how you have made through after a painful goodbye?

Time to lick my wounds.
And at some point analyze what happened, what was said, where it went wrong, and so on, so I can learn from it.
With time the pain gets less and you get ready to move on again. Duration depends on how long the relationship lasted and how/why it ended.
And personality of course. For instance, I can process real fast, but my emotions take a longer time to heal. But looking back on the last breakup, I do process things real fast. Mostly because I refuse to remain stuck and revel in feeling sorry for myself.

YES, SEVERAL TIMES....GETTING OVER IT IS LIKE PEELING AN ONION, ONE LAYER AT A

TIME..AND HOPEFULLY SEEING MY PART...LOGICAL IS EASY ITS THE EMOTIONAL PART THAT

CAN BE SO DIFFICULT. NO LOGIC TO FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS WHEN THEY ARE

HAPPENING.

Stayed busy. I remodeled the home we were to live in together.

where's the good in goodbye anyway?

once again,in my case.

it takes hard effort and real struggle to process the sublime of emotions that has been invested to the person.

regardless of the span of time I have spent with and the degree of pain that has been caused.

the culprit?
am too darn emotional.
I hold on to people,to everyone who have been part of me.
no matter how fleeting they stayed in my life.
and often,am at the losing end....

just simply because I care
I really do care

I was about to go to bed until I saw this. All women are emotional, but to hold onto the past doesn't allow you to move into the future. I would focus on work and hanging out with friends do fun stuff. Meditate and remember no on has power over you and your emotional state other than you. Learn your triggers and how to control the situation before it get out of control. There is nothing wrong with being emotional but when you allow your negative emotions to take control and it affects your life then there is a problem only you can solve.

I don't think I have had a "goodbye" with out there being pain involved.

I usually take the time to reflect, learn from it, go through all the emotions.
I know I am almost through it when I am able to sit down and eat a pint of ice cream, then go sweat it out and him the next day at the gym.

I do take time off from dating til I know I am healed and I won't be bringing any leftover's to a new relationship or I try anyway

I ate them.....alive!

Totally agree with you ...
I don't even understand how someone can enter a new relationship right away. I know they do it to escape the pain, but I couldn't. I'm just not emotionally available. At all.

Lot of wisdom in this :) Love it, SeaK

Sea,thank you

we all have ways to get over our hurts and pains brought by circumstances beyond our full control.

sure is,I have moved on as I knew for the fact that there's no other way out but to rise up.

am just sharing my constant dilemma each time I would give myself a chance welcoming new people into my life.

either new friends or a lover.
the presence of emotional attachment is automatically given.

by avoiding getting hurt i've turned notoriously elusive.and yes,it's my defense mechanism of sort that works.

in real,I don't have social life.
I only have same set of few trusted circle of friends for decades.
when it comes to personal affairs.
I merely have 2 serious relationships.that includes my former husband.
and two brief 'virtual romance' in my entire existence.
those were all.

and seriously,I came to a point wondering if I am really a NORMAL being?!,huh!

You seem perfectly normal and just hang in there "love hurts" sometimes but don't let it harden your heart!

thank you

knew my husband since I was 22 years old. I divorced him in 2012. Hardest decision I ever had to make ...hands down. almost killed me to do it

to walk away from my vows..to break up my family..did a lot of soul searching..lot of praying

the most painful part of letting go is knowing that all the great memories you have had built together were all turns to history.

.....I still hold on while I still believe in LOVE....but seriously am very weary

Yes,and it hurts to the core. I had to just step away and reflect and decide what I wanted out of life and how I could change things for the better. It took me awhile and to be honest it still stings, but its part of life and we all walk that path eventually.

Everything that isn't happening right now is history. The minute I post this message, it's history.
Beautiful memories aren't lost. You keep them in your head and in your heart. They gave/give you joy. What's sad about that? The only difference is you now don't talk to your partner about them anymore. Doesn't make the memories and events any less beautiful and pleasant.
THat's a "the glass is half empty" attitude. Get a "the glass is half full" attitude!" to life. Much healthier and will increase your chances of finding new love.

True breakups are not fun but getting back on the horse and move on is better even if it's difficult but you can do it love

That's a tough one to answer Cali.

I personally allow myself to feel things honestly, and i avoid people who are well meaning, but who do not allow me to feel my emotions honestly. That is the people that are always quick to say "Don't cry" , "Get over it" or "cheer up" .when I feel sad, people dismissing my problems and implying that I am weak, stupid or dramatic makes me feel worse for some odd reason

They are trying to comfort me in the best way they can, so I embrace their intent but as a rule, I stay away from people like that until I am over my feelings, and just tell them about it afterward so they can celebrate with me at the finish line.

As for the memories of relationships that are now history, for me personally, there are some memories that were good in the past but make me feel sad now because of the way relationship ended.

I put bittersweet feelings like that into a box in my head /heart called "growing pains "

Growing pains for me, are like the necessary rites of passage we go through in our physical development, like wisdom teeth,the flu, menstrual cramps etc , the necessary pains we go through to become the person we are today. You dont have to try to savor memories that feel bad to you. Just acknowledge it like all the other growing pains of life that brought you to this place of wisdom, strength and maturity.

And yes. it does help ALOT to throw your mind and energy into projects and activities that make you smile or feel useful. That feeling helps some of the bad sensations go away I think :)

oh crystal,thank you


we've grown,we've learned from the history of the past.
and definitely great beautiful memories meant to cherish for a life time..I believe..

and when I say am holding on.it meant,am holding on for love..I believe in love still..even if it sucks me haha!

one glaring evident perhaps why am on in this site?