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| Topic: Shallow Be Thy Name | |
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Damn Bonnie, now I'm hungry.  Want some of the soup I made today?? It's really good.  |
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i won't ever date someone to whom i'm not attracted. why would anyone? the attributes don't always have to remain constant, so long as there is chemistry and easy rapport. i've never understood how wanting someone to meet your physical and emotional needs is considered shallow? Wise words although not shallow i do think i'm gorgeous  Anna x
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Lex, while I can see where you are coming from. Can u imagine what the dating world would be like if everyone was so "shallow" as you? Im not trying to be rude here, however if there was no woman willing to look beyond physical attributes, well my friend you would surely be without a date...The point is, if u mean to say your "standards" are for example; I will only date blondes or women who weigh less then 120lbs well there is a reason that kinda of thinking is frowned upon because, by excluding and enitire group of women based mainly on their appearence is only cheating yourself, anyone with any intelligence at all knows that. No one can know what will make them happy, in then end all that matters is how that person makes you feel, not how they look. Dont get me wrong your opinion doesn't anger me at all, I only think that you limit yourself from finding true happiness the way you are thinking about dating. I think you really need to know a lot more about someone before you go around making scattershot (and wildly inaccurate) observations about them. I will ignore your blatant insult, even though it's clearly against forum rules -- I will leave it to someone else to deal with. And, again, you're wildly inaccurate. For the record, while I have my personal preferences, I only have three actual deal-breakers: no drugs, no alcohol, no kids. I realize that the last two pretty much preclude any connection with anyone on most dating sites, and that's OK. I'm not going to lower my standards just to be "with someone." Been there, done that, not worth it, and not doing it again. "True happiness," as you put it, for me, cannot include anyone who drinks or uses drugs or has kids. Period. That's my list. It is what it is. |
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See, and I just pouted because I didn't fit in your parameters.
 But I didn't let that get me down...  I still adore you from afar. And I loved the shot at your intelligence. It made my morning! 
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 IV.... you are the Brad Pitt of this site, IMO.
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Edited by
AGoodGuy1026
on
Mon 09/28/09 08:30 AM
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I am surprised to hear this from you, a writer....
Main Entry: 1shal·low Pronunciation: \ˈsha-(ˌ)lō\ Function: adjective Etymology: Middle English schalowe; probably akin to Old English sceald shallow — more at skeleton Date: 14th century 1 : having little depth <shallow water> 2 : having little extension inward or backward <office buildings have taken the form of shallow slabs — Lewis Mumford> 3 a : penetrating only the easily or quickly perceived <shallow generalizations> b : lacking in depth of knowledge, thought, or feeling <a shallow demagogue> 4 : displacing comparatively little air I find your posts, observations, and communicated desires in a woman/relationship very insightful, feeling - and intelligent... conveyed with skill and DEPTH (both in knowledge and feeling)... Ok, so you have standards, so you know what you want on many levels, so you enjoy certain physical attributes in a woman, certain intellect, certain personality attributes... To me, your being far more than shallow... quite the opposite I would think... I have met shallow women... trust me, everytime they say "let's talk about how pretty I am".... now THAT is shallow... You need to move to a more populated area, surely it would help your quest!!  p.s. as for my spelling... OY VEY!! 
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If Lexy moves to a more populated area he would likely find.... MORE women who drink that are mothers.
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Personally, I teared up.
(ironic to toast you considering your preferences, however I'm pretty sure I don't want to date you)
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Yeah! CHEESEBURGERS ALL AROUND!.. Oh wait..
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The bottom line w/ me on this subject matter is honest,open,straight forwardness right from the onset of your communication w/ this other person.Otherwise U are filling up this hot air balloon w/ false truths,expectations,exaggerations,promises,etc.cleverly concealed beneath some guise of deception.This dimwitted & dishonest approach generally leads up to the same inevitable outcome.Do I have preferences? Of course I do & they are plainly & clearly stated within my profile.I will say that my preferences are not based solely on superficial attributes however there must be a pleasant attraction between us two for obvious reasons otherwise the sexual component of your relationship later will certainly be compromised.Do I have flaws? Of course I do.And I'm equally certain that she possesses some likewise.At this point & age in my life I am completely aware of what I want & expect within a relationship.And more importantly what I don't want in my next relationship for I have learned well from sheer experience that nearly destroyed me financially,physically & emotionally.Hence the saying"if we are not taught by our past we are doomed to repeat it".If my words have left U w/ the impression that I am shallow then so be it for I can assure that I will not be concerned nor lose sleep over your indifference.There lies no limitations or time constraints to-wards finding my S/O as far as I'm concerned.I've been here nearly 3 yrs.w/ some wonderful friends & I find the forums to be highly entertaining.Within me lies hope that we will one day find one another but until then I shall bide my time w/o any regrets,false hope or disillusionment.Godspeed! Cy.  Here Here!! |
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It is what it is. I've come to grips with it. I'm shallow. And superficial and judgmental and picky and overly selective and whatever else turns up in the thesaurus. And that's OK. I used to be one of those guys who didn't want to come across as too hung up on the physical stuff, the material stuff, the outward basics, even though those things mattered. Those things were never ALL that mattered, but they mattered to some extent, to varying degrees, and I saw how, on dating sites, people were just so DOWN on that perception. "Shallow" meant you were bad person. And I thought about that. Why? Why does knowing what you want -- and perhaps more importantly, what you DON'T want -- make you a bad person? And then I figured it out. Well, I had some help. A lot of people wrote me scathing notes (usually badly misspelled but often decipherable!) blasting me because I admitted I had deal-breakers, I had standards. And all of my critics were people who wanted to give me a hard time because my deal-breakers, my standards, excluded THEM. They weren't doing it out of any sense of fair play or equanimity or detached moral outrage -- they were doing it because they took my deal-breakers and standards as personal insults towards THEM -- people I never even knew existed until they wasted their time and bad spelling writing to me. Well, whose problem is THAT? Not mine. Look, I've read 4,893,218 profiles of people (men and women) claiming they want someone "decent" or "intelligent," saying "Looks don't matter" and "It's what's on the inside that counts," and I'm calling BS here. Because, at least most of the time, it's clearly BS. Embrace your shallowness, your superficiality. Deal with it. Don't go on pretending to be some Paragon of Virtue just because you can lie about what you're looking for. Save us all a lot of time. Hello my name is Frances and I am shallow  Lex 
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(((((Lex))))
 I think you are special,always be yourself, and proud of who you are.
