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Topic: Friends and lovers
TawtStrat Joined Fri 11/16/12 Posts: 3581	Sat 02/16/13 05:18 PM
Do you want the person that you are in a relationship with to be your best friend and do you want them to feel the same way about you? If they already had a best friend and they wanted to spend more time with them than they wanted to spend with you would that bother you and would it make a difference if this other person was male or female?

Toodygirl5 Joined Fri 10/26/12 Posts: 14476	Sat 02/16/13 09:45 PM Edited by Toodygirl5 on Sat 02/16/13 09:47 PM
Do you want the person that you are in a relationship with to be your best friend and do you want them to feel the same way about you? If they already had a best friend and they wanted to spend more time with them than they wanted to spend with you would that bother you and would it make a difference if this other person was male or female? Yes I would like to be best friends and for him to feel the same. No, it wouldn't bother me, if he had another friend male or female because he and I are just platontic friends. I do not have male friends with benefits.

Rawrr_Girl Joined Sun 10/04/09 Posts: 4431	Sat 02/16/13 09:51 PM
Aye, I would. I think it's important. The two need a strong emotional bond. Though, I'm not the nagging type, so I wouldn't mind if I had to hang out with his friends and him at times.

GreenEyes48 Joined Thu 08/26/10 Posts: 1319	Sun 02/17/13 01:29 PM
Some of my female friends seem closer to their girlfriends or sisters than they are to their husbands...And some husbands seem closer to their buddies than they are to their wives...When my husband was alive we were best-best friends. We spent all of our time together out of choice...I only saw or talked to my girlfriends once in a great while. And my husband was the same way with his friends...We just preferred each other's company most of all but we were free to see or talk to friends at any time. (Just didn't want to very often.)

oldhippie1952 Joined Mon 03/14/11 Posts: 22693	Sun 02/17/13 01:31 PM
I would want my lover to be my best friend, otherwise they aren't my lover.

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Sun 02/17/13 01:35 PM
yes it would make a difference. I want my partner to be my best friend. Once you commit to a romantic partner, that person and that relationship has to be a priority or it will not work doesn't mean we each won't spend time with others tho

AthenaRose2 Joined Fri 11/09/12 Posts: 6972	Sun 02/17/13 02:55 PM
Do you want the person that you are in a relationship with to be your best friend and do you want them to feel the same way about you? If they already had a best friend and they wanted to spend more time with them than they wanted to spend with you would that bother you and would it make a difference if this other person was male or female? Of course... I would want us to be best friends with each other... and no, it wouldn't bother me if he had another best friend, just like it wouldn't bother him if I had another best friend, and we both spent more time with our other best friends than we do with each other. That way when we do happen to have some spare time for just us alone, we'll enjoy the quality of what we lack in quantity.

SimplicityAtItsBest Joined Mon 09/10/12 Posts: 960	Mon 02/18/13 10:04 PM
Heck yeah, that would be the ideal 'relationship' for me. Has never happened though. The males I've come across are too busy having secret 'friendships' with other females to form a true friendship with me. Will never know what that will be like. If the other person was truly devoted to me and is open it wouldn't matter if the other 'best friend' was male or female. But like I said, aint gonna happen. Oh well.

2Keith Joined Thu 04/14/11 Posts: 155	Wed 02/20/13 10:34 AM
Same type of thread as many others. A romantic/love/relationship takes "friendship" to a much higher level. Naturally you're friends first, and you progress upward to reach a love status (regardless of sex). Once you've attained that higher level we call love then no you can't have dual loves of equal value. It is impossible to have two "best friends". Do not argue this fact because the word "best" means top, number 1, none equal or higher. If you are willing to forsake your morals, your self esteem, or your principals for the illusion of love or caring, then that is your choice. Just don't add self-deception to the list of your depravity.

kenattefa12 Joined Fri 11/23/12 Posts: 4	Wed 02/20/13 01:00 PM
Yea, i wld prefer ma luver havin oda frnds bt she spendin mor tym wit me wld be de best idea eva.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Wed 02/20/13 01:03 PM
Do you want the person that you are in a relationship with to be your best friend and do you want them to feel the same way about you? If they already had a best friend and they wanted to spend more time with them than they wanted to spend with you would that bother you and would it make a difference if this other person was male or female? My best friend has always been someone other than who I'm dating. So, I don't think a new person is going to take the place of my best friend. As for wanting to spend time with friends, I'm all for that. I'd worry much more if someone I was dating didn't spend time with friends at all.

