I am currently having an internal fight. The person I am is a kind, loving, giving man, but it seems that doesnt work well in todays age. Due to my past marriage and my only relationship since then ( a relationship of 4 years in the 10 years since my divorce), I am fighting to not become a cold blackend hearted person. You know, not become a statistic included in the "why arent there any good guys left". Does anyone have any tools they have aquired to combat this way of defense? Would love any advise or tools!!!!

You say "cold blackend hearted person" like it's a BAD thing....

I know

I refuse to become the bitter old lady. Jealous of everyone and everything. Cold type of woman!

I just refuse!!

I keep a totaly happy healthy attitude towards life

Treat people like they should be treated and just love every day of life!!

And ya know what?

The man of my dreams just plopped into my lap!! LOL. LOL

Love

by realizing that women are people with feelings such as yourself

Hmmm....

There's kindness and generosity of spirit...and is faultless WHEN without agenda.

My truth?

Life is a series of events, both good and not so good...

and to experience them, you have to participate...to participate is to accept responsibility...to accept responsibility is to allow other's their process.

Life is not a Hollywood romance...relationships dont come with a lifetime guarantee....and no-one is responsible for your joyfulness or contentment but YOU.

No-one is responsible for your attitude and outlook in life....EXCEPT YOU.

You choose...believe the negative propaganda you are creating for yourself...or be REAL.

your have the tools,.. my friend,..

you need to re-examine your past relationships,..

"what did you learn about yourself ? "

After my divorce, I spent 6 years doing just that. Learning about me. Growing to be the kind of person that I could live with and what I would want to be with if I were my opposite. Problem is, that type of person seems to be exploited and used for personal gain and then disposed of like the weeks trash. my last relationship seemed to be the ideal romance and friendship. Met a kind, accountable, loving, caring, giving woman only to see that person slowly disipate after a year into the relationship and I was fully vested by that time. In end as the person I fell in love with was totally unrecognizable, it happens that the game was over and she had been found out and bolted with a cowardly text saying she was done.
Left standing in the field alone, I am faced with the challenge of being able to give of myself again when apparently a professional was able to infiltrate my life and play it out for a year (when she knew I was hooked) and then back off slowly so that the changes were subtle and almost unoticeable. Thats what scares me, how long a proffessional will hang in there and say the right things and do the right things because its a good thing for them and then let all hell loose after its too late.

The only thing I can tell you is that being an open-hearted, loving, caring person is a conscious choice you make. You understand that by doing so, you could hurt but when your choice is to close yourself off or potentially hurt, I see it as not being much of a choice at all. I would far rather risk it than shut myself away from life. You love, you live, you learn. Or you die.

I guess this is whinning. I just dont want to change the person I am and deny myself potential happiness, or hurt and sabotage the future of myself or anyone along the way.

I don't see this as whining, I see this as you wanting to continue growing as a human being and asking a common question to a common problem than many (if not most) people struggle with at some point in their lives.

I still see a certain absence of ownership for the failure. Either you have a poor selection process, are not terribly observant or maybe selectively deaf when your partners are communicateing with you. It is not all words actions account for a lot. If the women in your life are repeatedly withering in your shadow then maybe you need to lighten up. If you are feeling exploited then stop being a doormat. Maybe you are promiseing more than you actually give and when you don't live up they move on

Eight years...Eight years of my life with a man I thought I would be with until I died. He up and one day told me "I'm not the marrying kind" Never mind we'd been married for six of those eight years. I was bitter, angry, confused, hurt and ready to chunk it all, to put my heart on lockdown and say "To hell with love, it's all b.s."
But that's not me. I'm the enternal optimist. I BELIEVE there is someone for everyone, I BELIEVE that love that lasts until death exists, I BELIEVE in soulmates. I also believe that if you let it, all those things will pass you by.
If you choose to shut down emotionally, to cut yourself off from the potential, you're the one that suffers. Would you really be content with the nevers that come with that? Never knowing that someone loves you for you? Never waking up next to the woman who makes your heart melt with her smile? Never getting that phone call in the middle of the day just so she can say "I love you"?
Sounds like a barren existance to me, and I would not wish that on anyone.
I deal with the past by learning from it, making changes in myself. The only common denominator in my past relationships was me. There are things that I need to work on still, and will. Sometimes it isn't easy, but being utterly honest with yourself is key. My hope, my dream is to one day find a man who understands I'm human and have my faults and failings and loves me anyway.
I wish you all the best of luck and hope you find your One

Might want to take a long hard look at what the people who have failed you have in common. Bet it is clearer than it appears. to others than it may be to yourself. If all else failes make an inventory and see if those elements are somthing you could handel differently.

just be a b@stard like the rest, it's the only option left!

If you figure it out, please let me know.

<-----cold blackend hearted person in the making.

Be a man!!! Stab a teddy bear!!

Love yourself, take care of yourself and do things that you want to do.

I was divorced 10 years ago and was in a relationship 4 years ago and he died...
if I can stay un jaded anyone can. I meditate, read, pray.. it hasn't gotten me dates however, I do have peace and am able to keep my heart open.

yeah, start looking at your part in the matter, and take responsibility for the fact that you got yourself into your own situations.

Then who ya gonna hate? You?