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| Topic: How ready are you really for a partner? | |
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Edited by
SparklingCrystal 💖💎
on
Mon 05/28/18 05:28 PM
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Just wondering, most everyone on here is looking for a partner. The ones that are... are you really truly ready for a partner?
By which I basically mean that many are looking for a partner because they cannot be by themselves and feel happy and in need of someone else to fill a void. Then you're not really ready. You're needy, lol. Or maybe you don't have time and space right now in your life for a partner. That's how I feel at the moment. So if you're single and looking are you really ready? I came to this because currently at this moment in life I am getting ready again, but not in any hurry because I'm so busy fulfilling my dreams and true passions in life. So yes, I want a partner and a relationship, but I'm not 100% healed yet after my breakup, apart from that I am not only very busy but also get a lot of joy and fulfillment and happiness from what I'm doing, outside of the love arena. This is totally new to me, I've always been more focused on getting a relationship, even when I wasn't needy, it was still kind of like a goal in life. Now, for the first time ever, it seems it is not my main goal. Manifesting my own dreams is. At least at the moment. And it feels odd. Not used to it. I find it confusing. Does it mean I don't want a partner anymore? But that's not true, I DO want a relationship. It's just not my main goal. It's quite the shift for me. Didn't realize that until now. So curious if anyone recognizes this? |
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I'm quiet content to just be with me atm. I think that if at any point I find that certain gentlemen that I'd be ready. Not looking by any means but if it happens it happens.
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I'm ready for a partner, floors need cleaning, clothes need washing, back need scrathin. Yeah lookin for true lub
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I'm ready for a partner, floors need cleaning, clothes need washing, back need scrathin. Yeah lookin for true lub That's a maid try Craigslist |
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I'm ready for a partner, floors need cleaning, clothes need washing, back need scrathin. Yeah lookin for true lub That's a maid try Craigslist That an old memory, had a maid long ago but she didn't do backs 
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IMO, as we age and the years increase since a divorce I think people become accustom to being alone. I've dated a few women since the divorce but as time passes the need for a partner is fading. I'm becoming happy with just friends and family. Something else that seems a part of the dilemma is as divorced men and women age we trust the opposite sex less and less. When I was 20 something men and women seemed to have a need for companionship. I've heard people say "I don't need someone but I want someone". There has to be an emotional and social need before people want. Marketing 101.
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IndianaDave,
The real problem isn't age or even situation... keep in mind this is only my take, (and I welcome comments) but I've done some hard thinking on this the last few years...the real reason so many people have such trouble with either, having, getting, or maintaining a real true relationship, is because everything we know about them is wrong and backwards. What I mean is, most people don't prioritize them correctly, or they look for people for the wrong reasons... First, we meet someone we connect with, then the first mistake we make, is trying to fit the other person into our life... I believe you should fit your life into the person...the real true sacrifice in a relationship is not the things we compromise on or the things we think we have to give up, that's all bull....the true sacrifice is to commit, to put the other person ahead of ourselves. Your first priority should always be your partner, and you should be there's, that's how you get to be the 80 year old couple in the park that still hold hands and smooch. There can never be a her and I or a him and I there has to be only a WE, or an US. It has to always be a team...in life, in relationship, and especially in bed. And friends and family, even though they were their first, have to respect the new dynamic and the boundaries. You NEVER side against your partner, even if they're wrong....and in the bedroom, you should never be thinking about what you're getting...your job is rocking your partner's world! Their job, is to rock yours and if you're both taking care of your end, it will be incredible...but like I said, it starts with getting out of the "ME" mentality...and that's the real commitment. If you want a real, loving, lasting relationship, you have to be all about your partner, and they have to be all about you! You have to make each other, each other's first priority. |
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Edited by
indianadave4
on
Tue 05/29/18 01:58 AM
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IndianaDave, The real problem isn't age or even situation... keep in mind this is only my take, (and I welcome comments) but I've done some hard thinking on this the last few years...the real reason so many people have such trouble with either, having, getting, or maintaining a real true relationship, is because everything we know about them is wrong and backwards. What I mean is, most people don't prioritize them correctly, or they look for people for the wrong reasons... First, we meet someone we connect with, then the first mistake we make, is trying to fit the other person into our life... I believe you should fit your life into the person...the real true sacrifice in a relationship is not the things we compromise on or the things we think we have to give up, that's all bull....the true sacrifice is to commit, to put the other person ahead of ourselves. Your first priority should always be your partner, and you should be there's, that's how you get to be the 80 year old couple in the park that still hold hands and smooch. There can never be a her and I or a him and I there has to be only a WE, or an US. It has to always be a team...in life, in relationship, and especially in bed. And friends and family, even though they were their first, have