GreenEyes48 Joined Thu 08/26/10 Posts: 1319	Thu 02/21/13 04:38 AM
Do you want the person that you are in a relationship with to be your best friend and do you want them to feel the same way about you? If they already had a best friend and they wanted to spend more time with them than they wanted to spend with you would that bother you and would it make a difference if this other person was male or female? My best friend has always been someone other than who I'm dating. So, I don't think a new person is going to take the place of my best friend. As for wanting to spend time with friends, I'm all for that. I'd worry much more if someone I was dating didn't spend time with friends at all. Some people are "social butterflies" and extroverts..And other people tend to be more introverted and more on the "loner side." (Although they may have some outside friends too. They just don't see their friends all the time.)...I think it's probably easier for 2 "loner types" to become best friends in their marriage...Where extroverts and "social butterflies" may find this type of relationship with their spouse too confining and even boring.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Thu 02/21/13 10:17 AM
Do you want the person that you are in a relationship with to be your best friend and do you want them to feel the same way about you? If they already had a best friend and they wanted to spend more time with them than they wanted to spend with you would that bother you and would it make a difference if this other person was male or female? My best friend has always been someone other than who I'm dating. So, I don't think a new person is going to take the place of my best friend. As for wanting to spend time with friends, I'm all for that. I'd worry much more if someone I was dating didn't spend time with friends at all. Some people are "social butterflies" and extroverts..And other people tend to be more introverted and more on the "loner side." (Although they may have some outside friends too. They just don't see their friends all the time.)...I think it's probably easier for 2 "loner types" to become best friends in their marriage...Where extroverts and "social butterflies" may find this type of relationship with their spouse too confining and even boring. I'm not saying spending time with your spouse/SO is boring at all. Or that getting very close is a bad thing. But, I do believe that both need to continue being friends with other people and have their own time as well. I could not be in a relationship with someone who did not have his own friends and did not spend time with other people once in a while.

GreenEyes48 Joined Thu 08/26/10 Posts: 1319	Thu 02/21/13 05:17 PM
Do you want the person that you are in a relationship with to be your best friend and do you want them to feel the same way about you? If they already had a best friend and they wanted to spend more time with them than they wanted to spend with you would that bother you and would it make a difference if this other person was male or female? My best friend has always been someone other than who I'm dating. So, I don't think a new person is going to take the place of my best friend. As for wanting to spend time with friends, I'm all for that. I'd worry much more if someone I was dating didn't spend time with friends at all. Some people are "social butterflies" and extroverts..And other people tend to be more introverted and more on the "loner side." (Although they may have some outside friends too. They just don't see their friends all the time.)...I think it's probably easier for 2 "loner types" to become best friends in their marriage...Where extroverts and "social butterflies" may find this type of relationship with their spouse too confining and even boring. I'm not saying spending time with your spouse/SO is boring at all. Or that getting very close is a bad thing. But, I do believe that both need to continue being friends with other people and have their own time as well. I could not be in a relationship with someone who did not have his own friends and did not spend time with other people once in a while. My husband and I gave each other space and private time when need be...We just enjoyed each other's company most of all..I could talk to him about anything and everything. And he was the same with me....I never spent all that much time with my girlfriends even when I was single. I've always been more of a "go-it-aloner."...My husband was the same way so we were a "good match."...We enjoyed working on our individual or team projects...I'm a writer so I don't socialize very often. My husband enjoyed drawing and painting or inventing new wood products...We published newsletters together and did all kinds of things...Every person and couple is different...We went "all out" when we had friends or family over for dinner or holidays and had fun...But most of the time we enjoyed living in our private little world.

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Thu 02/21/13 06:11 PM
Do you want the person that you are in a relationship with to be your best friend and do you want them to feel the same way about you? If they already had a best friend and they wanted to spend more time with them than they wanted to spend with you would that bother you and would it make a difference if this other person was male or female? My best friend has always been someone other than who I'm dating. So, I don't think a new person is going to take the place of my best friend. As for wanting to spend time with friends, I'm all for that. I'd worry much more if someone I was dating didn't spend time with friends at all. Some people are "social butterflies" and extroverts..And other people tend to be more introverted and more on the "loner side." (Although they may have some outside friends too. They just don't see their friends all the time.)...I think it's probably easier for 2 "loner types" to become best friends in their marriage...Where extroverts and "social butterflies" may find this type of relationship with their spouse too confining and even boring. I'm not saying spending time with your spouse/SO is boring at all. Or that getting very close is a bad thing. But, I do believe that both need to continue being friends with other people and have their own time as well. I could not be in a relationship with someone who did not have his own friends and did not spend time with other people once in a while. My husband and I gave each other space and private time when need be...We just enjoyed each other's company most of all..I could talk to him about anything and everything. And he was the same with me....I never spent all that much time with my girlfriends even when I was single. I've always been more of a "go-it-aloner."...My husband was the same way so we were a "good match."...We enjoyed working on our individual or team projects...I'm a writer so I don't socialize very often. My husband enjoyed drawing and painting or inventing new wood products...We published newsletters together and did all kinds of things...Every person and couple is different...We went "all out" when we had friends or family over for dinner or holidays and had fun...But most of the time we enjoyed living in our private little world. that sounds great greeneyes - like you had a very positive and functional relationship my ex husband was unfortunately very much in need of gratification via the attention of as many others as possible, and he prolly still is that way. He seldom had any desire to spend time with me, or our little family. He preferred his male friends to us almost exclusively. His extroversion was extreme, however, I am an extreme introvert...so it was a constant struggle. I am surprised we lasted as long as we did. I will never again get involved with an extremely extroverted person or a person who needs the attention of many others to be happy/validated/satisfied. Those types are just too draining! I envy your marriage tho! It sounds wonderful.

singmesweet Joined Mon 07/28/08 Posts: 26661	Thu 02/21/13 06:30 PM
I am someone who likes to spend time with my friends. I don't change that when I'm dating someone. I would expect the person I'm dating to understand that, too. Yes, I do understand that all couples are different. I was explaining things from my point of view.

