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| Topic: Are there things ... | |
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You say it's one little fact, but apparently it's big enough for you to feel the need to hide. Why be embarrassed about who you are? Why allow it to become an issue when most people have such a dim view of it that regardless of what you say, they will either try to humiliate you or reform you? To do so would be like walking into an ultra-conservative convention as an ultra-liberal. Most people are very ignorant of why some people continue role playing as adults. They aren't interested in learning anything about it. To them it's either a kid's game, or satanic, or simply just geeky. Their views are set. I'm not going to change their minds by announcing it to everyone, and they are not going to change my mind either. It's not about being embarrassed by it. It's a battle I cannot win, no matter how right I am. So why go to war over it? If a person likes me for who I am first, and then I tell them about it, it's pretty shallow of them to write me off just because of this one thing. Most are less likely to do so at that point. But if I tell them upfront, most WILL write me off. That makes it rather hard to meet people. So it becomes a need-to-know subject, especially since I am not the stereotypical role player. I like fishing, boating, rowing, canoeing, camping, hiking, chopping wood, etc. I like playing contact sports. (I played Division II Rugby in college.) I like boxing as much as I like golf as much as I like football. I don't dress up in costume. I don't do live action role playing (LARP). I have trained to some degree with a variety weapons (mostly sword and bow, but I've also used firearms). I've even suited up in armor and fought 4 different people over a span of two hours. (It was as much a workout as going to any gym.) I don't go to every Renn Fair in my area, or spend my money on a ton of garb or equipment. Quite honestly, role playing is not as much a part of my life as it is for others. It doesn't define my being. Wow....that was a lot more than I planned to say. I hope it illustrates my point... |
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I use this approach.
All the bad things about me, I blurt out right at the start. I do not mention any good things, I feel like those are better, as discovered. Like my business, I do not use a single adjective in describing my vacation rental which no one notices. Then, when guests arrive, they are over the moon :-) And always, I think, it is better to be underestimated, than overestimated. |
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Edited by
Alterette
on
Fri 06/24/11 10:18 PM
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If a person likes me for who I am first, and then I tell them about it, it's pretty shallow of them to write me off just because of this one thing. Most are less likely to do so at that point. But if I tell them upfront, most WILL write me off. That makes it rather hard to meet people. Exactly! *cough* Apparently, using the word "hide" was a mistake on my part. I don't have anything to hide, nor am I ashamed of who I am or the fact that I have four times more children than the average person. I don't greet people I meet with, "Hi. My name is Alyx. BTW, I have eight children." Why should I do it here, where a judgement against me can be made before he or she gets to know me? I agree that it's a need-to-know thing. Just like the fact that I have 16 grandchildren and two on the way ... Honestly, close your eyes, repeat that to yourself and see what picture you get in your head. |
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And the Thread Killer strikes again!
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Absolutely; I don't tell a guy lots of things up front. Fact is when women do this; the guy loses interest in a woman as there is no mystery left. You can be way too open and then the guy dumps you. This is an error most women do because they think that will draw a guy closer to them but instead drives them away.
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You say it's one little fact, but apparently it's big enough for you to feel the need to hide. Why be embarrassed about who you are? Why allow it to become an issue when most people have such a dim view of it that regardless of what you say, they will either try to humiliate you or reform you? To do so would be like walking into an ultra-conservative convention as an ultra-liberal. Most people are very ignorant of why some people continue role playing as adults. They aren't interested in learning anything about it. To them it's either a kid's game, or satanic, or simply just geeky. Their views are set. I'm not going to change their minds by announcing it to everyone, and they are not going to change my mind either. It's not about being embarrassed by it. It's a battle I cannot win, no matter how right I am. So why go to war over it? If a person likes me for who I am first, and then I tell them about it, it's pretty shallow of them to write me off just because of this one thing. Most are less likely to do so at that point. But if I tell them upfront, most WILL write me off. That makes it rather hard to meet people. So it becomes a need-to-know subject, especially since I am not the stereotypical role player. I like fishing, boating, rowing, canoeing, camping, hiking, chopping wood, etc. I like playing contact sports. (I played Division II Rugby in college.) I like boxing as much as I like golf as much as I like football. I don't dress up in costume. I don't do live action role playing (LARP). I have trained to some degree with a variety weapons (mostly sword and bow, but I've also used firearms). I've even suited up in armor and fought 4 different people over a span of two hours. (It was as much a workout as going to any gym.) I don't go to every Renn Fair in my area, or spend my money on a ton of garb or equipment. Quite honestly, role playing is not as much a part of my life as it is for others. It doesn't define my being. Wow....that was a lot more than I planned to say. I hope it illustrates my point... Agreed most people are ignorant. I have friends that do the role playing games too and some people won't have anything to do with them. I am a costume maker and sci fi fan and have in the past gone to conventions. I don't give a damn what others think. I like to think outside the box and not letting society dictate how I should act or what I do in my spare time. Are we so afraid of what society thinks; that we have to hide things that bring us great joy? Lets face it most people are conformists and don't have the guts to try something new for fear of what others think. I say good on you that you enjoy the role playing games and don't let any idiot woman make you feel uncomfortable for doing something that brings you great joy. |
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Agreed most people are ignorant. Lets face it most people are conformists and don't have the guts to try something new for fear of what others think. I say good on you that you enjoy the role playing games and don't let any idiot woman make you feel uncomfortable for doing something that brings you great joy. I absolutely agree. Sheeple annoy and frustrate me. |
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For instance, I usually hide the fact that I play Role Playing Games (not the bedroom type) from most people I meet. Why? There is a huge stigma against it in our society, and yet the same people will rush right out to watch Lord of the Rings, or Chronicles of Narnia, or Harry Potter. I agree I play RPS's online..most people I play with kind of freak out when they find out my age. And the ones I tell in RL think I have mental issues.. (well I do but I am harmless)    