to respect the new dynamic and the boundaries. You NEVER side against your partner, even if they're wrong....and in the bedroom, you should never be thinking about what you're getting...your job is rocking your partner's world! Their job, is to rock yours and if you're both taking care of your end, it will be incredible...but like I said, it starts with getting out of the "ME" mentality...and that's the real commitment. If you want a real, loving, lasting relationship, you have to be all about your partner, and they have to be all about you! You have to make each other, each other's first priority. What you're saying is true but we live in a time when commitment is optional (except for taxes). The relationship should always be WE. When still married the bank account (to my understanding) was WE. It wasn't until a year before the divorce that I found out the ex had multiple credit cards and a separate bank account. In today's world relationships (like marriages) are disposable. When I was young (born in 1951) one had to demonstrate to a court that a divorce was warranted. And yes abuse was definitely considered warranted. Married couples had to work things out. My parents generation had the "till death do us part" commitment and mentality. Does that mean all marriages were perfect? No, but no-fault divorce has made it very easy for society to walk away. If a married couple can walk away for no reason this translates into single couples can walk away for marginal terms. Is it fair: no, but this is the product of the ME generation. Unfortunately the courts only allowed what my generation wanted. "If I don't like the circumstances I'll leave": both men and women. For some reason the commitment mentality did not find it's way into my generation nor my children's nor grand children's generation. How to change this is the big question. People need motivation and right now the individual reins supreme while society is falling apart before our eyes. The National Association of Women Lawyers were instrumental in convincing the American Bar Association to help create a Family Law section in many state courts, and pushed strongly for no-fault divorce law around 1960 (cf. Uniform Marriage and Divorce Act). In 1969, California became the first U.S. state to pass a no-fault divorce law. |
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I'm quiet content to just be with me atm. I think that if at any point I find that certain gentlemen that I'd be ready. Not looking by any means but if it happens it happens. Yeah, I'm like that too at the moment. It does scare me a little bit though. Because if I keep feeling this way I will stay alone I guess, which ultimately isn't what I want. If I want it to change I have to do something about it and right now I don't really feel like doing that. I guess it wouldn't bother me really if I was still in my 30s or early 40s. For some reason I feel pressure a bit because I'm 52. BS, I know, but cannot help it. |
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I'm ready for a partner, floors need cleaning, clothes need washing, back need scrathin. Yeah lookin for true lub I understand that sentiment! My garden needs serious work, my garage is in dire need of a man's touch. I really should get a guy in for a few months so all that work gets done 
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IMO, as we age and the years increase since a divorce I think people become accustom to being alone. I've dated a few women since the divorce but as time passes the need for a partner is fading. I'm becoming happy with just friends and family. Something else that seems a part of the dilemma is as divorced men and women age we trust the opposite sex less and less. When I was 20 something men and women seemed to have a need for companionship. I've heard people say "I don't need someone but I want someone". There has to be an emotional and social need before people want. Marketing 101. The family thing is true. I was never like that, but I've noticed the last half year or so that I'm becoming increasingly family oriented. Not overwhelmingly so, that's just really not me, but with my kids, I so enjoy that! More than I ever have before. It's as if for the first time ever I'm really seeing and feeling the importance and essence of family. Trusting... yes. I never had that problem. Not even after an abusive relationship. I'm very positive, always believe in the good and positive. But after my last relationship I notice that I find it really difficult to dare to open up again. It'll come, it's already improved compared to 1-2 months ago, but I think maybe I'm not completely there just yet. |
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I might have strong feelings for a certain someone. But still picking up pieces from that poisonous marriage I was in. Happy days ahead
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I'm ready for a partner, floors need cleaning, clothes need washing, back need scrathin. Yeah lookin for true lub I understand that sentiment! My garden needs serious work, my garage is in dire need of a man's touch. I really should get a guy in for a few months so all that work gets done if you get your maid service up and running i will see it and raise it with a handyman service 
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I wish ill know that perfect time that im ready. I really want someone i can love and be with for the rest of my life but then i have been with men who I feel does not see me the way i see myself. I never want to settle again. Never want to make excuses for another person why he is how he is. Loving myself means knowing when i am truly loved. Learning all these from you Crystal
 now where are those dutch guys? Lol
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the perfect time is when the world lights up when your paths cross
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the perfect time is when the world lights up when your paths cross I hope im ready by that time SN 
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you already are ss
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I am ?
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so start zig zagging so you can cross his path
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the perfect time is when the world lights up when your paths cross In that case, I must have been walking into the wrong direction all my life. Into a cul de sac 
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