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| Topic: Input welcome..any at all.... | |
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hmmm....do I like challenges....??...yes. why I like challenges....??....well....I always assumed it was because its never boring. I don't want to be miserable...but a little upset in the day to day life where you have to stay on your toes i think is healthy. When two people are overly nice to eachother and never fight..thats creepy...and i would believe that if nobody ever gets upset in the relationship then nobody apparently cares. I care about who I'm with. That I am certain. Otherwise I would not still be there. It just so happens he is quite the challenge. Obviously the pros out weigh the cons at this point. If the bad starts outweighing the good then i would have to say good by. You have your answer then; if the pros outweigh the cons, you're not settling. I hope it continues to work out for you. |
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Don't we all have an image in our minds about who will sweep us off our feet? In each of our minds there is a perception of who we want to be with. There is also a perception of HOW we all want to be loved. How I want to be loved may be different from how YOU want to be loved. Now....here is my conundrum.... When you are with someone and you appreciate MANY of the aspects that make up that individual...you like the way they walk..talk..smile..joke...ect ect ect...You care for them greatly...but there is one problem.... You don't like HOW they love you.... I don't know how to feel about this. I really don't like how he expresses his love....he barely does express any feelings at all on any given day to begin with. He has told me he loves me...but he is not the snuggle bear and does not exude sentiments of sweetness....its just not how he rolls. In his mind a guy that is sensitive enough to show his emotions and whisper sweet nothings in my ear...he must be gay. thats his stand on this...and he's not budgging. I want to know...is it wrong of me to not appreciate how he shows his love?....I think it blows...I don't feel like I'm getting what I need from the relationship....is this selfish on my part? Am I? Idunno....I refuse to settle...would I be?... if this is just how he is and it never changes? would I be settling on my part? I'm trying to be realistic....I don't believe in the "love at first sight" thing...soul mates?...not so much...twin flames?...yeah..I thought perhaps we are... I dunno if you wanna comment....any input is welcome. Why can't love be simpler? Like when I was 20. I love you... you love me... simple as sh...it.... *sigh*.... Love is simple. It's so simple people try to complicate it because they can't see how something so magnificent can be so simple. |
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Don't we all have an image in our minds about who will sweep us off our feet? In each of our minds there is a perception of who we want to be with. There is also a perception of HOW we all want to be loved. How I want to be loved may be different from how YOU want to be loved. Now....here is my conundrum.... When you are with someone and you appreciate MANY of the aspects that make up that individual...you like the way they walk..talk..smile..joke...ect ect ect...You care for them greatly...but there is one problem.... You don't like HOW they love you.... I don't know how to feel about this. I really don't like how he expresses his love....he barely does express any feelings at all on any given day to begin with. He has told me he loves me...but he is not the snuggle bear and does not exude sentiments of sweetness....its just not how he rolls. In his mind a guy that is sensitive enough to show his emotions and whisper sweet nothings in my ear...he must be gay. thats his stand on this...and he's not budgging. I want to know...is it wrong of me to not appreciate how he shows his love?....I think it blows...I don't feel like I'm getting what I need from the relationship....is this selfish on my part? Am I? Idunno....I refuse to settle...would I be?... if this is just how he is and it never changes? would I be settling on my part? I'm trying to be realistic....I don't believe in the "love at first sight" thing...soul mates?...not so much...twin flames?...yeah..I thought perhaps we are... I dunno if you wanna comment....any input is welcome. Why can't love be simpler? Like when I was 20. I love you... you love me... simple as sh...it.... *sigh*.... Love is simple. It's so simple people try to complicate it because they can't see how something so magnificent can be so simple. Nothing is simple when you bring another person into it. Love as a concept might very well be simple, but human interactions are complex because no two people are the same. |
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Don't we all have an image in our minds about who will sweep us off our feet? In each of our minds there is a perception of who we want to be with. There is also a perception of HOW we all want to be loved. How I want to be loved may be different from how YOU want to be loved. Now....here is my conundrum.... When you are with someone and you appreciate MANY of the aspects that make up that individual...you like the way they walk..talk..smile..joke...ect ect ect...You care for them greatly...but there is one problem.... You don't like HOW they love you.... I don't know how to feel about this. I really don't like how he expresses his love....he barely does express any feelings at all on any given day to begin with. He has told me he loves me...but he is not the snuggle bear and does not exude sentiments of sweetness....its just not how he rolls. In his mind a guy that is sensitive enough to show his emotions and whisper sweet nothings in my ear...he must be gay. thats his stand on this...and he's not budgging. I want to know...is it wrong of me to not appreciate how he shows his love?....I think it blows...I don't feel like I'm getting what I need from the relationship....is this selfish on my part? Am I? Idunno....I refuse to settle...would I be?... if this is just how he is and it never changes? would I be settling on my part? I'm trying to be realistic....I don't believe in the "love at first sight" thing...soul mates?...not so much...twin flames?...yeah..I thought perhaps we are... I dunno if you wanna comment....any input is welcome. Why can't love be simpler? Like when I was 20. I love you... you love me... simple as sh...it.... *sigh*.... I had a gorgeous police woman sweep me off my feet i thought Anna you have pulled how lucky am i? then i realised she was arresting me for shoplifting!!  Anna x
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So the guy is not giving you what you want, but you enjoy a challenge and think you will be able to change him?