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... that you don't tell up front, because you think/fear it will turn people away before you get a chance to know them? Like how many kids you have? Or how many times you've been married? Or a past arrest(s)? For instance, I don't generally put out there right away that I have eight children. It freaks guys out and in the past I've not gotten to the point where I am able to explain that only one is at home before they run like the wind. Yes, not because I think but I know so and once I do tell them, they run. |
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I use this approach. All the bad things about me, I blurt out right at the start. I do not mention any good things, I feel like those are better, as discovered. Like my business, I do not use a single adjective in describing my vacation rental which no one notices. Then, when guests arrive, they are over the moon :-) And always, I think, it is better to be underestimated, than overestimated. Sometimes I think it would be nice to be able to be that way. It's a pain to always have to be on top. In my biz if you are not on top you are gone. There's no warning, no maybe next time. You get stamped mediocre, not known, or questionable in any way and you will loose 90 percent of your following overnight. |
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I use this approach. All the bad things about me, I blurt out right at the start. I do not mention any good things, I feel like those are better, as discovered. Like my business, I do not use a single adjective in describing my vacation rental which no one notices. Then, when guests arrive, they are over the moon :-) And always, I think, it is better to be underestimated, than overestimated. Sometimes I think it would be nice to be able to be that way. It's a pain to always have to be on top. In my biz if you are not on top you are gone. There's no warning, no maybe next time. You get stamped mediocre, not known, or questionable in any way and you will loose 90 percent of your following overnight. see thats why I like being "just me" nobody expects anything from me so they are not disapointed <snicker> and I can be random and shock people.. |
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Edited by
EquusDancer
on
Mon 06/27/11 01:23 PM
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There's really no point in hiding it. At some point it will come out and it's better that someone know early on, then to have both people burned and hurting later.
The RPG thing was a good mention. I REALLY don't have any issues with it, I used to LARP, but I know a fair amount of friends who do the computer-gaming heavily and cease to have an outside, off their arses existence, to the point of losing their jobs, so I tend to stay away from gamers and RPG'ers now. If I thought the person was a couple hours here or there, it might be fine, but those who spend 4+hours daily, aren't going to work for me. So better to know fairly early. |
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i think you should always be upfront about yourself, well i always am anyway x
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i think you should always be upfront about yourself, well i always am anyway x I think thats good to a point.. but what if its not a good thing for someone to know certian stuff about you to soon.... |
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for me, i would like to know everything before going into in. well my girlfriend sure told me everything in one night where my head was literlly about to explode. and after all that.. she ask "so, you still want to try this?" i said "im still here"
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but what if you tell someone everything and they use it against you,, simply becouse they are not to be trusted, i think you should get to know if you can trust them first
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I tell everything from the beginning.
When I first came on here i was so worried that I would meet someone and they wouldnt know all the bad first that i just told everything. But then I dont really have anything to worry people.. I only have 6 children. hmmm plus a heap of adopted munchkins. I have only been married 3 times.. My life is chaotic and unorganised , Oh and I dont want to change that. So yep i just told everything bad bad bad.. I surely didnt want to end up liking someone heaps and then have them not like me because i had hidden anything.. |
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Edited by
josie68
on
Mon 06/27/11 04:31 PM
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but what if you tell someone everything and they use it against you,, simply becouse they are not to be trusted, i think you should get to know if you can trust them first Well I guess it depends what you tell them. The fact that you have children or have been married multiple times, cant really be used against you, it is a part of you that cannot be changed. The fact that i am unorganised and have no direction from day to day, cannot be used against me. My financial details are noones business and if they need to know if I have money or not then I dont want to know them.. so really the basic important things about your personality and life that cant be changed shouldnt be able to be used against you. If you have been to jail for something or done other things in your life that where bad, then probably the worst part is how you feel about it.. Here past is past, we really dont care who or what people are or where you come from, its just what we see now.. so for me i would rather know that the man I am thinking about seeing was whatever he was, that way there are no surprises and i can trust him.. For me when I was talking to people the deciding factor was how open people where with me, I talked to some great people on here, but if they didnt answer questions then I figured they probably wouldnt be any more open in life and I wanted someone who would share their lives with me. anyone who didnt chat freely about their lives I really didnt try and get to know better, my best friends on mingle are the people who where open.. |
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The thing for me, is that they have a right to know a few things that everyone should know about me. I tell them I'm bi-polar, and I tell them it's not something that I cannot make vanish, it's part of who I am. That and landing them with a major mood swing with no explanation usually raises questions. I feel as though if I tell them some of my flaws, that I'd hope they would return the favor.
Even though it may be the first date, there are some things I need to day, such as the fact I do want children later in life, as well as my religious beliefs, and a couple other things, haha. I just think, wouldn't it be terribly awkward if you were to suddenly spring something like that on someone after being together with them a long time. Trust is a good thing, although it needs to be earned. Taking a chance and telling someone that yeah, I'm bi-polar, is better then them being surprised when they see it come out. |
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Some things may be better learned as you go along. As you get to know each other, there are things you may be willing to accept that you may not have in the beginning. I don't want to know all, at first. I want some things to be left to discover. I think any physical or mental problems that would have a direct effect on the relationship should be discussed early on.
Other than that, a little mystery can help keep a relationship exciting and interesting. If something of a deal breaker is learned later, time enough to walk away. |
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