Community > General Discussion

Topic: Relationship and money
Toodygirl5 Joined Fri 10/26/12 Posts: 14432	Wed 01/24/18 01:01 PM
When I got married ( at 18) We had.. nothing.. but we did love each other very much. We built our life and with that came money.. from hard work... both of us. But today, I think more emphasis is put on financial security first. I know women who will ask a guy what his credit score is??.. unheard of back then I didn't even know what a credit score was.. because I had no credit Lol. Women who ask are wise !!!

tngxl65 Joined Sat 01/12/08 Posts: 6189	Wed 01/24/18 01:22 PM Edited by tngxl65 on Wed 01/24/18 01:23 PM
When I had less money i tended to date women that also made less money. Now that I’m older, I am far less likely to get to know a woman that isn’t at least financially stable.

msharmony Joined Mon 08/31/09 Posts: 61041	Wed 01/24/18 01:31 PM
I think it all depends upon what one has to offer and what one needs, as well as the character of each party. I find laziness off putting, but someone who makes an effort, paid or not, is attractive to me. I have children that I need to support so I am not looking for another grown up with that particular need, BUT IF I was wealthy, and if they were interested in putting in SOME effort, either keeping the home or doing other activities to contribute, I would certainly not care about their specific finances. It just all depends upon the individuals, but that is how I feel as an individual.

AngelHappiness Joined Sat 11/11/17 Posts: 1109	Wed 01/24/18 01:45 PM
There are many factors not only financial You can have all the money or richness but if love and chemistry is missing, most will still not date or marry you Next is financial stability, so yep.. it also affect girl's decision. It's okay if you are poor as long as you are striving, responsible (can provide the needs of the family) and has work... If you don't have most girls will still not marry or date you I always say this, what will you do with the money without love and what will you do with love if you have nothing to eat?? The girl is there to help (financially or in other things) but the man shouldn't be dependent on them.. There are other factors but those 2 are the major

Ness_a Joined Fri 01/19/18 Posts: 307	Wed 01/24/18 06:08 PM
This very old and very common worry, is almost always much more subtle and involved than it is made out to be. It's almost never as simple as "either she'll take me exactly as I am, or she's a gold digger." Wealth is directly connected to lifestyle, and thereby to what a persons daily life consists of, in the smallest of ways. It determines what kind of other people are going to live around you. It determines what you can and can't indulge in, even for small entertainments. It even decides what diet you can and can't consume. That kind of stuff means that basic compatibility is what decides things. One other point, is that lots of people seem to cling to the idea that love is a magic force, because it does feel so wonderful, and because people who love, do so often do great things for each other. But love is not something that is a part, and separate from the people who experience it, it IS the people themselves. It doesn't guide, it doesn't decide, and it certainly doesn't change a person's basic needs, concerns, or life goals. So to expect the fact that someone really does love you, to cause them to become someone else entirely, is unrealistic, if not self-defeating. Yes. And I highly recommend financial discussions and possible counseling to any couple prior to merging their finances. While it's perfectly lovely for one party to agree to adopt a more modest lifestyle for the partner they love, bigger differences can bring a lot of grief into the relationship or even destroy an entire family. Bringing sizable debt into a relationship could effect your partner's financial ability to continue running a previously successful business, take away the financial security they've struggled their whole life to build, destroy their child's college opportunities, or even rob them of their ability to provide the most basic needs for their children. The later are obviously the most extreme cases. But I know I could not do that to someone I care for, and certainly don't relish the idea of it happening to me.

Duttoneer Joined Sun 07/01/12 Posts: 4659	Thu 01/25/18 02:08 AM
The Man needs to hold any job even if minimum wage and own shelter. It takes an enormous amount of time and energy to get to know someone to see if u can trust them so you can merge your assets which is i guess what most want in the West. This is in my opinion very risky and very time consuming. If u have built up any kind of life for yourself with your own possessions, journals diarys books etc why would you take all your stuff and basically give a man and their family members access to your stuff. For example when you go to work his sister could be at house and steal something. Im half a century old im no foolish 20 year old although that is a wonderful time in life. Once you know who u are and have a life and stuff it is enormously risky to merge assets as it would take so much time to check out this persons life to see if any of them would steal. So in my opinion ,its only important for a Man to have a job any job a ton of Books and his own shelter. Moving in and merging assets is gonna be a NO because it takes too much emotional time and energy to screen him and everyone who he lets in access to his life. Females need to have their own job own money own shelter if you want to be safe!!!!!! So a mans bank account is really NONE of your business True to say as we become older we have lots more stuff, and less likely to want to share it with anyone with less stuff, so maybe just having stuff is more important for the older person.

Toodygirl5 Joined Fri 10/26/12 Posts: 14432	Thu 01/25/18 09:19 AM
Wen I was married, my husband didn't need my money! If I ever remarry the new husband won't either!

Duttoneer Joined Sun 07/01/12 Posts: 4659	Thu 01/25/18 10:08 AM Edited by Duttoneer on Thu 01/25/18 10:15 AM
^^^^ I think that is very good, if he gets to keep all his stuff, and you can manage not to touch all his stuff as well. I don't know why, but wives always seem to want to rummage in their husbands stuff.

Toodygirl5 Joined Fri 10/26/12 Posts: 14432	Thu 01/25/18 10:35 AM Edited by Toodygirl5 on Thu 01/25/18 10:36 AM
^^^^ I think that is very good, if he gets to keep all his stuff, and you can manage not to touch all his stuff as well. I don't know why, but wives always seem to want to rummage in their husbands stuff. Yes I spent his money! That is because he had much more! I do not want a poor or stingy man.