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| Topic: Scenario........ | |
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Shocker.........I grew up with a guy always thinking of him as a brother......tells me has been in love with me all this time and getting to hard to continue to be my friend because of it.....32 years of friendship....the ball is in my court.....wondering if I should let the dynamics of the relationship change.....either way it looks like I could lose the friendship......am sad at the possibility of losing the friendship.........but not sure if I can change the dynamics within myself or not........is it worth a shot? 1- If the dynamics of the relationship is changeable, and it doesn't work out possibly lose the friendship...... 2- If I do not try to change the dynamics of the relationship, I lose the friendship..... 32 years of friendship to lose here...... Geesh how confusing can life get???? This is where I always get confused. In my opinion, this is the guy your supposed to marry, your best friend, that you've know for 32 years. You already know everything about each other, it's perfect. |
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A couple should be 'best friends' to begin with.... Agree...  i totally agree!!! i mean 32 years!!! dont u even love him a bit at any moment as more than a friend? give it a shot...u dont try u lose the friendship but if u try n who knows  ...things might work out well...
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ok, to all of the people saying you're suppose to marry your best friend, i have to say i don't understand.
as a guy, every time a girl says "lets be friends" that pretty much means a completely hands off relationship. why would anyone want to be married to their friend? i don't want my wife to be my best friend. a best friend is someone you hang out with when you're not with your wife. they're the one you complain to about your wife. they're the one you talk to about things that you can't talk to your wife about. i think it's okay to have a relationship with your best friend, but you should start looking to refill their position once you've promoted them to lover. . . . |
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You have a foundation with him. In most relationships, the attraction ebbs and there needs to be a foundation.. Good friends get into arguements or differences of opinions. Lets say you 'try' it on for awhile and it doesn't work out. The question you could be asking is will our friendship take it? If yes then go ahead. Your friendship will eventually go back to the old ways if it doesn't work out. Been there, done that. We didn't skip a beat and still are very good friends.
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ok, to all of the people saying you're suppose to marry your best friend, i have to say i don't understand. as a guy, every time a girl says "lets be friends" that pretty much means a completely hands off relationship. why would anyone want to be married to their friend? i don't want my wife to be my best friend. a best friend is someone you hang out with when you're not with your wife. they're the one you complain to about your wife. they're the one you talk to about things that you can't talk to your wife about. i think it's okay to have a relationship with your best friend, but you should start looking to refill their position once you've promoted them to lover. . . . I feel so sorry for you... |
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Everyone has given me much to ponder.....Drew74.....so very sorry but wow how wounded a picses you are and hold alot of pain......someone once told me some things in life just happen they are not your fault. Stop internalizing you mishaps through life forgive yourself and forgiveness for others shall follow....have peace from within brother.....
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Edited by
msmyka
on
Wed 06/23/10 05:06 PM
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I don't know why everyone feels sorry for Drew, he only stated his point of view on the subject. Isn't that what the OP was asking for? For him a best friend and a lover are not on in the same. Just because others feel differently doesn't make him a tortured soul.
Edit: Think about it like this, in the event of a divorce you lose your lover and best friend all in one foul swoop. Sounds awful to me too. |
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He just always seems so sad or negative in things. I feel its is good to have more than one best friend both female and male mixture.....and all have different perspectives on many things but a good group of friends nonetheless....