And the world wonders why fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce? |
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 Nobody is perfect
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Nobody is perfect Unfortunately, that's true.... |
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Nobody is perfect Excuse me.......Pfffffft I am
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Nobody is perfect Excuse me...i am perfect my old head english teacher said i was or was that prefect??  Anna x
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Just figured I would throw my two cents worth in here.
I'm curious as to if he told you, when you two met, if he would be an affectionate person. You know....he said what you wanted to hear just so he could be with you. Not saying that he did, just wondering because you two do seem to be opposites on this. I know dudes like him. They think that if they show affection, then it makes them look weak. In all honesty, I feel that when you do show affection you actually show strength. Strength in yourself and that you are confident in who you are. If you are not affectionate, then in all likely hood you probably never will be. But if you are, and you choose to not show it, then you do yourself a disservice. Given that you have talked to him, and given that it took you leaving him for him to want to try to be the man you want, I can honestly say that you have put yourself at odds here. Yes, there is that chance he will be the affectionate person you want. But then again, since you had to create this within him, is it really self sustaining? What I mean is....do you think he will be this person down the road? Can he show affection when he is around the guys? Can he be man enough to do it? And, this is just my own personal belief, but when you truly love someone, you don't mind being embarrassed. You don't mind holding her hand, or giving her a hug, or looking at her with those eyes that say, "You got me. You have all of me". When I was married, and was in love, I did all that. Yeah, the guys would rag on me, but they knew that I was hers. And you know something. My true dude friends totally got that about me. I just don't feel affection, should be something that is forced. I am probably old fashioned, but to me affection shows alot. The little touches, looks...they all mean something. And, while he may feel that only gay guys are like this, some of the toughest guys I know are total love nuts for their ladies. And they don't do it because the women ask them to. They do it because they love them. Anyways, this is just Goof's thought. Do with it as you will. And good luck to you.
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So the guy is not giving you what you want, but you enjoy a challenge and think you will be able to change him? And the world wonders why fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce? I believe that a relationship takes two to make it work. I'm giving what I can to make him comfortable as possible. No two people are going to agree 100% of the time. I try give him the space he needs...He trys to give me the reassurance I need from time to time. give and take....its probably what it lacking in most marriages. |
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Just figured I would throw my two cents worth in here. I'm curious as to if he told you, when you two met, if he would be an affectionate person. You know....he said what you wanted to hear just so he could be with you. Not saying that he did, just wondering because you two do seem to be opposites on this. I know dudes like him. They think that if they show affection, then it makes them look weak. In all honesty, I feel that when you do show affection you actually show strength. Strength in yourself and that you are confident in who you are. If you are not affectionate, then in all likely hood you probably never will be. But if you are, and you choose to not show it, then you do yourself a disservice. Given that you have talked to him, and given that it took you leaving him for him to want to try to be the man you want, I can honestly say that you have put yourself at odds here. Yes, there is that chance he will be the affectionate person you want. But then again, since you had to create this within him, is it really self sustaining? What I mean is....do you think he will be this person down the road? Can he show affection when he is around the guys? Can he be man enough to do it? And, this is just my own personal belief, but when you truly love someone, you don't mind being embarrassed. You don't mind holding her hand, or giving her a hug, or looking at her with those eyes that say, "You got me. You have all of me". When I was married, and was in love, I did all that. Yeah, the guys would rag on me, but they knew that I was hers. And you know something. My true dude friends totally got that about me. I just don't feel affection, should be something that is forced. I am probably old fashioned, but to me affection shows alot. The little touches, looks...they all mean something. And, while he may feel that only gay guys are like this, some of the toughest guys I know are total love nuts for their ladies. And they don't do it because the women ask them to. They do it because they love them. Anyways, this is just Goof's thought. Do with it as you will. And good luck to you. I believe you have a point. However....Sometimes it takes someone to tell you..."hey num nuts...your an idiot if you screw this up"....in order to take a step back and realize what your doing may not be the best course of action....he did screw up and I told him so and left....he thought about it and realized he did screw up. He appologized...and perhaps he is telling me what I want to hear...but I also told him that he can talk all he wants. I am looking for his actions to speak louder than his words. He knows this. I'm giving it another shot...I don't know where this will take me. I hope it takes me closer to his heart....who knows... I don't want to throw the opportunity away for somthing great because he has a hard time showing how he feels...ya know? But i do appreciate what you said...and i will be thinking about what you said for the rest of the day...beleive me...I will go to sleep thinkin about this :p thank you for the advice hun! |
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Edited by
wux
on
Tue 12/01/09 12:57 PM
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There is more than one way to milk a cat.
