We research the house we intend to buy for months in advance before parting with our money.

Many would insist on knowing a person for a year before allowing them to drive our car.

But do we give our hearts to people too easily?

Are we careless with our hearts?

Most do the same thing with their heart just the same, but that does mean you have to open up and let someone in, otherwise you cannot "test".

Apart from that ... all the other things are logical, left-hemisphere decisions. Love, relationship, heart related issues, aren't They're right-hemisphere subject. How could you decide on emotions and feelings, without even feeling? You can't.
When you're smart, you try to use the left side of your brain just the same (ratio, logic) so you don't get in chit. But you simply cannot 'try out' a partner without involving your own feelings.

Humm we all have to be a bit careless with our hearts. If we do not open our hearts we would never know what love could truly be like~~~

Hey Crystal

Does "involving your feelings" mean the same thing as giving your heart away though?

What does "giving your heart away" mean to you? Is it something you feel we have any control over?"

Yes baby you couldn't have said it better

Hey Kristi

Well I agree that love involves "necessary" risks. eg you have to date a stranger, you have to invest your heart in someone who may potentially break it down the road. There is no way around those risks.

So my question is more about the possible "unnecessary risks" we take.

Is there even something as an "unnecessary risk " in love? Or is it all in the eye/heart of the beholder, and dependent on the circumstance ?

Since you agree with kristi Romeo, Im gonna ask the same thing I asked her...

I agree that love involves "necessary" risks. eg you have to date a stranger, you have to invest your heart in someone who may potentially break it down the road. There is no way around those risks.

So my question is more about the possible "unnecessary risks" we take.

Is there even something as an "unnecessary risk " in love? Or is it all in the eye/heart of the beholder, and dependent on the circumstance ?

Not all that much and mostly superficially.
Location, size, looks, neighborhood, contractor reputation.
At most people hire building inspectors and appraisers.

Unless it's their dream home they've contracted to build themselves rarely to never will you find anyone hunting down the manufacturer of the building supplies, set up a meeting and talk to the contractor and work crew, do the house inspection themselves, go down to the county courthouse and look at plat maps or flood plain studies, environmental impact studies, tear out some walls to check the wiring, spend countless hours over blue prints.

People don't do that. At most they hire others to do it for them and then just take them at their word.

The biggest influence over how people shop for homes is how a home makes them feel.

Not a lot of research so much as seeking confirmation bias.

Not to mention homes are not like relationships.
Homes are an object, that then depreciates and falls apart.
Relationships are constant work to appreciate and you never get a finished product. They don't fall apart unless you work to pull them apart. You are constantly building it, or you are pulling it apart.
By itself it doesn't exist, it doesn't fall apart on its own due to external elements.


I don't really believe that.
Although it kinda depends on the car.
I mean there's a big difference between "I bought my Ferrari/muscle dream car after 40 years of working my butt off for/on it," and a cheap get to work honda civic or something.

The time wouldn't matter so much as what was learned over time.
If someone knew another from work, knew they were a decent driver, knew where they lived, they'd be fine saying "I'm tired, you mind driving?" or something like that.
It would take far less time than a year to know that and feel comfortable in the knowledge.

If you're talking about "here's the keys, take off but bring it back by 11 and replace the gas you use!" that's another thread entirely.

Not to mention, a lot of guys would happily let a girl he barely knows drive his car (with him in it) if she asked just to make her happy, got her to see him positively, and he thought it would help him get laid.


It is not within the purvey of our conscious selves to give our heart away.
Giving our heart away is simply emotionally bonding with another person.
You don't get to choose to do that nor when, how, or to what degree.
All you consciously get is veto power to keep that from happening.

Mostly because it involves fundamental changes to the brain.
And human beings are naturally adverse to change, preferring homeostasis.


No. We think we are in control of too much.
We build scripts and shortcuts.
The natural organic method is the subconscious takes care of "giving your heart away," so when they do (x), you feel (y), and then react in (z) way, because you've "given your heart away," bonded.

What most people seem to do (at least those on forums and that used online dating regularly) is come up up with an idea of who they want to be and "what they want." They then behave in (c) way in order to get the other person to behave in (x) manner, in order to justify (z) reaction, to rationalize/communicate to themselves they are entitled to, should, and do feel (y) way.

We aren't careless with our actual hearts.
We just rely too much on the script and then make ourselves feel bad when it's not adhered to by the other person.
i.e. no different than the 4 year old that feels mom doesn't love them because she didn't give them a cookie. "Oh no, it's not because she didn't give me a cookie! I'm not a baby. I don't care about the cookie...promise! I'm a big kid. It's...uh...because you don't communicate you love me in need reciprocity...yeah! That's it. Waaaaah!"


Not really.
That's what first impressions are for.
Your senses take in a loooooooooot of information that then generates a feeling you respond to.
Sitting on the internet chatting believing you are actually getting to know someone is one of the biggest lies you tell yourself.
Again, like houses, you're just seeking confirmation bias. You aren't actually doing any meaningful research.
They can tell you anything.
But once you show up in real life, your natural instincts take over and form an actual first impression when you encounter them.
You learn more about them in those first few seconds as they walk up to you and look at you than any amount of time spent online.

