Just one guy's perspective and experience....

When I was younger (19-21), I dated three consecutive, slightly older women who were all divorced with kids. What I discovered was that these women weren't looking for a relationship at all, they were looking for someone to come in and "play daddy," serve as a babysitter, etc.

Being even stupider and naiver than I am now (probably), I went along with it, and eventually discovered that I had absolutely no aptitude for, nor interest in, being any sort of parental figure. Maybe it's because I never had any parenting when I was a kid, I don't know.

So I decided, around age 21, that I would never be a parent, and that I shouldn't be involved with people who were. People say, "But look at all the women you're excluding!" and that's true, but I've experienced enough to know that I would never be happy with someone who has kids. Just like I would never be happy with someone who drinks.

It's just a question of preferences. We're all entitled to decide what ours, as individuals, should be.

lex,
i think thats great Lex.why waste peoples time or yours ..

I say RUN, RUN, RUN...my kids are first in my life. Men will always be second. Sorry guys ~ your loss!

I think i mentioned this on another thread similiar to this topic...but just from what i have experienced is that I think it is harder for a man to accept raising another mans kid then it is to raise his own(NOT ALL MEN MIND YOU).. (correct me if I'm wrong guys)..but that is just what i have seen...seems like a double standard to me and i dont know why that it is that way...but YES..i think you should mention that you have kids when u meet a man...THEY ARE PART OF YOUR LIFE and NOTHING WILL CHANGE THAT....doesnt matter if you are a man or women..one should know these things from the start because if a guys does not want to date me if i have kids...THATS HIS DECISION AND I RESPECT IT.....i just move on..thats all..and no one gets hurt..

yes---
u should always tell if you have kids
same if you are a man with custody of your kids

yes whats the big deal???
why hide it!!

yes

noo by all means never tell him men hate kids they get in the way, hide the toys send the kids to your parents for the week and then and only then do you invite him dont let him know until after he makes a house or car or electric payment of some kind by then he has given in and is to far to back out of the relationship rember men get lazy and dont like to look for the pu tang, and when he makes your payment it will also be a good time to let him know that your pregnant to and you invited his parents over for dinner tonight to celebrate.. well I hope you like the advice women good luck phill

yeah why hide it? the stretch marks are a dead give-away

that was just a joke... anyways I was reading threw these I am with a women who has a daughter that isnt mine. The kids cant come first a man doesnt want to be a father to something that is consider above him. sure a women couldnt love a man more then her kids, your kids grow up and leave husbands and wifes stay together until death. If your looking for or settling for someone that is considered second or someone who wont love your kids as you do.. then raise your standards yuo'll find the right one but dont tell him he will always be second cause he will eventaully find some one that puts him first.
Good luck for real people and real men dont hate kids..phill

To be honest,
I am hesitant
to date a woman
who has kids at home.

And the reason is
that children, especially
boys, tend to be possessive
about their mothers.

So while a man is trying to
establish a relationship,
he may also encounter
jealousy and hostility from
the child or children,
especially if they are very
young, who may feel that you are
taking away their mother's affection.

And then there's the former
boyfriend or spouse you may
have to deal with occasionally.

That's not to say I never
would date a woman with kids.

It depends on the situation.

I would just need to feel
comfortable with the situation
before getting too involved.

I don't have any kids but I'd date a guy with kids if he had a good voice and would feed me bean burritos til my sequins split.

I would prefer to have the man run away right away then I have nothing to lose.

THATS A HELL YEAAAA PLEASEEE LOL.

I don't see why any one would run- I mean sure it may be difficult to earn the children's love but wouldn't it be worth it?

telling people upfront is the way to go. it's better to be selective and save yourself and the other person a lot of time.

i make it clear upfront that i don't date women who bring kids into the relationship. the girls i've dated with kids try to marry you very quickly and get you hooked in so that you'd help pay for her kids and play daddy. another phenomenon is how those kids often come between an otherwise great relationship, literally. step kids are often resentful of the intruder dad, no matter what you do for 'em.

i'm not at all opposed to kids. i'd love to have them. but i don't want another man's kids in my life.

i couldn't fathom hiding my kids from anyone...

(him) what did you do last night?
(me) i was at my son's game, they won!

how would i hide that? lol

You should NEVER hide the fact that you have kids. If they're interested in you, they will find out eventually anyway and finding out later will just make it harder on everyone involved- including the children. If he doesn't like it from the beginning, then he's not the one for you!

I once dated a guy with a son. I never got to see the kid, but I was still ok with the fact that he was divorced and he loved his son. He even wanted me to be the stepmom, but we didn't get too far in our relationship. I think children are a blessing- even if they're not yours.

yes tell em.why lie?

Just an aside, regardless of the fact that honesty comes first, why would you want to prolong something that will not work out? If it's just friends, great, you haven't lost anything -because a friend doesn't stop being a friend because you guys will never date...that's called someone who is playing pretend to get in your pants.

As for me, I don't mind getting involved with a woman with children, however, I will not marry a woman if she doesn't want to have more kids. I can totally respect the fact that she's done having kids, but I want to raise my own son. It's something I have always looked forward to, and it is not something I am willing to give up. Maybe it is a matter of ego like Hawaii Girl said, but thank you sweetie for also saying that you respect that decision. Basically, I don't mind raising your kids as my own, as long as you don't mind giving me a child of my own.