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I don't know why everyone feels sorry for Drew, he only stated his point of view on the subject. Isn't that what the OP was asking for? For him a best friend and a lover are not on in the same. Just because others feel differently doesn't make him a tortured soul. Edit: Think about it like this, in the event of a divorce you lose your lover and best friend all in one foul swoop. Sounds awful to me too. thank you. He just always seems so sad or negative in things. I feel its is good to have more than one best friend both female and male mixture.....and all have different perspectives on many things but a good group of friends nonetheless.... i've been working on not being so negative. but, i do tell it as I see it. it is only my opinion and it's for others to decide whether they agree or not. i only voice it, not force it. as far as friends go, i don't feel the need to have many. i actually only have one. i have people that i associate with, and some that i rarely hang out with, but an actual person that i call a friend and can talk to about pretty much anything, i have 1. and that's all i need as far as friends go. for a lover, is it important that we have things we can communicate about? absolutely. does she need to know every time i'm feeling insecure or inadequate about something? no. i feel the need to keep some aspects separated. i want to be able to hang out with my best friend, when i need a night away from my S.O. if my best friend is my S.O. then i have to find someone who i'm not as close to to hang out with and that would be less fun. and yes, it's healthy to have a night away from your S.O. on occasion. . . . |
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Drew74.....so very sorry but wow how wounded a picses you are and hold alot of pain...... i can't completely deny that, but we all have our demons. . . . |
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Tough call
My very best friend in the world (18 years now)...We met and dated but it was quickly apparent that we were better friends than lovers. Yes, the love of your life should also be your friend....but that don't mean that every friend is potential lover. If that kiss didn't set your skin on fire and melt your panties...then just consider the possibility that the guy is a friend and that is it. Personally, I can tell the difference immedieately between friends and lovers....I can fart around a friend...wont do it around a lover. A kiss from a friend is nice. A kiss from a lover has electricity in it. When I am alone I can still smell my lover on my clothes....I can still smell her hair...I can still taste her kiss....it just ain't that way with a friend. |
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Yes, the love of your life should also be your friend....but that don't mean that every friend is potential lover. If that kiss didn't set your skin on fire and melt your panties...then just consider the possibility that the guy is a friend and that is it. That's what I'm talkin about! |
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I hate to be the one to break it to you, but he's informed you that he has more than just friendship in mind. I can tell you from personal experience, your friendship is already over. It won't make it through that hurdle because you'll never look at him the same way again, and he won't be able to hide his feelings any longer.
The question you have to ask yourself is "Do I want to explore this?" I can't tell you the answer to that, but I'd say go for it. I mean if you've liked this guy enough for 30 years to keep him as a friend, you might as well see what a relationship is like. I know it's a drastic change in your mindset, but he could be the rare gem under your nose. Odds are he'll treat you like the princess all women deserve to be treated like. Consider, he's waited this long just to really take one last stab at asking you out. He's probably even helped you through a few rough spots and seen you at your worst. All of that and he's still in. Do you really need to ask? Or are you just asking us so you can sound it out in your own head? I say you've got a wonderful opportunity, and I hope that whatever the decision, it works out for the good, and that I'm wrong and both of you remain friends. |
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Myka understands! When I am gonna throw myelf out there....I mean for real, give my self and soul to a lover...it's gotta be magic. I won't settle for a 5 on a scale of 1-10. It has to keep me up at night wanting just one more.
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I hate to be the one to break it to you, but he's informed you that he has more than just friendship in mind. I can tell you from personal experience, your friendship is already over. It won't make it through that hurdle because you'll never look at him the same way again, and he won't be able to hide his feelings any longer. The question you have to ask yourself is "Do I want to explore this?" I can't tell you the answer to that, but I'd say go for it. I mean if you've liked this guy enough for 30 years to keep him as a friend, you might as well see what a relationship is like. I know it's a drastic change in your mindset, but he could be the rare gem under your nose. Odds are he'll treat you like the princess all women deserve to be treated like. Consider, he's waited this long just to really take one last stab at asking you out. He's probably even helped you through a few rough spots and seen you at your worst. All of that and he's still in. Do you really need to ask? Or are you just asking us so you can sound it out in your own head? I say you've got a wonderful opportunity, and I hope that whatever the decision, it works out for the good, and that I'm wrong and both of you remain friends. Why is it that people think their own personal experience infers that a situation is "the way it is"? .... a bit presumptuous don't you think? Her situation could be and end up completely differently than yours... you may want to save your "I hate to break it to you's" for another topic. |
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Myka understands! When I am gonna throw myelf out there....I mean for real, give my self and soul to a lover...it's gotta be magic. I won't settle for a 5 on a scale of 1-10. It has to keep me up at night wanting just one more. I do understand and I haven't had a kiss to melt my panties in a LONG time 
