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| Topic: Confused. | |
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I just got out of a very long relationship...about eh... 2 months ago..and when I mean long..I mean 7 yrs (we were engaged). Anywho im pregnant...and literally about to pop...my ex was very verbally and phys. abusive. I just wanted some one to talk to and have been speaking to this man for about a month or so.. he is great super sweet has said some things along the line of being together forever. But he has been single for aloooonnnggg time. So he is pretty self involved. Is it possible to find a common ground? Im so new to the "dating" scene and certainly do not care for it that much but I like him..and I sadly wear my heart on my sleeve. He does his own thing but I am soo not use to being the at home and alone type..plus my emotions are nutz!I don't want to push the guy away but I feel like my feelings are valid..bottom line he likes me and he said he is not going anywhere and basically told me to play it cool..but im feeling fake...I want to talk to him but I don't cause im playing it "cool". What should I do. I hate that this is even a concern to me. He thinks im over thinking things..which rightfully so...im about to have my first child,and Im talkin to you...what the heck? Help.Help. Help...I need GOOD advice!
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Talk to him.
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ok usually i can give some pretty good advice here....
but...... go back to your post.... read very carefully...... read at least a dozen times..... you have answered your own question! 
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If you just had a bad relationship, then you need time to heal. If this man you've met is the real deal, he can help you heal AND show you he's in for the long haul. I say, give him a chance....don't build a wall.
FnL is right: talk to him. He might unintentionally be exaggerating the "forever" part because he may be a romantic at heart. But, that doesn't mean you should push him away. The two of you may be healthy for each other, even if it doesn't last. There's only one way to find out: stop giving him mixed signals, let him in, and see where it goes. You might just find there's more substance to him than you presently know. If not....if it's all just talk....then you'll have no regrets when you decide to move on. Can you say that about where you are now? |
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Take it slow. You have a new life coming that needs you. You have been through a lot, so just relax and enjoy things. You need to get yourself together first.
Good luck BTW....don't "play" it anything. Just be yourself. People will like you or not for yourself |
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boo. I don't want to be clingy..which just by me thinking these things...I feel clingy...which is soo not the norm for me..so then I chalk it up to being pregnant..and since I have never gone through this...I feel like that must be what the deal is...Im almost to the damn point where I say forget it all..focus on my unborn child..and get a new vibrator. I guess that is what single mom's do?
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boo. I don't want to be clingy..which just by me thinking these things...I feel clingy...which is soo not the norm for me..so then I chalk it up to being pregnant..and since I have never gone through this...I feel like that must be what the deal is...Im almost to the damn point where I say forget it all..focus on my unborn child..and get a new vibrator. I guess that is what single mom's do? Id say take your own advice...you are on the right road.  |
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If you just had a bad relationship, then you need time to heal. If this man you've met is the real deal, he can help you heal AND show you he's in for the long haul. I say, give him a chance....don't build a wall. FnL is right: talk to him. He might unintentionally be exaggerating the "forever" part because he may be a romantic at heart. But, that doesn't mean you should push him away. The two of you may be healthy for each other, even if it doesn't last. There's only one way to find out: stop giving him mixed signals, let him in, and see where it goes. You might just find there's more substance to him than you presently know. If not....if it's all just talk....then you'll have no regrets when you decide to move on. Can you say that about where you are now? I read this over a few times..im just so scared of getting hurt. I put my feelings aside for too long..and I feel im important enough to say what I feel and when I feel it. It took alot of thinking to get to that point alone lol! But ya..I get it..but can't you overtalk a guy? I mean I get sick of talking my damn self..how hard should tryin something new out be? |
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well in my humble opinion...
thats EXACTLY what ya do!!!!! The baby should be your one and only concern right now...men really shouldnt be in your plans for awhile...that baby will take up 24/7 with its needs..and those needs come first...even before yours!! then down the line...look for a man...its not mandatory.... plus...really....men are not gonna be all that attracted to a newborn........most are not...thats just fact so concentrate soley now on being a mom...thats your main job now for a while... |
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well in my humble opinion... thats EXACTLY what ya do!!!!! The baby should be your one and only concern right now...men really shouldnt be in your plans for awhile...that baby will take up 24/7 with its needs..and those needs come first...even before yours!! then down the line...look for a man...its not mandatory.... plus...really....men are not gonna be all that attracted to a newborn........most are not...thats just fact so concentrate soley now on being a mom...thats your main job now for a while... My heart is sooo on that path..but im lonely and since I have been single the nights could not be any more difficult!I had a life and now its like mine is on hold..atleast until my little one is born...no one ever tells you how difficult this process is...specially being alone and doing it! Friends have their own lives,families and what not...and I feel like mine is just about to take off..eh. I still feel stuck but atleast I know my own thoughts are not crazy and I do know the correct answer it's just a matter of me being strong. Thanks :) |
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well in my humble opinion... thats EXACTLY what ya do!!!!! The baby should be your one and only concern right now...men really shouldnt be in your plans for awhile...that baby will take up 24/7 with its needs..and those needs come first...even before yours!! then down the line...look for a man...its not mandatory.... plus...really....men are not gonna be all that attracted to a newborn........most are not...thats just fact so concentrate soley now on being a mom...thats your main job now for a while... I agree this is great advice...focus on what is important right now, give yourself time to sit with the emotions of your previous relationship before you commit to another. 
