he was smoking regularly or not. You could smell it on his clothes, his hair.
Best thing is to talk kindly to him about you knowing it's hard what he is trying to do... be as understanding as you possibly can. He may feel bad that he is slipping up also and is ashamed and actually beating himself up over it even more and that is why he may not like to talk about it. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
He may have that macho mentality that gets so many fellows in trouble.    just what are you trying to say? 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
you said you found an empty carton. I quit almost 1 yr ago and while cleaning my truck out I found a lot of empty ones. maybe he just didnt through it away. just a thought Good thought, but it was in his brand new coat that I gave him for Christmas. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The thing about honesty is that some people view it as a strength or a weakness. By being honest about the less than favorable things they are doing, they are admitting to a weakness of theirs, an addiction that has been tried and failed to break. By lying, they not only keep their weakness hidden, they present a sense of dominance in the fact that they can lie to you and truly believe that you believe them.
For some poeple, lying is an addiction, and its not one many can break, they will lie about the smallest of things not realizing how much it can damage. Truth however is also scary, because it leads to the dissapointment felt by the other. In a way, lying is just postponing, or possibly getting rid of, dissapointment felt by you. It isn't right, but a person's natural instinct is to avoid being dissapointed in, because no matter who you are, it hurts. So in a sick sense, lying is a logical choice. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
All the above^^^^^^^^^^?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
It'll be alright, the best thing you can do is what you're heart tells you, and if thats to get to the bottom of this because it really bothers you, then you should, no fear, but if it dosnt, and you can live with just a suspicion, then I say diminish it and carry on.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
... Best thing is to talk kindly to him about you knowing it's hard what he is trying to do... be as understanding as you possibly can. He may feel bad that he is slipping up also and is ashamed and actually beating himself up over it even more and that is why he may not like to talk about it. I think you are absolutely right. He wants to please me so much that even though he should know it wouldn't really bother me, I don't think he wants to me to see his weaknesses. Since he obviously can't make the first move to talk about this, I think that I need to, in the most understanding and suposrtive way I can. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Why are people dishonest, you ask?
Simply put...honesty is difficult and can be very scary at times. Why is that, you ask? Because people JUDGE others! As long as one feels they have a safe place to land with their truths...they will do so. If they let their insecurities control themselves...fear reprecussions for their actions/words...or fear they will hurt another with their truths...they will lie/fib. If we are ALL honest...we will ALL admit...we have lied/fibbed, for one reason or another. It is human nature. What's important is how we own-up to our lies/fibs and move forward from the learning experience.  |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Explain to him that honesty is far more important than his quitting cigarettes
|
|
|
|
|
