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Topic: Communication with EX loved ones
no photo
Wed 05/26/10 05:58 PM
I have a interesting situation with my ex wife it seems that she still loves me. She wrote me a letter about 2 months ago and so stating. Problem number two is that we had a child together. The communication lane has been great in that I can speak with my daughter on the phone and what not. Later the calls have become more and more frequent. I am afraid that she is tring to find a way to grab a hold of my heart. I do tend to be a sensitive kind of guy so it does bug me some what.

Tell of any stories or happenings that are similar to this....Also what are your thoughts and insight into this situation???

Emily1990's photo
Wed 05/26/10 06:01 PM
i dont know what to tell you hun, but i would say think it all through, decide whats best. I wish you the best flowerforyou

All my ex's are totaly removed from life or best friends now so i dont know this one yet

no photo
Wed 05/26/10 06:07 PM
THANK YOU EMILY FOR YOU INPUT...MUCH APRECIATED:smile:

horzman's photo
Wed 05/26/10 06:14 PM
every situation is different... I tend to move on and not look back.

but if you still have feelings for her, and obviously she does for you.... I don't see the problem in at least going on a date or two see how it feels.... you might be able to overcome the problems that caused your divorce.
People can learn from their mistakes, and they change, who knows, you story might have a happy ending.

krupa's photo
Wed 05/26/10 06:16 PM
just remember this...

at some point in the relationship either you were not good enough for her or she was not good enough for you.

the only reason that would change would be if it was a beneficial convenience. People do not change thier base nature. Sure they may shed some weight or give up smoking or start taking pottery classes...but beneath that are the people we couldnt deal wih all those years ago.

but, if the sex makes all the argueing worth it then do what you like my man. (I rank my ex's according to how good they were in bed....not according to how b!tchy they got)

buttons's photo
Wed 05/26/10 06:18 PM
i can honestly say i was suckered into this a couple of times... and its great for 6 months then goes back to the norm ... i have thought this out much.. i realize that they are used to the same patterns with someone.. perhaps thay can take their charm and have it last for the next person..

FearandLoathing's photo
Wed 05/26/10 09:35 PM

i can honestly say i was suckered into this a couple of times... and its great for 6 months then goes back to the norm ... i have thought this out much.. i realize that they are used to the same patterns with someone.. perhaps thay can take their charm and have it last for the next person..


This. Just replace the 6 with a 2.smokin

IgorFrankensteen's photo
Thu 05/27/10 06:11 AM
Well said Buttons! I was going to say similarly, that the greatest danger when someone returns like this, is that they are following old emotional trails inside themselves, not making a fresh new judgment that they want YOU as you are.
I would urge you to review why the two of you split up, and decide whether those reasons were good and correct. If they were (most of the time they are), then you have to next investigate whether anything has changed in the ensuing time. Occasionally, things do change, people do grow, and actually become compatible whereas before, they were not. This isn't common, though. Most common, is that one or the other suffers pangs of loneliness, and mistakenly thinks that what worked to make them feel good before, can work again, in spite of the very real reasons the unity failed before.
But you can't make a real life judgment about someone based on statistics. You have to ponder each situation on it's own merits. Keep your eyes open. Take care neither to hold a grudge against her for whatever went before, but also watch out that she is fooling HERSELF into thinking that all is now as though nothing negative happened to take you to where you are.

no photo
Thu 05/27/10 06:19 AM
Edited by Kings_Knight on Thu 05/27/10 06:27 AM

I have a interesting situation with my ex wife it seems that she still loves me. She wrote me a letter about 2 months ago and so stating. Problem number two is that we had a child together. The communication lane has been great in that I can speak with my daughter on the phone and what not. Later the calls have become more and more frequent. I am afraid that she is tring to find a way to grab a hold of my heart. I do tend to be a sensitive kind of guy so it does bug me some what.

Tell of any stories or happenings that are similar to this....Also what are your thoughts and insight into this situation???


Some questions to consider: WHY did y'all break up in the first place? How long have you been divorced? Has she had anyone else in her life since the divorce? Was there a recent breakup with that 'signficant other'? Did she have a job and now its gone? These are just for starters ... I understand the part about having had a child together. At this point, y'all are divorced and that (hopefully) was settled in the proceedings. It sounds as if she was awarded primary custody from your post.

So: WHAT has changed in her life to bring about the sudden reversal? Things like this don't happen without pre-planning. It just happens that YOU don't know what the 'pre-planning' on her part included. The opening of contact was NOT, even tho' you may think it was, 'spontaneous', nor was it 'accidental'. It was thought out, planned, and put into action.

Now: The question becomes - What'cha gonna do, cowboy ... ? Take it at face value and be played because you let your heart rule your head, or ask the tough questions that need to be asked? You know what you have to do ... "Trust - but verify."

