100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
Previous
| Topic: abusive relationships, how do you get thru it? | |
|---|---|
|
|
|
i would like to thank all of you for your words of kindness and encouragement... i think you all rock! No ma'am... *YOU* rock... *You* had the courage to leave. Most don't 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Do you feeling the abusive behaviour has led to trauma which may need to be addressed? Do you feel you need to work on boundaries and insecurities which may have made you prone to entering this type of relationship? Remember there is a difference between psychology (academic) and therapy/counseling (application). You take good care of yourself now.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
now i can remember why i DO NOT date and SHOULD NOT date! a man contacted me from this site approx a week ago. i was extremely honest about what im dealing with and gone thru. he doesnt text but gave me his number portraying himself to be a man who cares and offering his friendship. i told him it was easier to text than for me to sit on the phone for hours talking, as i have MUCH i have to do. i had merely left my husband a coupel days prior to this and have to find a job, home, car, furnishing since i left wiht only a handful of clothes, dealing with being sick, running and hiding from him, etc... so because i was unable to call him in approx a weeks time i get an email this morning telling me what a piece of crap i am, im a game player, im worthless, etc... WOW! see, it doesnt even pay to be honest... im floored! it seems there are people out there that thrive off of other ppl's hardships. im a magnet for the sociopathic/narcissitic personalities i swear.... funny part, there are MANY on this site who ive become close personal friends with for years who can tell him he was so very wrong in his diagnosis of me. im so sorry i coudlnt put my entire life on hold to sit on the phone for hours talking... im so aggrivated right now.... WOW For the time being I recommend using this site for support, chatting venting etc..exploring self...do not look for a relationship...you are likely not yet in the right place emotionally, physically, mentally, financially, etc to be able to make a level headed decisions about that, there are some really unworthy people here (not the ones you see in the formus for the most part) but the others..scammers etc who creep around int he back ground...anyway, chat maybe, even flirt...but keep it on here..do not invite them into your private world yet...no private e-mail addresses, phone numbers etc....and yes find a support group and other activities. Here in sacramento..we have a wonderful group called Weave=Women Escaping a Violent Environment.look it up on line..maybe they can refer you to a place near you. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Do you feeling the abusive behaviour has led to trauma which may need to be addressed? Do you feel you need to work on boundaries and insecurities which may have made you prone to entering this type of relationship? Remember there is a difference between psychology (academic) and therapy/counseling (application). You take good care of yourself now.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
abusive relationships, how do you get thru it? Keep busy, by worrying about you for a while. Return to your 'whole' self. Get yourself happy with who you are. There is strength in this. Mourn, then put it away. You are right, they will forever own a piece of you. You gave them that right, once. Then. You mingle. A new attraction does wonders for the soul :-)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
i recently left my husband, im not going back. im sure i will hear that 1001 times, "please stay away, dont go back", that isnt even an issue here. ive been thru complete hell with this man, there is no going back. ive endured the mental and verbal abuse for a few months now, not to mention the repeated cheating... i just cant do it anymore. he is a classic sociopath, me being a psychology major should have been the first one to see this coming. im not perfect by any means, but i was a good, faithful and loyal wife. i tolerated things that not many if any woman would. i even took in and cared for his ex wife who was ill. im so bitter right now ad i know that i have to get over this anger and bitterness, if i dont then he still controls me thru my emotions. i dont lvoe easy but i love hard... i gave my whole heart and soul, i think once you give a person that, a part of you never returns when its over. its not that i fell outta love... i grew tired. he isnt the man i met and married. idk... im just rambling i reckon.... First things first stop beating yourself up over it.....being a psych major you should now that when you are in a situation or too close to the situation the classic signs aren't visible to you.....you gave it your best shot you fell in love and domestic abuse happened because he attacked your self worth successfully....what I would do is whatever makes you feel good about you...find your center get back to your core through social activities and hobbies you enjoy but gave up.....you gave up yourself and its time to take it back....journaling....gardening....yoga...meditation...art....music whatever it is that makes you the unique and loveable individual you are.....and last but not least forgive yourself and don't self-loath.....you are on the path to self-actualization and no one can take away that or you but you very nicely put |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I have been in your shoes. He didn't cheat that I know of but he gambled. He was verbally abusive but not physically although there were times I did fear that might happen. I know now that I should have ended it long before I did. For years we lived in the same house but separate lives. I concentrated on raising my boys. It has been 2 years since we separated and 8 months that we have been divorced. It took awhile until I was able to realize that his behavior was his problem and not mine. Although my friends felt I should jump back into the dating pool, I knew myself well enough to know that I was not ready. I had spent so much time taking care of my family that I didn't even remember who I once was. I am getting to know the real me again. Everyone is different. You know what you need better than anyone else. Put the past behind you and be happy that you are free to make new choices for yourself. Get over the bitterness. Instead look at him as the fool who threw away the gift of your love. He may never know what a fool he was but you do and that is all that you need to move forward. He didn't deserve your heart. I hope in time that you find someone who appreciates you and cherishes you. In the meantime enjoy getting to know yourself again. I did and I found that I really do like the person I am. Good Luck in your new life  Very well said.. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