Then, at best, it becomes a war between reality, and your perceived reality of getting what you think they can give you that you've sussed out by sitting online for days, weeks, months, years.


An investment is a conscious choice to put something towards something else for a specific positive return.

You do not invest your heart.

It's quite easy to actually do it, though.
The more time you spend with someone, the more you bond.
There is no guarantee how you'll bond though.
You can come to be totally reliant upon someone yet hate them.
You can become "family" with someone but not feel them at all.
A lot of people simply think they're "supposed" to feel love for another person, so manipulate their own emotions to get themselves to feel it. But it's not supported or real, so they need constant effort to keep feeling that way.

You do not invest your heart.
You do not have conscious choice over how you bond with someone.
All you can do is choose to stay away from them and not bond at all.
Veto. Power.


Sure there is.
You see people do it every day.
"No games! No drama! I know what I want! I like older women because they know what they want! No hookups! No FWB's!"
Those are all means to create a script of how someone wants a relationship to go, all to avoid the natural organic process of bonding, trying to control things, to avoid risks.

Natural organic love doesn't really have risks. Just reactions.

Using the internet for dating is an unnecessary risk in love.


Of course everything having to do with people is.

Great thread.

To me I do not feel we give our hearts too freely but we do give our feelings far to easily. Where one is armoured the other is friendship and that is where the friction starts. Feelings can be short lived but friendships are for life. That is my thinking.

Homes are like relationships in that if they are not built on a solid foundation, and if they are not maintained as the years go by, it increases the speed at which the structure/union deteriorates or falls apart



I didnt say most or all people would insist on this. I said MANY. I haven't conducted a survey to ascertain the ratio between those that would insist versus those that wouldnt.





And yet some people choose to keep their emotional guard up, which affects their ability to give their heart to their mate, which is why your statement and my post are up for debate.





This is true sometimes. Good point Tom





Does every rapist and murderer look like one? Maybe first impressions are not always dependable in preventing risks .




If I choose to hold back significant parts of myself or my authentic feelings from someone I have feelings for , then some may say that I have not fully invested my heart, and if I do the opposite, then I have chosen to invest my heart, but again, its all debatable.





Because we are human and are flawed , our organic love is often flawed as well ,causing reactions of great pain and torment sometimes. Some will call that a risk.



Many people were unable to find a suitable love match in their community, and the internet was a last resort to accomplishing their dream of relationship, or starting a family. People like that might consider it a necessary evil which is why its a debatable issue.

I honestly am not careless with my heart.. My heart at times takes stupid pills I think at the same time my brain is screaming to not be so stupid.
I prefer to be open to what comes along and make rash decisions...

I think it is in the circumstances & in the heart of the beholder.
There have been lots of times my mind has disagreed with my heart but i follwed my heart...but in the end my mind had the last laugh but each situation is a learning process unless you keep doing the same things & expecting different results

I have been careless with my heart, but the longer I stay single, the more cautious I become! I don't want to become a skeptic! Unfortunately the pains of life kick in and I tend to be lean toward the cautious side. I'm so ready to be in a sweet, loving relationship, but that has not happened yet! Hello universe... i'm ready!

It's not love, or even lust, that causes people problems in their lives.

It's what they choose to do about it that makes the messes.

Although I have been terribly unlucky in certain ways, leading to my current circumstances, I was also very fortunate in a few others. One of those, was that I recognized a long while back, that I can feel intense love, deep lust, extreme affection, and nearly palpable attraction to people, WITHOUT having to act on it in any way at all.

The only difference between having a crush on a movie star, and having a crush on a neighbor, is the neighbor is physically accessible. Most people recognize that a crush on a famous person is just something to enjoy while it lasts, as a sort of self-drugging experience, but a terrible lot of people don't recognize that that's just as true when the crush is on someone nearby.

So people end up having affairs, destroying marriages, or just marrying someone who is rather obviously bad for them or just incompatible, and are mystified as to why True Love "failed them" as it did.

Bottom line, it's not your carelessness with you heart which does you in, it's your mind deciding that thoughtlessness is to be admired, as being "magically romantic."

Religion and politics shows the exact same symptoms, by the way.

Boy am I ever! I am always careless with my heart ..I leave it lying around everywhere..lol..

Not sure if I understand you Wolf.

Not understanding the friction you are referring to. I dont wanna misinterpret what you are saying

I have a sinking feeling that we share the same stupid-pill supplier I've certainly swallowed a few of those in my time

Love kinda washes over us like a tidal wave sometimes and it's hard to think straight. In fact, most of the times , we prefer to feel completely , rather than think, which may very well be where my troubles began

So you are saying that mosts risks we take with our hearts are necessary because no matter the outcome, the lesson we walk away with is valuable, and part of our learning curve. Did I interpret what you said correctly?

I've been careless with my heart too happygypsygirl so I relate, I think I took one too many of the stupid pills that Sitka was talking about

Being cautious may not be a bad idea for both of us. Not everybody we want to give our hearts to, are capable of handling us with the care we deserve. We may both need to take a little more time to survey the scene/guy before jumping fully in

Ps: I love your enthusiasm in love by the way. Good luck in your search