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I find your posts, observations, and communicated desires in a woman/relationship very insightful, feeling - and intelligent... conveyed with skill and DEPTH (both in knowledge and feeling)... Thank you. There have been times when I feel like people get entirely too wrapped up in the words I use, with no perception whatsoever of their underlying meanings. It's nice to know that there are those who "get it"....! Ok, so you have standards, so you know what you want on many levels, so you enjoy certain physical attributes in a woman, certain intellect, certain personality attributes... Right, and for some, this is somehow "shallow" -- but only, it seems, when it excludes THEM. There is some kind of oversimplifying mental process going on here -- when people think "I like blondes" also means "All people who aren't blondes are worthless." To me, your being far more than shallow... quite the opposite I would think... I have met shallow women... trust me, everytime they say "let's talk about how pretty I am".... now THAT is shallow... I'm asking people to take a look at the idea that we don't all have to like or want the same things. You need to move to a more populated area, surely it would help your quest!! p.s. as for my spelling... OY VEY!! No, there is no more quest -- there is only one person for me, and if I can't be with her, then it's pointless to look elsewhere. |
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See, you make statements li that and I wanna biotch slap you, Lexy.
Getyerheadouttaurass!!! Oooops. Okay sorry. But no, I mean it. You rock!
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See, you make statements li that and I wanna biotch slap you, Lexy. Getyerheadouttaurass!!! Oooops. Okay sorry. But no, I mean it. You rock! Had a major revelation two Sundays ago after a long phone convo with Gem. It's all so obvious now. I wrote about it in my profile if you need additional information. |
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Edited by
lilith401
on
Mon 09/28/09 11:37 AM
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That's not a revelation, Lexy. That's acceptance of being treated like shizola.
Just my opinion, of course. But I want better for you. Damn I can't spell today. |
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That's not a revelation, Lexy. That's acceptance of being treated like shizola. Just my opinion, of course. But I want better for you. Damn I can't spell today. Honestly? I want better for me, too. It ain't out there. |
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Stomps feet!!!!!
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Edited by
Calleigh12
on
Mon 09/28/09 01:00 PM
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Exactly, Lex. They're just pissed because they take it as a rejection of them personally. If you say you don't date men with kids, and they have kids or want kids, they get mad- "What's wrong with kids???" If you say you don't date fat men, and they're fat, they get mad- "There's nothing wrong with a bigger man, I thought all women preferred a bigger man, you're just a shallow b!tch, and it's your loss."
If you don't date certain races, and they're of that race, you're a racist and a separatist- "How can you say that, people are people, there's only one race, the human race, of course I'd date outside my race (yet they never seem to, hmmm, not sure what's up with that)." And if you say you don't date ignorant people, uneducated people, common people, illiterates, and those who use bad spelling and grammar, and they're of that persuasion, again you're being a bad person- "Not everyone had a good education, some people are doing the best they can, he can be a great guy and not know how to communicate properly, just give him a chance." Um, yeah. No thanks, dating isn't a charity, I have no idea when it became a popular thought to date those you find undesirable, just because they "deserve it." I'm glad you put this out there, people seem to respect your opinion, so hopefully it will do some good.
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It is what it is. I've come to grips with it. I'm shallow. And superficial and judgmental and picky and overly selective and whatever else turns up in the thesaurus. And that's OK. I used to be one of those guys who didn't want to come across as too hung up on the physical stuff, the material stuff, the outward basics, even though those things mattered. Those things were never ALL that mattered, but they mattered to some extent, to varying degrees, and I saw how, on dating sites, people were just so DOWN on that perception. "Shallow" meant you were bad person. And I thought about that. Why? Why does knowing what you want -- and perhaps more importantly, what you DON'T want -- make you a bad person? And then I figured it out. Well, I had some help. A lot of people wrote me scathing notes (usually badly misspelled but often decipherable!) blasting me because I admitted I had deal-breakers, I had standards. And all of my critics were people who wanted to give me a hard time because my deal-breakers, my standards, excluded THEM. They weren't doing it out of any sense of fair play or equanimity or detached moral outrage -- they were doing it because they took my deal-breakers and standards as personal insults towards THEM -- people I never even knew existed until they wasted their time and bad spelling writing to me. Well, whose problem is THAT? Not mine. Look, I've read 4,893,218 profiles of people (men and women) claiming they want someone "decent" or "intelligent," saying "Looks don't matter" and "It's what's on the inside that counts," and I'm calling BS here. Because, at least most of the time, it's clearly BS. Embrace your shallowness, your superficiality. Deal with it. Don't go on pretending to be some Paragon of Virtue just because you can lie about what you're looking for. Save us all a lot of time. You are by far my favorite "Mutual Match". 
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