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Topic: what do men mean when theysay
Atlantis75's photo
Mon 05/31/10 04:37 PM

I was dating this really nice and sweet guy for like 2 months ...I got to know alot of his friends and he knows mine. Everything seemed to be going great until like a few weeks ago he started to kind of be a little awkward with me. He eventually told me that his ex-gf came to visit him, and he realized that he still liked her and he thought it would be unfair of him to hang out/date me while he is still confused. He still wants to be friends though. Is it just a stupid excuse? Should I still take the effort to be friends with him, or just ignore it and get over it?


I say leave before you get hurt. flowerforyou

bedlum1's photo
Mon 05/31/10 04:42 PM

I was dating this really nice and sweet guy for like 2 months ...I got to know alot of his friends and he knows mine. Everything seemed to be going great until like a few weeks ago he started to kind of be a little awkward with me. He eventually told me that his ex-gf came to visit him, and he realized that he still liked her and he thought it would be unfair of him to hang out/date me while he is still confused. He still wants to be friends though. Is it just a stupid excuse? Should I still take the effort to be friends with him, or just ignore it and get over it?
basicly he pretty much told you your second best....so the question for you to ask yourself is .......are you ok with second best or comfortable hanging with someone who can brush you aside so easily......??
personaly i'd tell them exactly how i felt and be done them

no photo
Mon 05/31/10 04:45 PM

I was dating this really nice and sweet guy for like 2 months ...I got to know alot of his friends and he knows mine. Everything seemed to be going great until like a few weeks ago he started to kind of be a little awkward with me. He eventually told me that his ex-gf came to visit him, and he realized that he still liked her and he thought it would be unfair of him to hang out/date me while he is still confused. He still wants to be friends though. Is it just a stupid excuse? Should I still take the effort to be friends with him, or just ignore it and get over it?
I would take what he says at face value, and thank him for being honest but move on. Make urself unavailable so he will have to choose. If you continue to see him he gets to "have his cake and eat it too," and that will set the tone for the rest of your relationship - if there is one. You need to teach him NOW that yes, honesty is good, but you deserve loyalty also, and to be #1 on the list of the guy u r dating. I think he is being foolish because stuff with the "ex" seldom works out - they broke up for a reason. And now he risks losing you. Only if he loses you "defacto" will he find out what it feels like and if he can tolerate losing you.

friends? sure, but don't hang out with him- the guys who u could date will think u r unavaialable

moonlight_ride62's photo
Mon 05/31/10 05:22 PM
NEXT.....

no photo
Mon 05/31/10 05:44 PM
:laughing: u wish

lmao

Goofball73's photo
Mon 05/31/10 07:25 PM
I am still confused as to the title of this topic. I mean, he basically did say that he was confused and that he still liked the ex. So it isn't like he said something like, "It's not you. It's me". And then three minutes later he is shagging his ex.

Anyways, you probably will leave the dude and when you do he will come back to you. Watch it happen.

no photo
Tue 06/01/10 08:58 PM

I am still confused as to the title of this topic. I mean, he basically did say that he was confused and that he still liked the ex. So it isn't like he said something like, "It's not you. It's me". And then three minutes later he is shagging his ex.

Anyways, you probably will leave the dude and when you do he will come back to you. Watch it happen.

what's there to be confused about? IMO - it's almost as though it would be better if he had just broken things off with the OP and shagged the ex...there is at least some backbone and a choice there. with this oh pity me I am so so confused BS, he is making her life miserable while wrecking his own - I think he does sound like a manipulator, and a friggin train wreck. I mean I was being nice in my first post - if a guy pulled that on me I'd tell him to find a permanent solution - like a long walk off a short pier. If he weren't ready for a realtionship he should have not got involved with me (and something like this actually did happen to me - dude lost BOTH of us - sick of the games)

for benefit of the doubt he might not realize he's being manipulative, but he is - I am betting he is young and dumb - not lived long enuff to realize that it's not all about him and his stupid confusion

74Drew's photo
Tue 06/01/10 09:23 PM
if someone you're attracted to says they want to just be friends, say ok and then avoid them. if you happen to run into them, so be it, but don't make arrangements to meet with them. don't talk to them on the phone. if they call wanting to get together to hang out, have other plans.

anytime one party is greatly less interested in the other and only wants to be friends it's a chance for the more interested party to get hurt.

tell him to figure things out and give you a call when he's made up his mind, but not before. if you're still single, it's up to you to decide whether you want to give him another shot or not. but would you really want to give him another try when he so easily dismissed you so he could to try to figure out his feelings?



