i recently left my husband, im not going back. im sure i will hear that 1001 times, "please stay away, dont go back", that isnt even an issue here. ive been thru complete hell with this man, there is no going back. ive endured the mental and verbal abuse for a few months now, not to mention the repeated cheating... i just cant do it anymore. he is a classic sociopath, me being a psychology major should have been the first one to see this coming. im not perfect by any means, but i was a good, faithful and loyal wife. i tolerated things that not many if any woman would. i even took in and cared for his ex wife who was ill. im so bitter right now ad i know that i have to get over this anger and bitterness, if i dont then he still controls me thru my emotions. i dont lvoe easy but i love hard... i gave my whole heart and soul, i think once you give a person that, a part of you never returns when its over. its not that i fell outta love... i grew tired. he isnt the man i met and married. idk... im just rambling i reckon....

Keep busy, by worrying about you for a while.
Return to your 'whole' self.
Get yourself happy with who you are.
There is strength in this.
Mourn, then put it away.
You are right, they will forever own
a piece of you.
You gave them that right, once.
Then.
You mingle.
A new attraction does wonders for the soul :-)

Venting is healthy, is it not?

Abusive natures are bad, bad, bad.

You got my support.

Perfectly said.

thanks all... i truly appreciate the moral support!!!

I have been in your shoes. He didn't cheat that I know of but he gambled. He was verbally abusive but not physically although there were times I did fear that might happen. I know now that I should have ended it long before I did. For years we lived in the same house but separate lives. I concentrated on raising my boys. It has been 2 years since we separated and 8 months that we have been divorced. It took awhile until I was able to realize that his behavior was his problem and not mine. Although my friends felt I should jump back into the dating pool, I knew myself well enough to know that I was not ready. I had spent so much time taking care of my family that I didn't even remember who I once was. I am getting to know the real me again.

Everyone is different. You know what you need better than anyone else. Put the past behind you and be happy that you are free to make new choices for yourself. Get over the bitterness. Instead look at him as the fool who threw away the gift of your love. He may never know what a fool he was but you do and that is all that you need to move forward. He didn't deserve your heart. I hope in time that you find someone who appreciates you and cherishes you. In the meantime enjoy getting to know yourself again. I did and I found that I really do like the person I am. Good Luck in your new life

Quoted For Truth

What? A guy from a fictatious town can be helpful, can't he?

hahaha
Actually I put it in the wrong thread.
It was meant for the Nerd thread :-)

First things first stop beating yourself up over it.....being a psych major you should now that when you are in a situation or too close to the situation the classic signs aren't visible to you.....you gave it your best shot you fell in love and domestic abuse happened because he attacked your self worth successfully....what I would do is whatever makes you feel good about you...find your center get back to your core through social activities and hobbies you enjoy but gave up.....you gave up yourself and its time to take it back....journaling....gardening....yoga...meditation...art....music whatever it is that makes you the unique and loveable individual you are.....and last but not least forgive yourself and don't self-loath.....you are on the path to self-actualization and no one can take away that or you but you

take things step by step and day by day.

Tap into your inner strength. Reach out to family and friends when you are in need.

And most important....YOU have to know you will get through it.

The only way for you to be free is realize that the person you loved is broken in a way that can not be fixed by you...you can only save your self and your sanity by breaking all ties with this man...I do know what I am talking about...I lived with a man I loved right up til the day he almost killed me...when I looked into his eyes that looked but did not see and saw the face of crazy I finaly got it. I called out to God to save me..and I crawled out of that house. Broke nose broken cheek bone, concussion, back strain. Emotional scars that only after two years have begun to heal. Get out you deserve so much more than the crumbs he gives you. I will pray for you and others like you.... I am a woman who lived to tell my story and will tell it to others thank God he opened my eyes and I have a chance to live and be happy now.

Everyone is soooo different, for me, I had to look at all the good times, really i just push the bad behind me and keep smiling.

I couldnt look at 15 years of my life as being a mistake, so I took out the good and learnt from the bad.

And yep a part of you will always be with someone you loved, in someways I have kept parts of the love and can look back at lots of fun times and joy that i had.

Just hang in there

Get yourself in a support group with other abused women. I didn't go that route myself when I got hit; but did lean on my friends for support. Of course; I kept myself busy and joined several types of groups such as bands, walking groups, women's friendship groups, etc. I hope things will look a little brighter for you very soon; good luck.

It takes a lot of strength to get out of those situations so if you are able to stay out of it and start a new life, good for you.

Having been through similar my best advice, if you wanted it, would be to get counseling. Reason being, all that damage that he has done to you in all this time has altered your mind. I did not get counseling and have been working through things so slowly that it has effected me in my later relationships. From choosing the wrong man to how I dealt with him after the choice, I made bad choices from my mind not being right. To help your coming choices get some counseling so you will suffer less down the road.

Good luck.

now i can remember why i DO NOT date and SHOULD NOT date! a man contacted me from this site approx a week ago. i was extremely honest about what im dealing with and gone thru. he doesnt text but gave me his number portraying himself to be a man who cares and offering his friendship. i told him it was easier to text than for me to sit on the phone for hours talking, as i have MUCH i have to do. i had merely left my husband a coupel days prior to this and have to find a job, home, car, furnishing since i left wiht only a handful of clothes, dealing with being sick, running and hiding from him, etc... so because i was unable to call him in approx a weeks time i get an email this morning telling me what a piece of crap i am, im a game player, im worthless, etc... WOW! see, it doesnt even pay to be honest... im floored! it seems there are people out there that thrive off of other ppl's hardships. im a magnet for the sociopathic/narcissitic personalities i swear.... funny part, there are MANY on this site who ive become close personal friends with for years who can tell him he was so very wrong in his diagnosis of me. im so sorry i coudlnt put my entire life on hold to sit on the phone for hours talking... im so aggrivated right now.... WOW

i would like to thank all of you for your words of kindness and encouragement... i think you all rock!

Be it an abusive relationship or a great one... ending isn't the easiest thing. After a fair while of always having that partner around you, then when it ends, there's a big void. This needs to be filled. Start some new hobbies that you always wanted to do, go out more often, travel, more exercising... something, anything that will make you feel better.

I've been single 5 months after a 6 1/2 year relationship. I moved to Germany, learnt the language, was learning a new job. However with my Mum passing away earlier this year, being in a new country, new language, new job... I couldn't handle it all at once. My relationship never had a problem about love, but circumstances around us. So what I'm getting at, it could be a really good or really bad relationship, either way... you've got to look at yourself and keep busy.

I learnt to play a couple of songs on keyboard, started more exercising (hardwork, but makes you feel better after a while), went bowling, went to the fair, been out more with friends at weekends.

Looking back, we tend to always focus on the negative more than what was actually good. By going through with this, looking back at the path you were on, you've learnt. In future it's made you stronger and wiser, which in turn defines your character. Nothing at all is perfect, but there's always something better.

If you don't keep yourself busy, you're simply left with your thoughts. I'm not saying forget completely, but you will actually start to put it out of your head more, when you are busy enjoying yourself. It's how I've dealt with my losses this year, and if I can get through that, I'm sure you'll do just fine