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| Topic: Going through rough times with your partner, your opinion? | |
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Long story short, dated a girl for over two years, moved to the US for her (I'm from Austria), had been long distance for over a year, then got married when I moved.
I had psychotic breakouts every now and then (mistrust, arguing for no reason, and so on), we had talked about those things but never why they could exist. She started getting closer to her new manager at her work, then said she needed a break. I went to a therapist, got diagnosed with severe anxiety due to things that happened to me in my childhood, she didn't care. Later on I got diagnosed with a brain tumor that had caused those psychotic breakouts, she didn't care though, only said she already made her decision. That manager is married himself, has a six month old daughter. They're kinda dating now, she is all over him. I'm okay now health wise. But I still can't understand it, she used to tell me how perfect I am and how I'm the love of her life, she kept telling me that up until a few days before she told me she needed a break (she spent that break hanging out with him after hours as much as possible). I'm moving on and I'm not crying over it anymore, but I would really like to understand it. Shouldn't you be there for your partner through things like that? Even if it was rough at times, but something like a tumor should change things dramatically, shouldn't it? Or am I just too old fashioned to believe that couples work such things out together? |
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A partner should be with you at good and bad times, doesnt be with anyone in romantic mood.
How bad for you, you made good things :( |
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Wow..just wow.
Some people cling to each other in such a situation. Others run..you got a runner. Never underestimate the power of attraction in the workplace..people spend a LOT of time there. Stuff happens. Human nature can quash even the strongest of ties. It is very sad. Those who do that to another, earn getting it done to them one day in the future. All you can do is move on, and away from such a terrible experience. No, not everyone is like that, but many have the potential. I don't know what to tell you, other than you are probably lucky it happened when you are young enough to rebuild. Quality time spent together with someone can often identify bad character traits. Take your time next time, eh? :-) |
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Glad your ok seems she was to preoccupied how very sad. My best to you
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Well, I've been on the other side of this but every time I've brought it up they just tell me here to dump them because what you just described was an abusive relationship. Weird how they're saying the opposite to you.
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Are you still living with her? You don't mention whether you two are still together or not. One of my ex's once had a brain tumor, and I was there for him throughout it all. Why? Because I truly loved him. Not sure what your wife is planning, but you need to talk to her. I'm wondering why you both haven't tried sorting this out sooner. If you live with her, that means you have lots of chances to talk it out with her. If it was me in your shoes, I'd be very quick to resolve it with my lover. I couldn't let it hang over my head for days. Only she will know the true reason.
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Wow..just wow. Some people cling to each other in such a situation. Others run..you got a runner. I think lady pretty much nailed it OP. What sux is the fact that you came here all the way from Austria to find out the chick was a loser (especially when it really mattered). Btdt, bought the T-shirt. Good luck. |
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.. so the duration of your relationship was 2 years total???
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Sorry, but I would be wierded-out if you had psychotic breakouts.. Worried for my safety. Take care of you then you can care for someone else...
mho |
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Hey Bro that really sucks. But it happens. I got dear john letter when I was serving in Africa...but it is like this. It takes time and tribulation to find out whats in someones heart. And anyone who is so selfish that they drop one person for a new one has issues with love, morality, and may be gorgeous on outside but who's heart is as black as coal. It's a new start bud...not an end!! Cheers!!    
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It sounds like she burned out on your psychosis well before you sought professional help.