. . .

no photo
Tue 06/01/10 09:25 PM

I was dating this really nice and sweet guy for like 2 months ...I got to know alot of his friends and he knows mine. Everything seemed to be going great until like a few weeks ago he started to kind of be a little awkward with me. He eventually told me that his ex-gf came to visit him, and he realized that he still liked her and he thought it would be unfair of him to hang out/date me while he is still confused. He still wants to be friends though. Is it just a stupid excuse? Should I still take the effort to be friends with him, or just ignore it and get over it?


You're being set up to be in the 'on deck' circle in case he strikes out with GF Nr 1 - again. Tell the loser goodbye and find someone who'll make YOU GF Nr 1 ... he obviously won't ...

freeonthree's photo
Tue 06/01/10 09:38 PM
Innocent until proven guilty I say.

no photo
Sat 06/05/10 03:48 AM
Edited by sweetestgirl11 on Sat 06/05/10 03:51 AM

if someone you're attracted to says they want to just be friends, say ok and then avoid them. if you happen to run into them, so be it, but don't make arrangements to meet with them. don't talk to them on the phone. if they call wanting to get together to hang out, have other plans.

anytime one party is greatly less interested in the other and only wants to be friends it's a chance for the more interested party to get hurt.

tell him to figure things out and give you a call when he's made up his mind, but not before. if you're still single, it's up to you to decide whether you want to give him another shot or not. but would you really want to give him another try when he so easily dismissed you so he could to try to figure out his feelings?



. . .
wisdom from Drew. I like this post Drew. Yup we have all been so in love B4 that there was no questions in our minds - we'd drop everything if he/she called - that is what u (OP) are entitled to expect -as are we all. If the object of ur affections is not ptting u first u then u have to accept not being their first priority or find someone who will put u first (relationship-wise, that is)...I always puy my lover first so I expect it in return

in this kind of situation - just guilty. perhaps guilty with no intent of malice - that I could agree to - but mos def guilty

no photo
Sat 06/05/10 03:59 AM
Run like the wind.

Ladylid2012's photo
Sat 06/05/10 04:15 AM


Your 18 and this is just trama....drama.....Relax, there are so many, many more boys out there for you. Get on with it....Welcome to the site and have fun here and join in the other forums.....Play and have fun....


That was my next thought. There are too many other people who are not latently harmful to her emotional health. Why waste one's time on this situation?


methinks these 2 posts are some good advise in this situation...it's all going to work itself out.

Young hearts be free tonight!

chelsea466's photo
Sun 06/06/10 06:24 PM
You know I was with my ex for 3 years and we have a baby together. He made the choice to go to the "new" girl. I'm only 21 and I wanted to be his friend. But it is very difficult. Hunn your only 18.. As I am only 21. Trust me you don't deserve to be 2nd best. Neither do I. He only left a month and a half ago. And I already am learning that I deserve better. So if he is confused and needs his space then so be it. But don't wait around. I tried to wait but it was just way to hard on me emotionally. That's why I am on here. Making new friends and trying to stay positive and forget him. It will be easier for you because you weren't dating him long. Trust me there are many more men out there who would gladly put you on the pedistole you deserve! flowerforyou

chelsea466's photo
Sun 06/06/10 06:26 PM
P.S
I give him credit for being honest to you. That's a good man. Mine wasn't such a good man. I think he lost his balls some time ago.. He put his tail between his legs and went running back to his parents house. So stay positive and remember you deserve to be #1

Christinacospgs's photo
Sun 06/06/10 06:40 PM
I say you're too young to have to deal with that sort of drama. However, if he means enough to you to have as a friend to keep, play it cool and see if he wants to be friends. If he keeps changing his mind on you, don't play those games and move on. (jmo)
:heart: not brokenheart

freeonthree's photo
Wed 06/09/10 11:52 AM
This doesn't mean he is a bad guy, unless he's lieing to you about the ex. He may be telling you the truth, so just let it go, and move on with your life. You'll find the right guy bigsmile

djpierre2's photo
Thu 06/10/10 08:51 AM
if he is confused...let him be confused by himself...dont let him drag u into the confusion

if this doesnt help...see fig2

Fig.2(reference guide: "he's jus not really that into you" motion picture

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