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| Topic: Do you..... | |
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love conquers alot, but i have found while opposites may attract, similarities endure. i know you spoke of 'differences', not opposites, but you do have to determine if you're settling. which is never a good thing. unless, like krupa said, the sex makes all things possible. Well if love conquers alot, shouldn't it remain dispite differences and/or sex. it can always remain, doesn't necessarily mean you can or will be together. in fact, if differences are too much for one, the other, or both, resentment will eventually trickle in, it is then you find yourself having to decide if you stay (unhealthy) or remove yourself (healthy), either way, love can remain. and on the sex thing, i was just joshin, or jonesin, either way, i would never stay just for that. i don't think. ha! you are gonna LOL @ the message I just sent you :) we're aquarians.... we got it like that!! enjoy the sabbatical, it will be worth it!! 
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As long as our differences do not conflict with my morals and values, it doesn't matter to me. I would take our differences as more of an adveture to try new things perhaps. But, if a relationship doesn't work, I'm not going to try to force it to work. sleepless...IMO you can have love, but it takes more than that to make a relationship work. I still feel love for the ex hubby and entertained the idea of a second chance, but over communicating the last few months I have realized that he will never be what I need due to differences in morals/values. Also, the trust issues, but my point is if when working out differences you feel like you must compromise who you are, then it isn't worth it not matter how strong the love or how good the sex is!  I've been exactly there w/ my ex BF and understand completely I can change a couple of habits but don't ask to change the essential "me" but honestly I can't imagine the love or the sex being all that strong with someone who doesn't like me the way I am????????? not sure I quite understand that scenario |
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Glad to see we have some discussion going on with this topic. Thanks for all the input fellow minglers.
I don't mind differences. In fact, I welcome them. But what I have noticed from other relationships I have seen begin and then end, the main reason my friends gave as to why the relationship failed was due to "we were just too different". Lex got what I was saying about how people will compromise to someone simply because they want the relationship and they feel that what they compromised on won't be an issue. And nine times out of ten, it comes back to being a HUGE issue. Yes, great sex can cover up the difference issue. But it doesn't cover it for long. |
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what kind of rack are we talking here? hey now that's deep |
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love conquers alot, but i have found while opposites may attract, similarities endure. i know you spoke of 'differences', not opposites, but you do have to determine if you're settling. which is never a good thing. unless, like krupa said, the sex makes all things possible. Well if love conquers alot, shouldn't it remain dispite differences and/or sex. it can always remain, doesn't necessarily mean you can or will be together. in fact, if differences are too much for one, the other, or both, resentment will eventually trickle in, it is then you find yourself having to decide if you stay (unhealthy) or remove yourself (healthy), either way, love can remain. and on the sex thing, i was just joshin, or jonesin, either way, i would never stay just for that. i don't think. ha! Oh bastet IDK - what if it was our cute poster boy from last fall? (j.k) -  but if the good sex is going to stay good, other things have to be good as well that' s why I really do pretty much agree with krupa. think about how many relationships go bad in the beaudoir because the 2 of them are at each other about little **** all day - who wants to settle in for lovin in the oven after that? aina happenin ya ya the occasional make up sex I know i know but I'm not talking about that - I mean when compatability issues have gone unresolved and all u do is argue that will kill even the best sex life - so a couple's sexual health is really a pretty good indicator |
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what kind of rack are we talking here? hey now that's deep keepin it real man style |
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Oh bastet IDK - what if it was our cute poster boy from last fall? (j.k) -  i did say 'i don't think' at the end of that. we must always leave ourselves an exception. riiiiiight?!? 
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Oh bastet IDK - what if it was our cute poster boy from last fall? (j.k) - i did say 'i don't think' at the end of that. we must always leave ourselves an exception. riiiiiight?!?  u mean like this? I know he don;t shake now - but he made me shimmy for most of the 80s 
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As long as our differences do not conflict with my morals and values, it doesn't matter to me. I would take our differences as more of an adveture to try new things perhaps. But, if a relationship doesn't work, I'm not going to try to force it to work. sleepless...IMO you can have love, but it takes more than that to make a relationship work. I still feel love for the ex hubby and entertained the idea of a second chance, but over communicating the last few months I have realized that he will never be what I need due to differences in morals/values. Also, the trust issues, but my point is if when working out differences you feel like you must compromise who you are, then it isn't worth it not matter how strong the love or how good the sex is! I've been exactly there w/ my ex BF and understand completely I can change a couple of habits but don't ask to change the essential "me" but honestly I can't imagine the love or the sex being all that strong with someone who doesn't like me the way I am????????? not sure I quite understand that scenario hmmm...here's an attempt to explain without having to send a pm! Let's just say that the truth finally came out about "the night the lights when out in...Texas"! My perception of his moral values has changed greatly due to that & I love myself enough to walk away. The last decade of my life has been hard enough due to the events that transpired that night and to discover that a great deal what I have had to struggle with emotionally was actually a horrible lie is more than I can handle & work through. He "loves" (for lack of a better word) me for who I am, but he is not who I thought he was! |
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As long as our differences do not conflict with my morals and values, it doesn't matter to me. I would take our differences as more of an adveture to try new things perhaps. But, if a relationship doesn't work, I'm not going to try to force it to work. sleepless...IMO you can have love, but it takes more than that to make a relationship work. I still feel love for the ex hubby and entertained the idea of a second chance, but over communicating the last few months I have realized that he will never be what I need due to differences in morals/values. Also, the trust issues, but my point is if when working out differences you feel like you must compromise who you are, then it isn't worth it not matter how strong the love or how good the sex is! I've been exactly there w/ my ex BF and understand completely I can change a couple of habits but don't ask to change the essential "me" but honestly I can't imagine the love or the sex being all that strong with someone who doesn't like me the way I am????????? not sure I quite understand that scenario hmmm...here's an attempt to explain without having to send a pm! Let's just say that the truth finally came out about "the night the lights when out in...Texas"! My perception of his moral values has changed greatly due to that & I love myself enough to walk away. The last decade of my life has been hard enough due to the events that transpired that night and to discover that a great deal what I have had to struggle with emotionally was actually a horrible lie is more than I can handle & work through. He "loves" (for lack of a better word) me for who I am, but he is not who I thought he was! Oh, so sorry to hear that. I remember from other posts that this was an upheaval for you. It sounds like u deserve a good guy this time !!!!