kelp1961
on
Fri 10/07/11 09:12 AM
|
|
i recently left my husband, im not going back. im sure i will hear that 1001 times, "please stay away, dont go back", that isnt even an issue here. ive been thru complete hell with this man, there is no going back. ive endured the mental and verbal abuse for a few months now, not to mention the repeated cheating... i just cant do it anymore. he is a classic sociopath, me being a psychology major should have been the first one to see this coming. im not perfect by any means, but i was a good, faithful and loyal wife. i tolerated things that not many if any woman would. i even took in and cared for his ex wife who was ill. im so bitter right now ad i know that i have to get over this anger and bitterness, if i dont then he still controls me thru my emotions. i dont lvoe easy but i love hard... i gave my whole heart and soul, i think once you give a person that, a part of you never returns when its over. its not that i fell outta love... i grew tired. he isnt the man i met and married. idk... im just rambling i reckon.... It takes a lot of strength to get out of those situations so if you are able to stay out of it and start a new life, good for you. Having been through similar my best advice, if you wanted it, would be to get counseling. Reason being, all that damage that he has done to you in all this time has altered your mind. I did not get counseling and have been working through things so slowly that it has effected me in my later relationships. From choosing the wrong man to how I dealt with him after the choice, I made bad choices from my mind not being right. To help your coming choices get some counseling so you will suffer less down the road. Good luck.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
woah spam alert. lol did you just quote everybody?... but me?
 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Dear MadamX,
Ditto re: your decision and ditto for all the great advice you received. I'd like to make two observations: something that perhaps you missed and something that perhaps your listening audience missed. You expressed extreme aggravation about the criticisms of a man you "met" on this site a week ago. A rude, disturbed man you've kinda-known for a week shouldn't have that kind of sway over your mood. I see a potential codependency issue. Maybe? I think the listening audience may have missed the part about your husband being a sociopath. Since you're a psych major, I assume you weren't using the term lightly. So here's what it (usually) means: A person with superficial charm, inflated sense of self, lack of remorse, lack of empathy, incapacity for love, need for stimulation, ability to change, lie, or become a chameleon as required. To a sociopath, a friend coworker or spouse is no different than a car, garbage bag, or onion: A means to an end. Sometimes, a person can be used for money, but another victim might serve to feed the self-aggrandizement of the sociopath. Sociopaths cannot love, but are amazingly capable of instilling love in others, as well as feelings of duty, guilt, etc. To a sociopath, you are not a fellow person, you are a complex object in their amoral world. They are especially difficult to leave. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
woah spam alert. lol did you just quote everybody?... but me? ha..I hate when that happens...sorry, nothing personal...my eyes just get tired....your response was worthy as well...I should have just did a post that quoted everyone here in this thread rocks! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
the man i was talking to was told upfront i was only seeking a friend... nothing more, no i am far from looking to indugle immediately or in the near future into a relationship.
oops... phone ringing... but definately wish to address some of what was said as i find it very interesting... to be continued... :) |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Dysfunctional abusive men (or spouses)
Who knows what makes them the way they are? There are many reasons. Anger is sometimes an inherited trait. But whatever the dysfunction or reason is, you have to realize that you probably can't fix it so there is no reason you have to be the target. You have removed yourself from it and that is a start. I did the same. I joke about it by telling people, "I used to think I had a lot of faults but then I divorced my husband and now I realize that I am perfect." I tell people if you want to get rid of all your faults, just divorce your spouse. Get to know yourself. Realize that it was him that had the problem.  |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
hang in there i can simphasize with ya im not sure what the right anwser should be im sure it would be go have some fun somewhere he isnt.
i had a bad breakup in 98 with a woman an was shall we call it scarred emotionally an physically my health went to shaving cream for about the next 3 yrs before i finally decided to go on with life i have never been able to have a steady relation ship since then due to major trust issues . im loyal an a faithfull person once i commit but like talking for a bit first . i hope your search an heartache dissappeer way faster than mine .good luck 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Abusive relationships change you mentally physically emotionally. Their are womens shelters across the country if you have no where to go. But off all contact with your husband. Find a good support group.Take time to heal and find yourself before entering another relationship. Those who dont learn from their mistakes are destined to repeat them. Stay safe . . my prayers are with you.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Here is what I did.
I got a job delivering pizza's, then put $50.00 down on a used car, and made enough money the first week to get an apartment. Then I called two guys and a truck. They came and moved all my stuff. There must be 50 ways to leave your lover. Make a new plan Stan. and get yourself free.  |
|
|
|
|
