Anyone that knows my posting style knows I post way too much in my posts.
What I want is a list of things that you all feel is something someone does that makes them shallow.

I'm finding that most of the women I meet turn out to be shallow by my definitions and I am just wondering if I'm full of shiat? I mean, how can every woman I meet be so shallow? I'm wondering if I am being too careful?

Perhaps I am not shallow enough?

Shallow is, for me, someone who rules out their own age
when preferencing who to date.

Like dating someone their exact age is a mirror they
don't want to look into.

Thanx, hope yer feet are a bit better today.

Refusing to accept their traits in another is one that I go by. I often mirror someone I am close to and when they don't like what they dish out it puts me off.

Good one! I'll keep that one.

The feets are still useless to me, but they are acquiring some
beautiful hues of color..thank you :-)

I had a niece who married this guy because he lived well the
hell and beyond on a farm in Canada..she was just thrilled.

Then she divorces him, because well, he lived on a farm way
the hell and beyond in Canada.

Bigotry comes to mind.

Be it race, social, or economic.

for me it is someone who gives a s**t about only one person...them.

easy to read too '

Yeah, I experience this alot being from the south. Im sure you do too considering you mentioned it.

Yeah, I experience this alot being from the south. Im sure you do too considering you mentioned it.

This is another of those fundamental bits of dating terminology which I've often seen being misapplied, at least to my way of thinking. I tend to stay away from it, because of that.

The closest thing to what I might allow that the term "shallow" might apply, would be the cases where the other person is so selfish and short-term pleasure oriented, that they ignore all of the thousands of details which are so important in true care for other people.

I wouldn't go as far as to label the PERSON as being "shallow," because I'm wary of going that far in general, but the behavior is certainly unsatisfying.

An example would be a situation where the other person was exclaiming that I was a wonderful person to date, not because I was uniquely thoughtful and well-matched to their sensibilities about life, but because I chanced to follow some narrow set of rules they'd worked out in advance.

Well adding to my point..maybe it's not exclusively a southern thing....bigotry may be an issue in the North or even out west

Oh that is a no brainer. I am totally for equality and respect for others.

I also class other traits into the bigotry category.
Classifying people by their ideas and ideals. I hate when someone calls someone else stupid. To the point that I forbade my kids from using the word.
To me its shallow to think of yourself as superior to someone else. Here, let me poke you in the eye and if it doesn't hurt then you are superior.

Yup, I agree. Narcissism is a shallow trait I look for.
I respect those that respect themselves as long as they have the capacity to respct others too.
Gunna keep that one too.

Its everywhere.





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Image edited to fit properly in thread.
~ David, Site Moderator

Love how you talk (write). Thanx Igor

The 'narrow set of rules' thing hits home. I understand that people are complex and have traits that define them. While I can accept it in others I want others to accept it in me. When they don't won't or can't it flashes that big SHALLOW sign.

Can't see the trees for the forest. Thus, the reason I had to end my marriage of 25 years. I find this as one of the most common traits I uncover in the women I meet.
Each of us has good points and bad points. While it is important to understand the bad, when only the bad is focused on the good becomes invisible.
She demonstrates her shallowness when she only focuses on the things she doesn't like. I don't want someone that lives in a negative world.

To me shallow is judging someone on their looks,financial status, weight, or intelligence. etc without getting to really know the person. I find most people are very shallow when it comes to looks.

Whatever you want it to be.
It's kind of a meaningless term as it's generally applied in social relationships.

Labeling someone as shallow can be seen as shallowness, of not wanting to see what's motivating them to be shallow and just label them as shallow through personal bias to justify quickly moving on.


Making threads asking for pointers on how to more easily and effectively label people.

Looks are a preference mostly, at least for me. I know that I loved my wife when her looks started to degrade from the drugs she was abusing. She got big and I noticed but loved her anyway. Then she got really skinny and still loved her.
The women that I have dated are well aware of my disability and my financial status. That hasn't really been an issue, at least not that I have deduced.
I can see how it would be shallow tho.

What do you think dating is if not a social relationship?

Very true. However, it was my lack of proper judgement that finds me single at 55 years old. Labels are important. Judgement is also important. Lest we repeat our previous mistakes.

Making a thread asking other singles how they interpret the traits of those they are considering for a personal relationship. Trying to gauge my own considerations against the others to hone myself to be more effective in my decision making.

Any bias I may adopt is my own bias to establish my qualifications for partnership. I suspect I may have an imbalance in my bias so I am asking for input to compare my own bias against the random participants. I will then adjust as I see fit for me.

Not really. It is a term that is used in dating relationships. A term that carries universal significance but has wide ranging coverage. Its something us normal people must contend with while selecting a partner.

As the A$$hole that I am, This thread provides multiple functions for the dating and selecting exercise we are all going thru.
Not only does it help one recognize shallow trait it might help someone identify their own shallow traits to better their own presentation to others. But then, I am not a cynical as you.

I think you phrased it well in your OP: "by my definitions"
Shallow is very personal, what's shallow to you is perfectly well-rounded for another.

I must say I totally agree with Ciretom that it could be shallow to label another as shallow as you have no knowing of their reasons for feeling the way they do. If you did know, you could find their reasoning was quite good and far from shallow.

Also, I wouldn't focus on the negative, in this case "What is shallow".
Instead I'd focus on "What do I need in a relationship / from a partner?" and start looking for that.
Now you waste your energy on the negative, on what you don't want, and Law of Attraction will
answer you and give you exactly that.

When I was still dating I mostly met men that -according to your approach- would be shallow. They weren't shallow, they were just not the right one for me.
Many said I was too demanding and fussy, shallow even for being that way.
But I'm multi-faceted and well-rounded, and need a man who's like that too. It simply
means most won't be a match, which is good as you're not looking for most, you're looking for
that single one person. If most aren't even in the race, your search will get a helluva lot easier.
Doesn't make the not-so-well-rounded ppl shallow, nor me demanding. Just not a good match for one another.

Anyways, focus on the positive. learn from your dating experience to fine-tune what it is you need and start looking for that. The Universe (Law of Attraction) will react accordingly. It always does.

surface, no potential for growth to learn beyond the mask that is presented to the world . No opportunity to learn who the real person is ?