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I hate to be the one to break it to you, but he's informed you that he has more than just friendship in mind. I can tell you from personal experience, your friendship is already over. It won't make it through that hurdle because you'll never look at him the same way again, and he won't be able to hide his feelings any longer. The question you have to ask yourself is "Do I want to explore this?" I can't tell you the answer to that, but I'd say go for it. I mean if you've liked this guy enough for 30 years to keep him as a friend, you might as well see what a relationship is like. I know it's a drastic change in your mindset, but he could be the rare gem under your nose. Odds are he'll treat you like the princess all women deserve to be treated like. Consider, he's waited this long just to really take one last stab at asking you out. He's probably even helped you through a few rough spots and seen you at your worst. All of that and he's still in. Do you really need to ask? Or are you just asking us so you can sound it out in your own head? I say you've got a wonderful opportunity, and I hope that whatever the decision, it works out for the good, and that I'm wrong and both of you remain friends. Why is it that people think their own personal experience infers that a situation is "the way it is"? .... a bit presumptuous don't you think? Her situation could be and end up completely differently than yours... you may want to save your "I hate to break it to you's" for another topic. I'm pretty sure the word "experience" was in there. Of course the opposite can also be said "why do people think that others experiences don't apply to them?" I also ended in "I hope I'm wrong," but that completely missed your attention. I'm also sure your insights into the male mind far exceed mine, so please endulge us in your wisdom. I'll extend it one further, why ask other peoples opinions at all then? If their opinions have no value, then why bring up the topic? I'll leave it to the OP to determine whether what happened to me, really applies to her situation. I not having complete knowledge of her and her friends situations can only speculate based on my own "experience." But of course, you know my situations better than me, so you explain them to everyone here. |
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Myka understands! When I am gonna throw myelf out there....I mean for real, give my self and soul to a lover...it's gotta be magic. I won't settle for a 5 on a scale of 1-10. It has to keep me up at night wanting just one more. I do understand and I haven't had a kiss to melt my panties in a LONG time Maybe one day you can try to melt my panties then....hehehehehe |
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Edited by
msmyka
on
Wed 06/23/10 09:37 PM
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I hate to be the one to break it to you, but he's informed you that he has more than just friendship in mind. I can tell you from personal experience, your friendship is already over. It won't make it through that hurdle because you'll never look at him the same way again, and he won't be able to hide his feelings any longer. The question you have to ask yourself is "Do I want to explore this?" I can't tell you the answer to that, but I'd say go for it. I mean if you've liked this guy enough for 30 years to keep him as a friend, you might as well see what a relationship is like. I know it's a drastic change in your mindset, but he could be the rare gem under your nose. Odds are he'll treat you like the princess all women deserve to be treated like. Consider, he's waited this long just to really take one last stab at asking you out. He's probably even helped you through a few rough spots and seen you at your worst. All of that and he's still in. Do you really need to ask? Or are you just asking us so you can sound it out in your own head? I say you've got a wonderful opportunity, and I hope that whatever the decision, it works out for the good, and that I'm wrong and both of you remain friends. Why is it that people think their own personal experience infers that a situation is "the way it is"? .... a bit presumptuous don't you think? Her situation could be and end up completely differently than yours... you may want to save your "I hate to break it to you's" for another topic. I'm pretty sure the word "experience" was in there. Of course the opposite can also be said "why do people think that others experiences don't apply to them?" I also ended in "I hope I'm wrong," but that completely missed your attention. I'm also sure your insights into the male mind far exceed mine, so please endulge us in your wisdom. I'll extend it one further, why ask other peoples opinions at all then? If their opinions have no value, then why bring up the topic? I'll leave it to the OP to determine whether what happened to me, really applies to her situation. I not having complete knowledge of her and her friends situations can only speculate based on my own "experience." But of course, you know my situations better than me, so you explain them to everyone here. Your first sentence was clearly not an opinion, I just thought it was rude the way you stated it as if what you had to say was THE answer she needed to hear. |
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Edited by
74Drew
on
Wed 06/23/10 09:47 PM
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I hate to be the one to break it to you, but he's informed you that he has more than just friendship in mind. I can tell you from personal experience, your friendship is already over. It won't make it through that hurdle because you'll never look at him the same way again, and he won't be able to hide his feelings any longer. while it's possible that this could have been worded better, i believe that what he has said is solid. while the friendship may not be over, the "just friends" part likely is. i think when a guy puts himself out there as the OP's friend has, he's bearing a part of his soul and it's an all or nothing deal. it can be painful to watch someone you love be with someone else and it can be less painful to be without them. . . . |
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