A friend of mine has this boyfriend and he is busy with work. When he is not working he is sleeping. Or when he is off with his brother...She tells me that he never really has time for her.

So I ask again...When is it time to walk away?

When you feel it's time.

It's up to her.

There has to be more to the story.. In these economic times so many are fortunate to still be working... Is he working to provide for her? Is he working a lot and very tired? How much is he off with his brother in reality? Perhaps she should learn to be more understanding? There are far more variables than him just working and sleeping I'm sure.. I would never decide a relationship based on just those three facts..

Ok Princess..here is the story....

He is building a company with a buddy to provide for all of this company a financial freedom. He starts work about 6 sometimes 7 p.m. and he is on all night long, sometimes until 7-8 a.m. Then he is sleeping from 8:30 am until about 3,4 in the afternoon. She knows that it is for her benefit as well as for the family. Then He has MAYBE one hour that he can spend with her, then he is back on the computer with the company. This happens 6 days a week. Then on Saturday, he works then goes out with his brother and he isn't home until 4, 5 or 6 am.

In my opinion he is busting his butt to build something that she will benefit from... His going out with his brother may be his release from all the stress.. Granted he should spend some time with her... This doesn't sound like he'll be doing it forever, it's until he gets the business off the ground.. It may not be optimal for some months but later I'm sure things will work out..

Spending time together is important, I'm not saying it's not but I do know what it's like to run a business and it takes a lot, especially when thing are first starting... Has she talked to him about setting aside a day a week for her and the kids (I'm assuming kids from the family comment)?

Family time was asked, and agreed upon but Someone else always has his attention.

She should remind him of the agreement... How long has this been going on? I may have missed it but didn't see that you said...

The company has been started 3 years ago and their first online game is very close to launch. This will be the big money maker.

So this has been going on for 3 years, and she is getting little to no attention (unless she get's angry about it).

If she walked away would it have been worth putting her very last.






HE says that he doesn't want to go to his brother's house..but they keep bugging him until he gives in.

hiya Fine!...


Hmmm...Three long years of supporting her partner silenty...and maintaining the family, whilst he builds their empire.

I hear you...she's on 'stand-by'...and is happy to be...however she can sense/feel that the whole dynamics of the family focus has shifted...and that is causing her to feel neglected/taken for granted/forgotten.

a solution less final that leaving...perhaps...it's time she moved into finding her own independence, developed her own interests, and took more time to develop her own friendships.

...whilst still remaining committed to her partner, their business, and their family.

It's what grown ups do...hubby is all consumed/obsessed with the business...she creates her own obsessions.


Night shift sucks for all concerned irrespective of who it is...but if she is still committed to her partner and what he is doing, then she needs to be fulfilled through other areas outside the family home...other interests.

I am NOT advocating affairs/lovers or any such thing, merely suggesting she has options.

Hiya Jess...

She knows that if she leaves..she will be lost without him. She knows if she leaves she will remain alone for the rest of her life, since the one man she will ever love puts her very low on his list of priorities. She doesn't want to seem selfish, nor does she want to be put on stand by...

i had a relationship like that
the guy i was with i met him on a differnt site
i was with him for about 7months
this was last yr knew him for about 2yrs before we started dating, if you really call it that
he was a workaholic and hide his feeling and his relationship in his work.. though that was more important than having me in his life. as where he would give me nothing but a run around. i had enough and i broke up with him... i still talk to him every now and then and he keeps saying he will be over but i dont listen or expect to see him go through what he says i have moved forward with out him...
i didnt feel i had a relationship for i never saw him and i felt that his communication was crap especially when he mainly contacted me through text messages which i would had rather see him in person and here his voice

From a guy's POV...

Considering the effort some of these high end video games takes to produce and launch can become an all consuming effort. Considering this took three years to get this far he is completely focused on his project and oddly if the pressure of family is introduced he may not handle it well. It is like a hunter having chased a very elusive game animal for years and to finally have a chance finally at taking his shot at it he will not allow anything to come between him and that shot. A hunter lives to be a hunter before they are a family man. In this case he is about to make "the big kill" and that is all he sees right now. it is a more drastic case of "Compartmentalizing" and I don't think he is trivializing their relationship. He is Robert Oppenheimer and he is watching as his Rocket is about to get launched for the moon. Even he put his family way behind that project until it was over.

Men have strange priorities from a woman's point of view. One of them is when you have a "builder, creator" personality. He is creating and that act is his focus. Once done he will come back to reality. Until then he wants perfection and in the computer world nothing works right the first time! Finding the bugs is all the fun!

Andy..You said that once done he will come back to reality...What I don't understand is... Isnt going out with the brother part of reality? And what if the family got tired of coming in last, and couldn't hang on? Then would it be worth it?

its full of stress when your in a relationship and your coming in last
you should be considered first
but i wasent considered that at all
he suposely has seen it now but thats to late.
he wont change

paying the bills is hardly a crime, especially if it's building towards something that could potentially pay off in the long run.


We only really have one side of the story. There has to be a reason he's spending so much time at work,I doubt he'd rather be there than at home.
The time with the brother needs to stop, or at least slow down given the agrement. I'll say that much.

As for the title question. I think the best way to know it's time to leave is when you picture your life without this person, and feel nothing.

i said this to the guy i was with
where he wasent cheating in reality but cheating in his work
where he felt that was more important

which is what your friends bf is doing
which his only desire is to spend the quality time with his brother and work. so she left out in the cold


she needs to walk away

you know its time when he cant make you cry anymore

Hav'ent they just tried to spend at least 10 minutes out of thier lives to really talk, and works this out?
Prehaphs face to face, without the drama and mindgames and fiverlous details?

10 min is nothing
thats what i wanted to do with that guy friend
and he gave nothing but excuses so it was waste of my time and energy

so i would think she feeling the same way

i hate to burst bubbles out there but he wont have anything tocome back to. i have just resently mutually separated from my husband of 23 years and we still love and respect each other but we are not IN LOVE anymore. so much time at work is nessesary these days to keep a family going and I totally understand both sides of this story but niether one of these people can feel it slipping away yet. You just wake up one morning and its gone.