REJECTION!

Do you fear it so much you don't even make an attempt?

If you don't ask, you have chosen the answer "NO" yourself. Go out on a limb! Roll the dice! Take a chance! What's the worst that can happen, you cross one more off the list?

You aren't asking them to get married and have babies - you are asking to have an opportunity to get to know them. Heck, YOU may wind up NOT liking THEM once you do!

Did you always land the first job you applied for? Did that stop you from asking for employment? Use that same persistence in your quest for love!

I "flip the script" on dread - my goal is to be REJECTED at least once a day!

One day I will FAIL to reach my goal!

Discuss among yourselves, I'm off to the beach for my daily goal attainment session (plus the women are wearing swim suits )

Thank you for that! This guy I know flirts with me and I want him to know I am interested;however, the words just do not come out to ask him out for a drink/coffee.

Princess if he is consistently flirting with you then maybe he is just trying to not scare you off. Send a note or a funny card. And say something to the effect "I notice you are in my life and that feels nice. I usually have Sunday brunch at ------ fill in the blank. " If he shows up then you know he is interested.

I was totally ready to do something and he was not at work that day. Then when I came in, he was not there. I went in and he was there and was so excited to see me and totally catered to me for every need; however, I had my kids with me and did not think I should say something to him. Even my kids said that he was totally flirting with me and likes me and we should date. Kids are so cute.

You could maybe try some "dutch courage". He doesn't even have to know that you had the odd glass of wine, in order to ask him to date you. If you feel that you'll regret it so much if you never ask him, then I think your gut instinct is telling you something. Don't leave it too long like I once did.

If he was willing to flirt with you when your kids were present, maybe you should have said something. Stop making excuses and make a move because he may not wait for you forever.

Wow this last part is VERY true. A person can only give it so much effort and you don't meet them half way they are going to cut their losses and move on. Having your kids around and them see you relate to a good human being in a respectful happy way is not a bad thing. Then they learn what they live. Yea if it is trashy well that is not good but seeing someone treasure you is what will teach them to treasure their future mate.

jp just go for it. if you would like some of us will gladly get out and help push

I've always been a risk taker... Always will be. Gotta take that leap...

In life, I always tend to fall UP.

Relationships, not so much. That's ok though... I'm still ready to make that leap, to take that risk.

I'm back and freshly rejected! Goal achieved!!!

I think this man needs the "dutch courage" leaving this on your shoulders, HOWEVER, JP - I want you to promise me this one thing....

Next time you see this man, say this:

"Do you know anybody who would be willing to take me to dinner? I haven't had a date in quite a while and I miss that"

You aren't ASKING HIM directly. But if he shrugs and says no (because he is as dense as a black hole in outer space) then get direct and say, "What about you?"

Pinky swear!!!


P.S. Forgive my manners...you're welcome, JP. Now - GO GET HIM! You're a LIONESS!

This reminds me of something my dad told me when I was feeling sorry for myself for not getting a date like the other guys in school.

"Go to the mall and ask every woman you see if you can fondle her breasts. 99% of the time they are going to say no. You want to find that 1%."

That's always been pretty bad advice. He thought it was funny. I do too, now.

The problem (IME) with "don't fear asking! What's the worst that can happen?!" or "fake it til you make it and just bury your feelings" advice is:
1. People start overcompensating to deny the natural fear they feel when approaching someone romantically, to pretend it doesn't exist because people keep telling them "there's nothing to be afraid of!" which means "if you feel fear you're a baby, bad, you should be ostracized if you do fear it! If you can't get over it, then something is wrong with you. Stop it. Stop being wrong."

People will adopt all sorts of crazy behavioral traits, play games, misrepresent themselves, act highly aggressive, or become "nice guys," all to just to prove they aren't the ones that fear it anymore.

2. Overcoming the fear becomes more of the goal than dating. People start asking out those they know (at least on some level) will reject them.
How do most people actually get over fear? By trying to control what causes them to feel fear.

So they go after people that are incompatible in all sorts of different ways. Intellectually, socially, physically, mentally, emotionally, communication is different and incompatible.

If they know the outcome (on some level) then the whole charade is under their control. It becomes more of a game. Shotgunning. 99% are going to say no, and validate their prejudices and stereotypes, showing them to be right, in control. Except for that 1% that say yes, who are then used for a bit until they prove the person right or threaten to prove them wrong so they can go back to playing the controlling fear game.

3. Burying the fear and pretend it doesn't exist and only asking out those that are guaranteed to not trigger the fear.
Much like your job analogy. They feel fear, but are told to "get over it, what's the worst that can happen, you can find another job, plenty of fishing in the sea!" but have no idea how to get over it and "just do it."

So (using your job analogy) they don't apply for the jobs where they have to compete with others, sell themselves, try, or anything that causes fear (because they're not supposed to feel it since they are supposed to just do it!).
Instead they go after the McDonalds jobs, the easy jobs, whatever doesn't trigger too much fear or where their confidence outweighs their fear, which leads to short term relationships all around as no one is fulfilled for long.
And upon failure, being unfulfilled, they feel they were proven right to go after that job, that they aren't good enough for anything better, if they were then they could have succeed at that bad job, right?

My point is

That is bad advice when it's applied to practical people.
Simply because people are more complex and should never try to turn off their fear, get over it, pretend it doesn't exist, or get practice until they don't feel it.


And the previous is predicated on the assumption that you weren't referring to asking every person someone see's.
Instead having actually put some thought and self knowledge into asking someone online out.

To be honest I do have rejection issues. I try not to let stop me from going out and getting what I want but sometimes I feel like things are better left the way they are.

By always staying within that comfort zone you are choosing for things to stay exactly the way they are

I'm usually too shy to say or do anything, plus I hate rejection.

Thank you ciretom for your comments. While I understand your point, I want to be clear that I am not endorsing asking ANYONE and EVERY ONE you see for a date, and I am not saying that one should suppress fear at the cost of safety, decorum, or psychological health.

I am saying that people need to relax, and practice! Practical people are always saying practice makes perfect, are they not?

Looking at failure as the learning experience it is instead of some humiliating defeat is good for a person's emotional well being. AND, their social/love life.

And you completely (hopefully not purposely) twisted my job analogy. I made no mention of fast food. My point is that they overcame fear of rejection and competition to go after the job they wanted! They didn't give up! Despite being deemed "not good enough" by one employer they called on the next! And that my friend demonstrates practicality, perseverance, and the overcoming of the fear of rejection. Otherwise, they would only be left with the option you proposed - McDonald's (or unemployment).

So, use my opinion on the matter as the food for thought it is intended!

And to paraphrase your father - Quit hiding behind a word box and get out there by that mailbox!

Do you want to be my girlfriend?

Do you want to be my girlfriend?

Don't be weirded out, and saying no is perfectly acceptable. I was just making the point that if you don't ask (usually best reserved for someone you are interested in) you will NEVER know THEIR answer.

Wow....ummm.....you're the first person who's ever asked......sure