Topic: How honest should one be!
willing2's photo
Mon 07/21/14 11:40 AM
Brave topic.

I admire that.

Am really surprised that the trolls haven't made their way here to make fun of and belittle posters.

patriciamae14's photo
Mon 07/21/14 06:59 PM

I think it's the thought of what someone with a mental illness could do. Rather than being told you have one. I dated a bipolar, it got difficult at times, and confusing, but I really liked him, so I carried on dating him. I tried to help him through it.

Agreed! If you really love someone, you'll be with him through better or worst and in sickness or in health.. I'd say you can tell that when you're sure you found the "one" for you. She'll definitely understand what you're going through if she really loves you..

dreamerana's photo
Mon 07/21/14 07:21 PM
im a person who believes in honesty from the beginning. im a take me as I am kind of person.
if you can't be honest, you have to put up a front and then maintain the illusion.
if you are honest from the start and people stick around, then you know they accept all that you are.

incidentally, I have someone in my step family who has mental illness and is on meds. she has now been married for five years and they seem happy. so there are people who can make it work even with big challenges.

Goofball73's photo
Mon 07/21/14 07:40 PM

I'm as honest as they get, well I'll just say it, I have a mental illness and I don't hide it from anyone but I think I mention it too soon to people I just met and I think it frightens them. It's not something I could or should keep from them. I just lay the cards out on the table and hope for the best!


Dude...ya gotta learn to hide some stuff man. For example...I do not reveal that I am a legend in my own mind. I mean....why ruin the surprise? :tongue: laugh

Goofball73's photo
Mon 07/21/14 08:06 PM

I think its a tmi issue. Do you want her to reveal her current yeast infection or can it wait?

save the heavy stuff for when/if you develop a rapport.


I want all yeast infection data on a spreadsheet....for the previous five years.

Goofball73's photo
Mon 07/21/14 08:11 PM
Now we are getting into a whole Powerpoint presentation.

Goofball73's photo
Mon 07/21/14 08:14 PM
Etch-A-Sketch would work.

lonelyman3036's photo
Mon 07/21/14 08:20 PM
There is a HUGE difference between a mental illness and a yeast infection! C'mon, the OP is really asking for help here.
Honesty up front is best. It saves a lot of pain on both sides.

Dodo_David's photo
Mon 07/21/14 08:40 PM

Just enough to camouflage a lie.


huh

no photo
Tue 07/22/14 03:06 AM
Go on admit it, you liked that one didn't you Dodo?

SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo
Tue 07/22/14 04:05 AM
Edited by SparklingCrystal 💖💎 on Tue 07/22/14 04:08 AM
Not telling straight away isn't being dishonest. The big question with issues like this, albeit mental of physical, is not IF you tell them about it but WHEN?
I don't think there is any one default answer to that. It depends on the situation, the person, the convo, the entire context.
If I went on a date and within half an hour the guy would tell me he had a disorder, I'd probably be gone as well.

We all got to be honest: no one is looking for a partner with disabilities. Simple as that. So maybe we should stop the 'if someone loves you he/she will accept you blabla'
We all prefer a healthy partner. And if you tell someone before there is an emotional bond, the chances are high that that person will get a good scare and withdraw. And can you blame them?
If you tell them too late, they may be upset that you didn't tell them sooner.

I think the best thing is to play it by ear. With online dating you could indeed put it in your profile, but then I'd add how it could effect a relationship. So not simply say 'I got this that or the other', that will only scare ppl off. But explain what the consequences of it are in day to day life and a relationship, because most ppl do NOT know the ins and outs of disabilities.
And don't start off your profile with that. You sort of got to navigate between telling the disorder and other more positive parts and character traits.

willing2's photo
Tue 07/22/14 08:07 AM



We all got to be honest: no one is looking for a partner with disabilities. Simple as that. So maybe we should stop the 'if someone loves you he/she will accept you blabla'
We all prefer a healthy partner. And if you tell someone before there is an emotional bond, the chances are high that that person will get a good scare and withdraw. And can you blame them?
If you tell them too late, they may be upset that you didn't tell them sooner.
Damned if ya do, damned if ya don't.laugh



Very revealing statement about how many feel towards someone who is not PERFECT.

I have never been with a perfect person.

I have never been a perfect person.

Everyone has some sort of handicap.








jacktrades's photo
Tue 07/22/14 08:15 AM
I think being honest is the best policy, we where all born with shortcomings and obstacles to overcome. Lies just complicate things and make you look and feel weak.

SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo
Tue 07/22/14 08:31 AM
Willing 2,
It has nothing to do with looking for perfection, naturally everyone looks for someone who's healthy. Anyone with a visible disability will have great difficulty finding a partner, higher chances when looking amongst ppl with a disability as well.
Let's say a woman is paralyzed from the waste down, can't have children, can't do anything much, apart from sit in the wheelchair. She might be pretty, funny, smart, but she won't easily find a partner.
That's nothing to do with looking for perfection. The sheer implications of living with someone with an ability should not be forgotten.

I got physical problems myself, I got a serious neck injury, hyper-laxity, trying to go for disability benefit at the moment. So I know how difficult it can be to decide when you address these issues with an alleged partner / date.
And no one can tell from the outside that I suffer daily, that I'm limited in what I can do. Meaning I do have to tell an alleged partner at some point, but when?
So without meaning to offend, please don't gimme bull about looking for perfection.

Did love the pictures though, made me have a good laugh :p

willing2's photo
Tue 07/22/14 08:46 AM



I got physical problems myself, I got a serious neck injury, hyper-laxity, trying to go for disability benefit at the moment. So I know how difficult it can be to decide when you address these issues with an alleged partner / date.
And no one can tell from the outside that I suffer daily, that I'm limited in what I can do. Meaning I do have to tell an alleged partner at some point, but when?
So without meaning to offend, please don't gimme bull about looking for perfection.

Did love the pictures though, made me have a good laugh :p

Sorry to hear you are suffering.flowerforyou

SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo
Tue 07/22/14 10:23 AM
@ Thank you Willing2
flowerforyou

@ And thank you KLC! Been busy cos I had to work, part of reintegration, which is what scr****d me over pretty badly. And my PC died on me couple weeks ago, so I'm looking for a new motherboard. Now trying to keep my old laptop alive so I can go online. It almost died on me as well during the extreme hot weather last week. Had to cool it with cooling blocks from the freezer and a fan :laughing: Looked totally ridiculous, but it worked :tongue:

stevejgg's photo
Tue 03/24/15 09:59 PM


I think it's the thought of what someone with a mental illness could do. Rather than being told you have one. I dated a bipolar, it got difficult at times, and confusing, but I really liked him, so I carried on dating him. I tried to help him through it.

Agreed! If you really love someone, you'll be with him through better or worst and in sickness or in health.. I'd say you can tell that when you're sure you found the "one" for you. She'll definitely understand what you're going through if she really loves you..


I realise that I have a mental illness and suffer from bad reoccurring thoughts but I do know the difference between right and wrong! I am almost 3 months clean from drugs and alcohol today and I've been attending a Christian Church every Sunday regularly and have a conscious contact with God as I understand Him. I am a member of a 12 step self help group and am eternally grateful for my recovery! I did meet a woman within the 12 step self help group but it is recommended to remain single for the first year of recovery! Things didn't work out between us and now we are experiencing tension between the two of us at our 12 step group meetings but I'm not letting this prevent me from attending my required amount of meetings needed.

I'm experiencing some of the most difficult situations of my life recently and I've been able to remain abstinent from drugs and alcohol! I can do this one day at a time and I don't need to use over it! Isn't life great! Goodnight everyone!!!

no photo
Tue 03/24/15 10:43 PM

I'm starting to think what's the point in telling the truth. Christianity did more harm than good. For thousands of years it's been tricking people into believing in an afterlife and that they will be rewarded if they behave themselves here on earth. All this does is turn people into sheep, making them vulnerable to wolves.


I usually despise you but this time you actually make sense. I am honest by nature and it works for me but, depending on who are dealing with, it's not necessarily the best policy.

I thought everyone here had a mental illness. smokin

stevejgg's photo
Wed 03/25/15 08:56 AM


I'm starting to think what's the point in telling the truth. Christianity did more harm than good. For thousands of years it's been tricking people into believing in an afterlife and that they will be rewarded if they behave themselves here on earth. All this does is turn people into sheep, making them vulnerable to wolves.


I usually despise you but this time you actually make sense. I am honest by nature and it works for me but, depending on who are dealing with, it's not necessarily the best policy.

I thought everyone here had a mental illness. smokin


If you want to go through life as a wolf in sheeps clothing, that is your prerogative, I know and better yet the people I date and have relationships with know the truth about who I am and the path I walk. I will be reunited with the loved ones that have passed on to the afterlife. If I'm wrong I will have lived a life of righteousness, that don't sound so bad now does it! I treat others the way I appreciate being treated, with respect and dignity!
Steve G

no photo
Wed 03/25/15 09:00 AM
No worries, you'll fit in here quite nicely.