I think most of us have a message that would someone past hello. I would like to hear what works rather than giving trolls even more ways to be trolls.

A big one for me is a completed profile which I read before I even consider opening mail.

But you have to go via the message to get to their profile, so how can you skip this??

Also, why waste time on reading someone's profile? When the message isn't worthwhile, I'm not going to bother.

So for me it's the message that defines whether he gets a reply or not. However, whether or not I'm interested mostly hinges on the photo. I do want someone who's attractive.

For me, I won't look at the profile unless the message has something to go off of besides hello, (maybe with a) how you doing?

If the message I received actually has something that gets me to respond. Yay!

I look at the profiles of all who view, favorite and message me.
If its a message, which I take as an actual contact commitment, I examine their profiles to see what we have in common. I also look for contradictions.

If one sends me a "Hello" I send back a hello. I have extremely too few that actually write anything interesting or worth a response. Most never look at my profile and contact me by my pic & stats on search.

When I had my pic of me in a beard and long hair I got many more messages, mostly from older women 65+ and now I get mostly younger 35- but seldom do I get anything from anyone in my age preference.

I do get a number of long distance contacts. Either on the other side of the country or other side of the planet. I'm looking to build a relationship that is hands on, face 2 face, in real time.

I just say...how ya doin...wink wink.

I always read profiles to get an understanding of the 'core' values and persona,, before responding.

I have been messaged by good looking people but their profiles revealed they were rather shallow or dense,, so I was not interested.

Likewise, I have been messaged by average looking people and their profiles revealed they had wit or character, and I was interested in learning more.

I just tap on the mini pic (which before eye surgery were almost impossible to see; lol so rarely about looks to me) and you get profile.

A quick minute lowdown on their stats. These aren't right guys you are spitting in the wind. No answer I will tell you later BS delete. If I have to do a profile and pic to hear from you so do you.

Profiles are a very good reason to up your chances by knocking off smoking and drinking. It might sound more macho/social to say you have and occasional drink but for a lot of people the non-drinker gets bumped up the list fast.

And answering every question truthfully. One lie comes to light and your done. Don't kid yourself daters chit chat in private and your reputation proceeds you. And now days any woman able to sign on dating sites gets a list of how to find the verification sites And demographics show most free site daters are on at least one paid site also.

A member that says they made a mistake and can't change it is a scammer. Or has so many profiles they
Can't keep their personas straight.

WORD TO THE WISE This is common for the single but shacked up or married. Why some excuse on line messing around as fantasy or just they are leaving me alone so I don't care but some ignore their partners parallel cheating because divorce is NOT going to be an option so you are not getting the jump on the "next newest single" with married unhappy or so called separated. I digress.

For me not match to my stated basic criteria I know they haven't read my PROFILE and I go back to forums.

Contrary to many on site daters belief stating basic criteria is a courtesy. READING profiles saves wasting your time and energy for nothing. If someone can tell me why they want to be told not interested that I actually want to know. I don't get setting yourself up for rejection. Is it like getting shot at paintball?

But yes didn't take long to learn to just not answer is often the best answer. I think the only exception is if someone is close to my age which;duh, guys is on the profile, I am NOT 48, I might say Sorry not a match. I doubt people who just click on pictures ever go back to the profile and read why but they are speed daters and get speed right off my list.

I used to in person GI's trying to negotiate a female response by multiple approaches but at least most of them actually figure out something more intelligent than the blather about looks or why? Blow up my screen after a "Not interested" and I have no problem reporting and blocking.

But I do read and consider most profile text that is at least marginally structured around the "I am, I like. Looking for." This isn't master's thesis writing I am looking for but short and NO WHINING. All the people who do the "people tell me" get my Judge Judy equivalent of that's hearsay and delete.

But AGAIN any marginally literate person should be able to get the gist of a profile in two minutes.

Then hopefully the message is at least a respectable introduction.

Time appropriate greetings are nice. Even if I open it later I see where and when it was sent. If it is when you should be working or when I was dating guys with kids when they should be having parental attention I generally noticed. Just like the guys who are married and post in the middle of the night. It is old school but a gentleman/lady usually do first introductions an date during civilized hours.

Stating a first name is plenty and polite. Demanding the other person's is aggressive scammer move. Screen names are still names and abbreviateing them is rude. Another WORD TO THE WISE challenging a person's name is culturally in appropriate and social suicide. When I share my Native name it is not only a great respect to the elder who gave it to me but an invitation into my
World beyond the screen.

Referencing a post is not a bad move. While yes I enjoy posting and learn a lot reading forums I do get this is a dating site. And if you are smart enough to share one of yours I am more than likely going to look that up before I respond to your message. Choose wisely. Post wisely.

WORD TO THE WISE For those of you that are just bored newbies, walking wounded, post under the influence, TRASH previous relationship once in MINGLELAND you want to play nice because it is right on your profile. And I for one select or ignore people by their own words/actions before anything else and I don't think that makes me an exception.

For those people who do send messages chill out and don't get your drawers the in a bunch if you don't get an immediate answer. No answer after three days yea sorry your dead fish but I am not glued to my message board. For one thing if a person like me posts a lot they get hundreds of emails to sift through. You get uptight the response I may be contemplating gets round filed. If you do get a message back and you are busy (which the men I pick usually are) just acknowledged that got it and when you can reasonably respond.

Then you are past hello but you have to keep your word and keep the ball rolling. Respond and continue to check your mail. Most adult daters are NOT playi g around if they are exchanging mail with you seberal times a week. I generally back up if it is EVERY day in the begining but come on if you are really interested after a couple of weeks you should be signing off with a " will hope to write again (____).

If you are not interested don't make a big drama out of it just stop communicating. This is an adult site and the no answer is an answer and the normal ones get it.

I do always consider the profile too before attending to any messages.

its funny that some men see a picture and form an image in their minds :
her: i hope you have read my profile through
him : its too long can we cut to the chase?
what? who do they think we are? Rabbits?

Iv responded to a lady here that was only 1 year above my set requirements. We are way to far from ever meeting with but , we seem to have the same mindset.