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i think you need to try and enjoy being single right now you do have a child coming and that is going to take a lot of your time your going to be taking care of that child all hours of the time and not have much time for guys and dating, if you want him in your life dating or what not you need to take it slow and easy and just take it one step at a time
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I'd say if it's meant for you and this man to be together great if not then that's just the way life is ya know. And you really do have alot more to look forward to having and raisin your baby and being the best mom on the planet ! Good Luck
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I'd say if it's meant for you and this man to be together great if not then that's just the way life is ya know. And you really do have alot more to look forward to having and raisin your baby and being the best mom on the planet ! Good Luck Thanks to all the kind words...ya know no one tells you life is easy. Or raising a new one at that lol :D |
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Don't put pressure on yourself. You are about to have a kid. That is numero uno for you. Don't worry about this guy. You take care of yourself and your new child. If he really, really likes you, then he will understand you have a TON of stuff going on. And if he doesn't, quickly tell him to get to steppin!
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Ok, so here's my $.02.
First focus on your baby. Also work on making sure you are over the abusive jerk (that can take time believe it or not- it will leave a lasting impression- been there). If this new guy is soo great, then just talk right now. If thinks you may be the one then he won't go anywhere. BUT your main focus needs to be yourself, and your baby. Gt ready for a rocky road mom. Newborns can really be rough, It bad enough with a partner, by yourself- WHEW. So just slow down. You do not to complicate life with a new relationship, new baby, and getting over an abusive relationship. So just step back and enjoy being pregnant, and look forward to meeting that new person, who will be your life. As they say there are ALOT of fish in the sea my dear. Good luck and Welcome to the group. 
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Ok, so here's my $.02. First focus on your baby. Also work on making sure you are over the abusive jerk (that can take time believe it or not- it will leave a lasting impression- been there). If this new guy is soo great, then just talk right now. If thinks you may be the one then he won't go anywhere. BUT your main focus needs to be yourself, and your baby. Gt ready for a rocky road mom. Newborns can really be rough, It bad enough with a partner, by yourself- WHEW. So just slow down. You do not to complicate life with a new relationship, new baby, and getting over an abusive relationship. So just step back and enjoy being pregnant, and look forward to meeting that new person, who will be your life. As they say there are ALOT of fish in the sea my dear. Good luck and Welcome to the group. Thank ya thank ya...im feeling much better already...yall should be a support group lol! <3 |
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Ok, so here's my $.02. First focus on your baby. Also work on making sure you are over the abusive jerk (that can take time believe it or not- it will leave a lasting impression- been there). If this new guy is soo great, then just talk right now. If thinks you may be the one then he won't go anywhere. BUT your main focus needs to be yourself, and your baby. Gt ready for a rocky road mom. Newborns can really be rough, It bad enough with a partner, by yourself- WHEW. So just slow down. You do not to complicate life with a new relationship, new baby, and getting over an abusive relationship. So just step back and enjoy being pregnant, and look forward to meeting that new person, who will be your life. As they say there are ALOT of fish in the sea my dear. Good luck and Welcome to the group. Thank ya thank ya...im feeling much better already...yall should be a support group lol! <3 Your welcome Darlin, I got a five year old, all by myself now. This child will be your life, and the greatest love you've ever felt. If you need a friend, feel free to message me. I'll try and help with any advice I can give. Been there/ Done that on the abusinve relationship (i was 18 then) So I understand the recovery from it. |
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I just got out of a very long relationship...about eh... 2 months ago..and when I mean long..I mean 7 yrs (we were engaged). Anywho im pregnant...and literally about to pop...my ex was very verbally and phys. abusive. I just wanted some one to talk to and have been speaking to this man for about a month or so.. he is great super sweet has said some things along the line of being together forever. But he has been single for aloooonnnggg time. So he is pretty self involved. Is it possible to find a common ground? Im so new to the "dating" scene and certainly do not care for it that much but I like him..and I sadly wear my heart on my sleeve. He does his own thing but I am soo not use to being the at home and alone type..plus my emotions are nutz!I don't want to push the guy away but I feel like my feelings are valid..bottom line he likes me and he said he is not going anywhere and basically told me to play it cool..but im feeling fake...I want to talk to him but I don't cause im playing it "cool". What should I do. I hate that this is even a concern to me. He thinks im over thinking things..which rightfully so...im about to have my first child,and Im talkin to you...what the heck? Help.Help. Help...I need GOOD advice! sounds like you have found a good friend which is what it needs to be right now, and what you need now. Is he willing to be ur labor coach??? srsly also - what Fear said - talk to him |
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boo. I don't want to be clingy..which just by me thinking these things...I feel clingy...which is soo not the norm for me..so then I chalk it up to being pregnant..and since I have never gone through this...I feel like that must be what the deal is...Im almost to the damn point where I say forget it all..focus on my unborn child..and get a new vibrator. I guess that is what single mom's do? Oh, and it is natural for you to feel clingy right now as a pregnant woman - those are normal feelings...just be mindful of your words & actions. And yanno I get sick & tired for "clingy" getting a bad rap. What is normal is the desire and ability to bond. The INability to bond is what is psycho ur fine hunnie |
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