What happens is that someone gets shot down.

I think the person who has the power to accept or reject holds the strong hand in an initial meeting/approach.

The approach is risky, scary and can really leave you feeling powerless if the response to your outreach is negative.

I'm a class A personality.
Approaching and engaging any woman or for that matter, any person in an intimate conversation is not a problem for me.

It helps to understand the difference between intimacy and sex.

If, you are capable of intimacy, you will not fear rejection.

Men have more power in general, it is a mans world afterall. Unfortunately, most don't know how to wield it properly.

I agree that although sex is another form of intimacy, intimacy and sex are not the same.

I don't agree, however, that if you are capable of intimacy you are not afraid of rejection. Intimacy involves offering the deepest, most personal aspects of yourself. The fear of having that torn up and damaged is VERY real for most people. Most of us have had our hearts broken, dreams shattered, ego stripped of something valuable (from the time we were little kids on up through relationships.) How can we not face that with at least a little trepidation?

"Fear is a negative emotion induced by a 'perceived' threat"...See Wiki...
It's true fear can keep us safe....However, fear of intimacy can be deadly to ANY relationship....Past rejection has only made me stronger, wiser, and more willing to try again because I KNOW I can survive a broken heart and I KNOW I do not want to live without love...

I honestly don't feel its about power at all, but more like who is willing to start a relationship . If it does come down to power though I guess it would come from the one that cares the least, because they are not that invested in it, therfore rejection would not hurt as much.

Agreed and am in the same boat. I just don't think it's realistic to say that we have no fear.

IF women only KNEW the power they held. Its a pet project of mine to start a program throughout the schools teaching girls from a young age of their value and power so fewer will grow up to 'settle' for such crap from some of these men.


If we could have a generation that begun to expect more and even demand more of their male partners, I am positive the male partners would step up to the plate.

As it stands, they dont need to, so they often choose not to,,,

seriously, instead of prioritizing how good they are in the sack, females need to prioritize a mans CHARACTER and sense of responsibility and respect.

Having fear is normal, healthy even... BUT... letting it control you can be cripplng....Life is messy, chit happens, but we don't stop living, we never stop trying...

(((Glenda)))

I still stand by what my grandma told me: "Whoever cares the least controls everything."

Msharmony, I hear ya. Galengirl, I hear you too. To have courage can be a 'fearful' thing. You are never quite sure when you take off where the landing will be. Rocks or feathers lol?

Hi beautiful ! Your grandma is probably right, but there is more...In an unhealthy relationship, whoever cares the least controls the power card....

In a healthy relationship I believe two things can happen...At times, an equal balance of power is shared by the couple and at times there is an agreeable shift of power from one to the other in order to accomodate varying circumstances throughout the course of the relationship......The second is called teamwork

I think we are on the same page, Leigh.

I generally live with rose-colored glasses and a glass half-full. It helps me to overcome the chit faster than if I was a cynic. Do I get hurt more often??? Maybe. But it's still my choice as the best alternative!

Yes but this starts in the home, a child is only going to mimic what they see their parents doing. Chances are, if a mother settles for abuse or negative behavior, the daughter will settle. If a father is a deadbeat or womanizer, the son will be a dead beat and womanizer.

I truly believe that until society as a whole goes back to the ideology of the "nuclear family", families, marriage and relationships are going to continue to degrade.

Exactly what I was thinking Tautologic. You can teach a child how valuable they are, but unless the child is taught values they will not know how to live a valuable life.

This doesn't really make sense to me at all.

I can see how this could be true.

Courage is doing it even though there is fear.
I don't fear rejection.
If I score, as in getting a date, 1 out of 10 times, I see that as victory.
Rejection is just a part that has to be accepted.
Fear stops many from finding good things.

Since my area of experience does not lay in normal relationships I don't have much to offer to this discussion. But since 'normal' was not given as a prerequisite for this topic I do have some experience with the abnormal. Having recently met someone who was preferably as abnormal as myself has led to questions as to which of us is more screwed up also have led to enjoyable dissertations of intimate letter writing extravagant to say the least in both style and theme. It has been wonderful to find someone who is more long winded than me. I really didn't think such a person actually existed. Since we both seem to be equally infatuated with each other the jury is still out who is actually crazier than the other. I have learned how to concede since I am not only addicted to her but her voice as well. It does get funny when she says, "Okay, I want to hear you speak now." It is like, "Wow, I am actually a part of this conversation." It is delightful to find someone who actually has issues as serious as mine even though they are different. We are having serious problems with sleeping since neither one of us can shut up long enough. There is really a problem with who gets the last word in as the that word never seems to get here. Except of course with the exception of when we have these kissing contests. I am thinking of investing chap-stick. So when I do think that I have something to say that she needs to hear I just kiss her until I take her breath away and use the time when she is trying to catch her breath to say something to her. So kisses are power but equal in power with the right person.