RainbowTrout Joined Fri 04/06/07 Posts: 13869	Thu 02/21/13 06:47 PM
I am my own best friend. I can talk to myself about anything. I have been able to come close to that with my higher power. I never had real friends growing up as we moved too much. At the beginning of relationships it seemed like I was able to talk to the one I was with but the closer we became the farther away we seemed to come. As you can tell I am an introvert. The closest I ever came to having a best friend was with my deceased spouse. But we both had other friends which was good. She wasn't allowed to have other friends before we got together so that was something we both wanted was to have friendships with others. Neither of us were the jealous type. With my last relationship we both admitted that we missed our friend which we did have a friendship before we got so close. I was glad she was able to form a bond with her sponsor and it still exists after our breakup. I am glad she still has the friendships she had before we became exclusive. I have found that is a good thing to have friends you can still keep after a relationship fails.

SimplicityAtItsBest Joined Mon 09/10/12 Posts: 960	Thu 02/21/13 06:51 PM
I am my own best friend. I can talk to myself about anything. I have been able to come close to that with my higher power. I never had real friends growing up as we moved too much. At the beginning of relationships it seemed like I was able to talk to the one I was with but the closer we became the farther away we seemed to come. As you can tell I am an introvert. The closest I ever came to having a best friend was with my deceased spouse. But we both had other friends which was good. She wasn't allowed to have other friends before we got together so that was something we both wanted was to have friendships with others. Neither of us were the jealous type. With my last relationship we both admitted that we missed our friend which we did have a friendship before we got so close. I was glad she was able to form a bond with her sponsor and it still exists after our breakup. I am glad she still has the friendships she had before we became exclusive. I have found that is a good thing to have friends you can still keep after a relationship fails. I need to adopt your mentality. For real.

GreenEyes48 Joined Thu 08/26/10 Posts: 1319	Fri 02/22/13 05:27 AM
Do you want the person that you are in a relationship with to be your best friend and do you want them to feel the same way about you? If they already had a best friend and they wanted to spend more time with them than they wanted to spend with you would that bother you and would it make a difference if this other person was male or female? My best friend has always been someone other than who I'm dating. So, I don't think a new person is going to take the place of my best friend. As for wanting to spend time with friends, I'm all for that. I'd worry much more if someone I was dating didn't spend time with friends at all. Some people are "social butterflies" and extroverts..And other people tend to be more introverted and more on the "loner side." (Although they may have some outside friends too. They just don't see their friends all the time.)...I think it's probably easier for 2 "loner types" to become best friends in their marriage...Where extroverts and "social butterflies" may find this type of relationship with their spouse too confining and even boring. I'm not saying spending time with your spouse/SO is boring at all. Or that getting very close is a bad thing. But, I do believe that both need to continue being friends with other people and have their own time as well. I could not be in a relationship with someone who did not have his own friends and did not spend time with other people once in a while. My husband and I gave each other space and private time when need be...We just enjoyed each other's company most of all..I could talk to him about anything and everything. And he was the same with me....I never spent all that much time with my girlfriends even when I was single. I've always been more of a "go-it-aloner."...My husband was the same way so we were a "good match."...We enjoyed working on our individual or team projects...I'm a writer so I don't socialize very often. My husband enjoyed drawing and painting or inventing new wood products...We published newsletters together and did all kinds of things...Every person and couple is different...We went "all out" when we had friends or family over for dinner or holidays and had fun...But most of the time we enjoyed living in our private little world. that sounds great greeneyes - like you had a very positive and functional relationship my ex husband was unfortunately very much in need of gratification via the attention of as many others as possible, and he prolly still is that way. He seldom had any desire to spend time with me, or our little family. He preferred his male friends to us almost exclusively. His extroversion was extreme, however, I am an extreme introvert...so it was a constant struggle. I am surprised we lasted as long as we did. I will never again get involved with an extremely extroverted person or a person who needs the attention of many others to be happy/validated/satisfied. Those types are just too draining! I envy your marriage tho! It sounds wonderful. Sorry that things didn't work out for you. My first husband wanted to play teenager forever and be with his friends all the time...He wasn't much of a "family man." (Even though we had 2 small children.)...On the "flip-side" I was involved with another man later on who was jealous and possessive and controlling and wanted to isolate me from friends and family. This wasn't healthy either..It took me awhile to grow-up and come into my "own" and figure out who I was...We can't "pick" the right mate if we don't know who we are (and what we want and need) in order to be happy and at "peace" in our primary relationship. This is how I feel anyway...Good luck "picking" a man who "fits you" and makes you happy the next time around!

pyxxie13 Joined Wed 09/28/11 Posts: 3835	Fri 02/22/13 07:11 PM
People have different connections with others. I would not want to try to fit into somebody elses shoes. I wouldn't mind if they want to spend time with someone else. That allows for space between us.