Sometimes things get said during psychotic episodes that women never get over no matter how good the reason is. And sometimes women choose to replace one guy with another in order to leave the relationship. It is what it is. Good Luck  |
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Long story short, dated a girl for over two years, moved to the US for her (I'm from Austria), had been long distance for over a year, then got married when I moved. I had psychotic breakouts every now and then (mistrust, arguing for no reason, and so on), we had talked about those things but never why they could exist. She started getting closer to her new manager at her work, then said she needed a break. I went to a therapist, got diagnosed with severe anxiety due to things that happened to me in my childhood, she didn't care. Later on I got diagnosed with a brain tumor that had caused those psychotic breakouts, she didn't care though, only said she already made her decision. That manager is married himself, has a six month old daughter. They're kinda dating now, she is all over him. I'm okay now health wise. But I still can't understand it, she used to tell me how perfect I am and how I'm the love of her life, she kept telling me that up until a few days before she told me she needed a break (she spent that break hanging out with him after hours as much as possible). I'm moving on and I'm not crying over it anymore, but I would really like to understand it. Shouldn't you be there for your partner through things like that? Even if it was rough at times, but something like a tumor should change things dramatically, shouldn't it? Or am I just too old fashioned to believe that couples work such things out together? Sounds like your psychotic episodes did enough damage to destroy the relationship before you were able to determined and fix the cause...Unfortunately, health issues rank pretty high on the list of marital problems that lead to divorce...Welcome to Mingle and better luck next time! |
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I had psychotic breakouts every now and then (mistrust, arguing for no reason, and so on), we had talked about those things but never why they could exist. She started getting closer to her new manager at her work, then said she needed a break. I went to a therapist, got diagnosed with severe anxiety due to things that happened to me in my childhood, she didn't care. Later on I got diagnosed with a brain tumor that had caused those psychotic breakouts, she didn't care though, only said she already made her decision. If a guy I was dating, started to treat ME like crap, due to anger, I'd have kicked him to the curb, actually. Let me tell you, some ex once physically wounded me. I won't bother going into detail, but I knew after that, that we were over, for good. You blame a brain tumor for it too. A few of my family members have had a brain tumor, and while it's true that it has you not thinking straight, they were never violent, or angry. And you sit here being surprised that she ran into the arms of another, because you were taking out on her. Maybe you should have treat her better. That manager is married himself, has a six month old daughter. They're kinda dating now, she is all over him. Probably because he doesn't take his anger out on her. She may trust him more. But I still can't understand it, she used to tell me how perfect I am I can't understand that myself. Seeing as you were verbally abusing her. |
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To all of you who think I abused her: I didn't. When I said psychotic break outs, I meant that I had moments of not being able to trust her, moments when I freaked out because of literally nothing, moments when I just grabbed her phone without her knowledge and went through her texts. And bad thing is this isn't the first time. I found out about lies and another guy who was secretly over at our house while we were still long distance...
So it's not like I kept abusing her. |
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Sorry for your problems.
Seems like it is time to suck it up & move on. This is a big problem with long distant relationships. Not enough REAL TIME CONTACT, before getting married. Here long time & have seen so many that after they meet, things seem to go sour. Be glad things happened before children were in the picture. Now go make a life & learn from the past. Opinion of Old Sage |
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I had psychotic breakouts every now and then (mistrust, arguing for no reason, and so on), we had talked about those things but never why they could exist. She started getting closer to her new manager at her work, then said she needed a break. I went to a therapist, got diagnosed with severe anxiety due to things that happened to me in my childhood, she didn't care. Later on I got diagnosed with a brain tumor that had caused those psychotic breakouts, she didn't care though, only said she already made her decision. If a guy I was dating, started to treat ME like crap, due to anger, I'd have kicked him to the curb, actually. Let me tell you, some ex once physically wounded me. I won't bother going into detail, but I knew after that, that we were over, for good. You blame a brain tumor for it too. A few of my family members have had a brain tumor, and while it's true that it has you not thinking straight, they were never violent, or angry. And you sit here being surprised that she ran into the arms of another, because you were taking out on her. Maybe you should have treat her better. That manager is married himself, has a six month old daughter. They're kinda dating now, she is all over him. Probably because he doesn't take his anger out on her. She may trust him more. But I still can't understand it, she used to tell me how perfect I am I can't understand that myself. Seeing as you were verbally abusing her. Some of these people can be extremely nice at the beginning of a relationship but when it starts to get serious they change towards you because they have serious trust issues. It can seem like they deliberately planned to seduce you and then when you fall for them and they have you hooked they become abusive and manipulative. I've had more than one girlfriend that seemed perfect going psycho on me and yeah, it's scarey. I have quite a lot of experience with people that have mental health problems though and I know how to handle them and have never been physically abused by them. My atitude is that if I can cope with a guy that's in my house that has a twelve inch blade and is having a psychotic episode, I think that I can handle a girl. |