Just so you know - like a couple of other posters here have testified, I was drawn into this very same scenario my own self. It's great for about 2 or 3 months, then all the things that led to the divorce start bubblin' up to the surface again. I don't care HOW GOOD the sex might be, life's too short for that crap ... Besides, the word 'ex' has such a nice ring to it ... sounds like - 'victory' ...

hutch78's photo
Thu 05/27/10 06:32 AM
g'day mate,dont worry to much about it,love is love doesnt have to be a sexual or together thing
i split up with my ex close to 5yrs ago & we love each other more & respect each other more now than we ever did.
we have 2 children that i have for a year & then she has them the following then i have them & so on.
we dont make plans of such for holidays or anything if one wants to take them where ever they doits pretty simple really.

i would never take my ex back but thats just me everyone is different
nothing against my ex either she is a great gal,nothing bad against her at all
at the end of the day mate we are just men & women.
you have to make the choice.but dont do it just because you have a child together do it for the right reason that you do genuinely love each other

no photo
Sat 05/29/10 09:40 PM

I have a interesting situation with my ex wife it seems that she still loves me. She wrote me a letter about 2 months ago and so stating. Problem number two is that we had a child together. The communication lane has been great in that I can speak with my daughter on the phone and what not. Later the calls have become more and more frequent. I am afraid that she is tring to find a way to grab a hold of my heart. I do tend to be a sensitive kind of guy so it does bug me some what.

Tell of any stories or happenings that are similar to this....Also what are your thoughts and insight into this situation???


would never date you (or anyone in a situation like yours)....but good luck

no photo
Sat 05/29/10 09:42 PM

i can honestly say i was suckered into this a couple of times... and its great for 6 months then goes back to the norm ... i have thought this out much.. i realize that they are used to the same patterns with someone.. perhaps thay can take their charm and have it last for the next person..
exactly - B4 acting on this I'd say sit back and think of all the reasons why u broke it off - all that stuff is gonna be there still - like it or not

krupa's photo
Sun 05/30/10 06:34 AM
Does giving the finger count as communication?

no photo
Sun 05/30/10 07:47 AM

Does giving the finger count as communication?
well I'd say it is most def "body language" but hardly the type you would want to engage in.

It's just better to start new with someone you are already compatible with and assume another kind of "body language" n'est pas?

DACRAZEDCAMARO's photo
Sun 05/30/10 09:00 AM

I have a interesting situation with my ex wife it seems that she still loves me. She wrote me a letter about 2 months ago and so stating. Problem number two is that we had a child together. The communication lane has been great in that I can speak with my daughter on the phone and what not. Later the calls have become more and more frequent. I am afraid that she is tring to find a way to grab a hold of my heart. I do tend to be a sensitive kind of guy so it does bug me some what.

Tell of any stories or happenings that are similar to this....Also what are your thoughts and insight into this situation???


Keep the communication at a good level because once it gets bad you might go through some stuff i'm about to go through.. I tried to keep our communication going but since she claims she's seeing somebody else communication has been going downhill.. Yes she still loves me but i think she thinks that i messed around with somebody else (Now i wished i did but unfortunately i didn't).. In the last 2 weeks she has not called me at all & we have a son together.. What's a guy to do..

At least you are being some form of a daddy to your child.. That's all that matters to me.. If you can go see her from time to time that would be better in my opinion.. Phone calls are good but being there with them brings a awesome feeling that a mother or anybody else for that matter can't take away..

thayet153's photo
Mon 05/31/10 03:24 PM
Having an ex contact you, can be a difficult and confusing situation to be in. My experience with exes contacting me have been rather confusing. My advice would be to take things slowly if you want to give it a try again with your ex. If not, just be honest with her.

no photo
Mon 05/31/10 06:36 PM

Having an ex contact you, can be a difficult and confusing situation to be in. My experience with exes contacting me have been rather confusing. My advice would be to take things slowly if you want to give it a try again with your ex. If not, just be honest with her.
I agree. It is confusing if it seems they want to start things again. and it can mess things up with the guy ur with now. I have an ex who always does that to me. I have consider moving to Alaska but I swear he'd find me and call while my new BF was there....aghhhhh!!!!

heavenlyboy34's photo
Mon 05/31/10 06:56 PM
I'm on pretty good terms with one of my ex's, but her mom doesn't like me for whatever reason (I never did anything wrong to her), so we never get to talk. It's a shame, because we get along pretty well. tears

horzman's photo
Mon 05/31/10 07:01 PM

I'm on pretty good terms with one of my ex's, but her mom doesn't like me for whatever reason (I never did anything wrong to her), so we never get to talk. It's a shame, because we get along pretty well. tears


what a surprise her mother doesn't like you.... I think if it wasn't for the mother in law, half of the divorced couples in the world would've been still happily married.

no photo
Mon 05/31/10 07:01 PM

I'm on pretty good terms with one of my ex's, but her mom doesn't like me for whatever reason (I never did anything wrong to her), so we never get to talk. It's a shame, because we get along pretty well. tears
well her mom is perhaps misguided?waving

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