1. You could throw in your feminine charm. "You cuddle, mofo, this isntant, or no raspberries with your oatmeal tomorrow!" 2. You could gnaw at him. "Cindy says George cuddles her. He cuddles her in the morning, they cuddle at lunch, they cuddle at bedtime. Britney says Hubert cuddles her, and so does Vincent. And Peter, too. She gets cuddled, and she laughs in my face, because she knows I'm not getting any cuddles. I am, as far as she's concerned, a one-armed giant. Frederich cuddles Elizabeth, Mary cuddles Jesus, and Ramajaranghandarathamsandan cuddles Magandrahajarahatamarahara. Why, for crying out loud, can't you coudle?" 3. You could threaten to tell his parents. 4. You could hire a couple of hitmen to break both of his kneecaps if he keeps on refusing to nightcap. 5. If he says that cuddling and smooching is gay, bring in a gay couple for him, let them show it to him what they do, and afterward ask your boyfriend to name 50 things that are different between cuddling and smooching and being gay. |
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There is more than one way to milk a cat. 1. You could throw in your feminine charm. "You cuddle, mofo, this isntant, or no raspberries with your oatmeal tomorrow!" 2. You could gnaw at him. "Cindy says George cuddles her. He cuddles her in the morning, they cuddle at lunch, they cuddle at bedtime. Britney says Hubert cuddles her, and so do Vincent and Peter as well. She gets cuddled, and she laughs in my face, because she knows I'm not getting any cuddles. I am, as far as she's concerned, a one-armed giant. Frederich cuddles Elizabeth, Mary cuddles Jesus, and Ramajaranghandarathamsandan cuddles Magandrahajarahatamarahara. Why, for crying out loud, can't you coudle?" 3. You could threaten to tell his parents. 4. You could hire a couple of hitmen to break both of his kneecaps if he keeps on refusing to nightcap. 5. If he says that cuddling and smooching is gay, bring in a gay couple for him, let them show it to him what they do, and afterward ask your boyfriend to name 50 things that are different between cuddling and smooching and being gay. ROTFLMFAO!!!!!! oh my gawd!!!.....lmao!!... I think i laughed so hard i peed my pants!!! LMAO!! Im going to use the gay line on him...lol....I'm waiting for him to say it....WAITING!!! LOL |
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Just figured I would throw my two cents worth in here. I'm curious as to if he told you, when you two met, if he would be an affectionate person. You know....he said what you wanted to hear just so he could be with you. Not saying that he did, just wondering because you two do seem to be opposites on this. I know dudes like him. They think that if they show affection, then it makes them look weak. In all honesty, I feel that when you do show affection you actually show strength. Strength in yourself and that you are confident in who you are. If you are not affectionate, then in all likely hood you probably never will be. But if you are, and you choose to not show it, then you do yourself a disservice. Given that you have talked to him, and given that it took you leaving him for him to want to try to be the man you want, I can honestly say that you have put yourself at odds here. Yes, there is that chance he will be the affectionate person you want. But then again, since you had to create this within him, is it really self sustaining? What I mean is....do you think he will be this person down the road? Can he show affection when he is around the guys? Can he be man enough to do it? And, this is just my own personal belief, but when you truly love someone, you don't mind being embarrassed. You don't mind holding her hand, or giving her a hug, or looking at her with those eyes that say, "You got me. You have all of me". When I was married, and was in love, I did all that. Yeah, the guys would rag on me, but they knew that I was hers. And you know something. My true dude friends totally got that about me. I just don't feel affection, should be something that is forced. I am probably old fashioned, but to me affection shows alot. The little touches, looks...they all mean something. And, while he may feel that only gay guys are like this, some of the toughest guys I know are total love nuts for their ladies. And they don't do it because the women ask them to. They do it because they love them. Anyways, this is just Goof's thought. Do with it as you will. And good luck to you. I believe you have a point. However....Sometimes it takes someone to tell you..."hey num nuts...your an idiot if you screw this up"....in order to take a step back and realize what your doing may not be the best course of action....he did screw up and I told him so and left....he thought about it and realized he did screw up. He appologized...and perhaps he is telling me what I want to hear...but I also told him that he can talk all he wants. I am looking for his actions to speak louder than his words. He knows this. I'm giving it another shot...I don't know where this will take me. I hope it takes me closer to his heart....who knows... I don't want to throw the opportunity away for somthing great because he has a hard time showing how he feels...ya know? But i do appreciate what you said...and