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thanks
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Something like a difference in food types is negligible, as long as she doesn't try to get me to eat broccoli or something. If it's along those lines -- we like different TV shows, etc. -- it's just not all that important. When it gets to differences in lifestyle or agenda, then it can become problematic. Hopefully, this would all be addressed before the relationship progressed to the point where it could ever even become an issue, but I have found that people tend to hide their real intentions if they feel they have an opportunity to change someone. That, and some people just say what the other wants to hear, so that they can get with that person. They will hope for the best, even trick themselves into believing that the difference they gave in to won't become a problem. But it normally does. Goof, that has been my (endlessly repeated) experience, for sure -- they tell me what I want to hear, I want to believe them, a relationship begins, and, three months down the road, the "Now-it's-time-to-change-him" agenda kicks in, and the relationship ends. Frankly, it's made me a little cynical about women. In the same way that the sun is a little hot. Lex, I know where you are coming from but guys are the same |
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You can put up with an awful lot of s*** if the sex is good enough. OH YEAH AMEN krupa!!! |
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"Be a boring world if we were the same",you can't change a person to have the same likes/dislikes, personality and beliefs as you. Compromise and what we can tolerate in a relationship is the key, if it's a deal breaker than it's best to just move on.Why make yourself and the other person miserable in "trying" to change them?
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Have to agree with Lex here. There seems to be a lot of outright lying to get a relationship started, but it ends when the person is finally honest with themselves and each other.
Politics, religions, abortion rights, the animals are some of the biggies, ditto with smoking, kids, and some of the other stuff in my profile. Politics and the issue of abortion rights matter, after all, why would anyone want to essentially negate their own views and cancel each other out in voting. Smaller stuff like the TV and sports can be less of an issue, unless that's ALL the person wants to do, to the point of ignoring their partner when they get home. |
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Ok. So, you meet someone and you feel you like this person. Now, when you get to know them, you learn that you have several "differences". Things that you don't agree with, or food types you like, or anything. There are just many differences between the two of you. So, the question that I pose here is this. How many of these so called "differences" could you tolerate? Or how many would be too many for you to consider a relationship? Or do differences not mean a thing to you, as you feel that if you both like each other (or love one another) enough that you can manage them? I ask this cause my friend and I were discussing this today. She tried to make a relationship work where there were many differences between her and him, but she felt she could manage them. He did too. It didn't work. So, what say you Mingle2 members? 42. I think. |
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This is why i want a guy i have things in common with. Lol
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Something like a difference in food types is negligible, as long as she doesn't try to get me to eat broccoli or something. If it's along those lines -- we like different TV shows, etc. -- it's just not all that important. When it gets to differences in lifestyle or agenda, then it can become problematic. Hopefully, this would all be addressed before the relationship progressed to the point where it could ever even become an issue, but I have found that people tend to hide their real intentions if they feel they have an opportunity to change someone. That, and some people just say what the other wants to hear, so that they can get with that person. They will hope for the best, even trick themselves into believing that the difference they gave in to won't become a problem. But it normally does. Goof, that has been my (endlessly repeated) experience, for sure -- they tell me what I want to hear, I want to believe them, a relationship begins, and, three months down the road, the "Now-it's-time-to-change-him" agenda kicks in, and the relationship ends. Frankly, it's made me a little cynical about women. In the same way that the sun is a little hot. Lex, I know where you are coming from but guys are the same I'm sure some are. I'm not. If I felt someone needed a complete overhaul, it would be pointless for me to even get involved with them in the first place. Too many other projects as it is. |
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Ok. So, you meet someone and you feel you like this person. Now, when you get to know them, you learn that you have several "differences". Things that you don't agree with, or food types you like, or anything. There are just many differences between the two of you. So, the question that I pose here is this. How many of these so called "differences" could you tolerate? Or how many would be too many for you to consider a relationship? Or do differences not mean a thing to you, as you feel that if you both like each other (or love one another) enough that you can manage them? I ask this cause my friend and I were discussing this today. She tried to make a relationship work where there were many differences between her and him, but she felt she could manage them. He did too. It didn't work. So, what say you Mingle2 members? Depends on the differences. If it is just a food favorite difference, tolerable. If it is a religious fundamentalism difference, intolerable. If it is that they are prejudice or don't give humans human respect, intolerable. If they drug at all, intolerable, drink too much, intolerable. |
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