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Edited by
SparklingCrystal 💖💎
on
Thu 04/10/14 04:31 AM
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Long story short, dated a girl for over two years, moved to the US for her (I'm from Austria), had been long distance for over a year, then got married when I moved. I had psychotic breakouts every now and then (mistrust, arguing for no reason, and so on), we had talked about those things but never why they could exist. She started getting closer to her new manager at her work, then said she needed a break. I went to a therapist, got diagnosed with severe anxiety due to things that happened to me in my childhood, she didn't care. Later on I got diagnosed with a brain tumor that had caused those psychotic breakouts, she didn't care though, only said she already made her decision. That manager is married himself, has a six month old daughter. They're kinda dating now, she is all over him. I'm okay now health wise. But I still can't understand it, she used to tell me how perfect I am and how I'm the love of her life, she kept telling me that up until a few days before she told me she needed a break (she spent that break hanging out with him after hours as much as possible). I'm moving on and I'm not crying over it anymore, but I would really like to understand it. Shouldn't you be there for your partner through things like that? Even if it was rough at times, but something like a tumor should change things dramatically, shouldn't it? Or am I just too old fashioned to believe that couples work such things out together? Sounds like your psychotic episodes did enough damage to destroy the relationship before you were able to determined and fix the cause...Unfortunately, health issues rank pretty high on the list of marital problems that lead to divorce...Welcome to Mingle and better luck next time! Totally with Leigh. Apart from that, from what I understand, you didn't know each other that well, as mostly you had a long distance relationship. Meaning the getting-to-know-each other bit started when you got married, which is when your problems started as well. So I can understand why this didn't work out. Maybe she had a real good scare, I would! As for her saying you were the one right up till the point you broke up: sometimes ppl are very confused about what has happened, been there myself as well. And maybe she simply didn't dare tell you because you were so unstable. So scared of you and/or scared for you. Can be a gazillion different things. Better luck next time, and good you made a full recovery!
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Would like to add to that that I think it's a shame you aren't more open to what she possibly went through: she fell in love, helped you move to her country, thinking she'd found the one, the love of her life. Soon after it turns out she's married to someone with serious mental problems. I can understand she had a good scare, thinking "what the he(k have I gotten myself in to!?!?"
She possibly just fled into the arms of this manager to feel more secure. She might be seriously doubting herself now, thinking "How could I not have seen that?" etc. etc. Don't think that because the other party fled into the arms of another, that that person doesn't give a shite or isn't hurting, disappointed and so on. |
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To all of you who think I abused her: I didn't. When I said psychotic break outs, I meant that I had moments of not being able to trust her, moments when I freaked out because of literally nothing, moments when I just grabbed her phone without her knowledge and went through her texts. And bad thing is this isn't the first time. I found out about lies and another guy who was secretly over at our house while we were still long distance... So it's not like I kept abusing her. Suspicion, freaking out, and spying ARE examples of emotional abuse which is often more damaging than physical abuse!...I don't mean to offend or sound uncaring when I say this and I can only base my opinion on what you posted, I think you should continue therapy, you have a lot more work to do.... @ Crystal...Good point as there is always two sides to EVERY story! 
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helped you move to her country, This part alone is just....... Oh my gosh, she helped me move to her country... Really now? I was the one who left his home, friends, family... It's not like she did me a favor with that. And as to all the other comments about how she fled and was scared and how I abused her and what not... I never said it was easy for her, but it's not like those are things that just happen. There were reasons, a sickness, a tumor... What happened to sticking such things through with the person you love? What happened to "together, we can master this"? If there wasn't any obvious reasoning for my mistakes, then yeah, leave as soon as you can pretty much, but in this case? After everything I gave up? I paid for a house long before I was able to move, just to offer her a home. I worked my *** off in Austria to be able to pay for everything, I flew to America and back once a month, stayed there with her for a week, just to see her, and so on. And y'all seriously say that she's the victim? She definitely has some issues herself, she started that thing with her manager knowing that he's married, has a baby... Where are her morals? |
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