i will be thinking about what you said for the rest of the day...beleive me...I will go to sleep thinkin about this :p thank you for the advice hun! And I do agree that sometimes, it does take a "wake up" call for some people to realize things need to be changed. However, instant changes are easy to do. I mean, a month from now, you could make a comment on how happy you are that he has shown more affection and that you are proud of the changes he has made. He then could start to slack off on things. I am not saying this will happen, but I have seen alot of reltionships in my lifetime. And I have things like this happen. Since you do want this relationship to work, I am hoping he doesn't slack off down the road. And, he might not. But their is that strong chance that he could, and you know what that means don't you? Means that he really didn't have the one change that he needed...which was to change his heart. I know that is corny, but it is true. If you can't change your heart, then the change you are trying to make will fail. Yes, we do need those wake up calls. And yes, there are time when we must hit bottom to see clearly. But if we don't stick to what we want to change, and if we don't commit ourselves to it, then it is going to fail. I hope he has hit bottom, realized what he lost, and is going to prove that he can change. If so, then all this effort will be worth it. |
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You should ask Chuck Norris.
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goofball....your right....it could.
everything you said could happen. I will be aware of this the entire time. I don't want to see him hit bottom....idunno if he did. only he knows that. All I feel that I can do at this point is continue doing what I have been. Take the advice of keeping communication open and making sure that I'm listening to him and what he needs....I'm going to try. If it does not work....another chapter was written for me and at least I know how it plays out. I would rather try and be defeated than to never try and never have the experiences and never know what could have happened....ya know? |
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In his mind a guy that is sensitive enough to show his emotions and whisper sweet nothings in my ear...he must be gay. thats his stand on this...and he's not budgging. You can't force it, but you can acclimate him to your level, slowly. Ask someone to walk a mile for you, and they might do it, once. Ask for a walk around the block, and occasionaly veer left and right, noting his tolerance for change, and see where it goes. By far, I'm not even close to an expert, definitely more romantic than her, less guarded, and often more emotional. Why can't love be simpler? Like when I was 20. I love you... you love me... simple as sh...it.... *sigh*.... For me, rocket science like matter is pretty much common place here, and old hat, as I design and build new machines on an almost daily basis, changing this and that, to suit my customers needs. Ask me how to encourage romance in the woman I love, now that's complicated, a dam* near unsolvable equation. How's this for irony. When she says, "You're still an a$$hole", I know for her it means she loves me. She's melting, and the regular installments of roses in both of our houses have helped heaps. Slowly, ever so slowly, change happens, if it's meant to. You could sense the vulnerablity when she appreciated my mushy text message comments to her, as a chink of her armor fell to the side. So yea, appreciate the little changes. They'll add up. |
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Citizen joe.....wow....perhaps you have more patience than me...
I have been trying ....and trying....and trying....and I feel like as much as I have tried I should have gotten farther along than I have with him. He.....he...Idunno....I'm beginning to feel like he is more of a man of talk than of action.... He told me he would try harder....hold me more...show me how he feels....but so far he has not... I guess my other problem with his personality is I feel like everything I do for him goes completely unappreciated. I feel like I am giving so much more into the relationship than he is... ....like...70/30 split....can't say he never does ANYTHING...but...not nearly as much as me.Then add on top of it he is not giving me what I need. *sigh*.........uggggggg I'm a woman that needs lots of hugs.....love.....kisses...hand holding....cuddling.....sincerity.....i need need need need...and as goofy as this may sound....I have a time line....he is on a count down.... I need him to man up....show me how he feels...be my man..show me he is my man....and not be a chicken **** to show me he is my man... anyway....Citizen.....if your doing all this for your g/f....you must feel it is possible to crack that outer shell... I'm not so sure I can crack his.... I'm tired of doing the romancing.... When is it my turn to be swept of MY feet?..... I feel like i deserve to be....and all i do is keep waiting....I'm getting tired of doing so. |
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Sounds like your mind is made up, it's up to you to follow through.
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