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| Topic: First date jitters | |
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When and how should you tell someone that the chemistry isn't there?
A mutual friend set the two of us up on what was virtually a blind date and he's a nice guy, very good-looking. We had dinner and it was fine, but it didn't knock me off my feet. If I never saw or heard from him again, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even be disappointed. We're going out again tonight for a second date and I'm not really excited about it. I don't know if this means I'm just nervous and psyching myself out or if it means that I'm really not all that interested. How many dates should you have before you can reasonably say that there really isn't a spark between the two of you? If it's not working for me, I certainly don't want to lead him on, but I also don't want to panic and jump ship before I've even let myself get to know him. |
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Edited by
Tobias1540
on
Sat 02/09/08 03:33 PM
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Well from my experince 1 is enough for a girl to be uninterested. Even after a week or two of talking online
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Imediately .. unless you are the will date for food type
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Try really hard tonight to explore lots of different areas of conversation and see if you can find something that will excite you about him. If you still feel absolutely nothing, then it's likely that you won't. You could bring it up at the end of the night? Or wait until tomorrow? I don't know, I'm not good at that part...
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When and how should you tell someone that the chemistry isn't there? How many dates should you have before you can reasonably say that there really isn't a spark between the two of you? If it's not working for me, I certainly don't want to lead him on, but I also don't want to panic and jump ship before I've even let myself get to know him. Well, let me say thank you very much for making me realize I was not alone! This happened to me so many times I wondered if I was looking for something to be wrong. You can say it tonight, at the end of the date. Say, you know. I so enjoy your company and I like you, but not in a dating sort of way. Can we still hang out? Or, way #2, if this is not totally grossing you out, that is. Kiss him. See if the sparks fly there. I really had a hard time with number two, though. Go with your gut. |
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Totally off subject...but kind of not. I went out to a "new to me" place a few weeks ago, kind of on business. I started talking to one of the guys Ill be dealing with, we talked all night, went to breakfast and didnt get home till 4 am. I happened to be there again last night, have chatted on line a bit with him over the past couple weeks. But again last night we went to breakfast...530 this am.
I couldnt imagine just sitting there with the weird discomfort nd lack of chemistry. Tell him its not what youre looking for right now |
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Totally off subject...but kind of not. I went out to a "new to me" place a few weeks ago, kind of on business. I started talking to one of the guys Ill be dealing with, we talked all night, went to breakfast and didnt get home till 4 am. I happened to be there again last night, have chatted on line a bit with him over the past couple weeks. But again last night we went to breakfast...530 this am. I couldnt imagine just sitting there with the weird discomfort nd lack of chemistry. Tell him its not what youre looking for right now See, I want someone I can stay up until 4:30 with at some all-night diner. I love doing that! The conversation my date and I had during the first date was really uncomfortable because we were both searching for a topic and we never really struck on one that worked for us both. I'm a really shy person around new people, so it's hard to get me to open up sometimes, but he might just be really shy too, so I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt and try to allow us time to get to know one another. But then again, there just weren't any flying sparks that were bright enough to make me really look forward to seeing him again. 
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see how tonight goes, and then make your assessment :) But if it's not there, then it's probably not going to be, and go ahead and let him know.
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see how tonight goes, and then make your assessment :) But if it's not there, then it's probably not going to be, and go ahead and let him know. And that's the part I hate... |
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When and how should you tell someone that the chemistry isn't there? A mutual friend set the two of us up on what was virtually a blind date and he's a nice guy, very good-looking. We had dinner and it was fine, but it didn't knock me off my feet. If I never saw or heard from him again, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even be disappointed. We're going out again tonight for a second date and I'm not really excited about it. I don't know if this means I'm just nervous and psyching myself out or if it means that I'm really not all that interested. How many dates should you have before you can reasonably say that there really isn't a spark between the two of you? If it's not working for me, I certainly don't want to lead him on, but I also don't want to panic and jump ship before I've even let myself get to know him. Well in all I wouldn't lead him on as far as him thinking things are going good if there not. You can always look at it as you made another friend. |
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Tell him right away
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I don't understand why someone judges someone from one meeting.Taking an example of myself, I have known to be a bit shy in the beginning myself, but after few meeting, I am the funniest person in the world and people really see that side of me, but they won't see that in one meeting.
So if it was me, I will see where it goes.most of the people never show their true color in one meeting. |
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I don't understand why someone judges someone from one meeting.Taking an example of myself, I have known to be a bit shy in the beginning myself, but after few meeting, I am the funniest person in the world and people really see that side of me, but they won't see that in one meeting. So if it was me, I will see where it goes.most of the people never show their true color in one meeting. I know most people don't show their true colors right away, that's why I'm hesitant to call it off so quickly. However, I don't want to keep stringing him along if I'm not feeling like this could go anywhere. Hence the problem. |
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Tell them the truth as fast as you can.
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it's all about attitude & what you are looking for in a guy/relationship....i've been known to NEXT someone rather quickly & have had it happen to me too...nowadays i try to give the person a second chance, but not always....
however, i've learned to go with my feelings because my head is likely to do to much thinking....so let your feelings be your guide(some call it intuition), they are telling you how you are really thinking.... I wouldn't tell him anything unless you felt inclined to say something....in that case i would just tell him you don't feel the two of you are a match....don't go into details.... |
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it's all about attitude & what you are looking for in a guy/relationship....i've been known to NEXT someone rather quickly & have had it happen to me too...nowadays i try to give the person a second chance, but not always.... however, i've learned to go with my feelings because my head is likely to do to much thinking....so let your feelings be your guide(some call it intuition), they are telling you how you are really thinking.... I wouldn't tell him anything unless you felt inclined to say something....in that case i would just tell him you don't feel the two of you are a match....don't go into details.... Woah.. hands down, way to go, best advice of the night! Bluesky- I do admire your posts.
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When and how should you tell someone that the chemistry isn't there? A mutual friend set the two of us up on what was virtually a blind date and he's a nice guy, very good-looking. We had dinner and it was fine, but it didn't knock me off my feet. If I never saw or heard from him again, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even be disappointed. We're going out again tonight for a second date and I'm not really excited about it. I don't know if this means I'm just nervous and psyching myself out or if it means that I'm really not all that interested. How many dates should you have before you can reasonably say that there really isn't a spark between the two of you? If it's not working for me, I certainly don't want to lead him on, but I also don't want to panic and jump ship before I've even let myself get to know him. If the magic isn't there, tell that other person at the end of the date. Be nice, be courteous, and (most of all) be diplomatic, but tell them. It's better to let them know earlier than later, as you'll only risk causing problems if the other party DOES end up feeling some chemistry. And don't agree to another date after realizing there's no chemistry, only to flake out and not go through with it either. That will only just piss the other party off. |
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Woah.. hands down, way to go, best advice of the night! Bluesky- I do admire your posts. flowerforyou Why thank-you for the kind words....you are very sweet |
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I don't understand why someone judges someone from one meeting.Taking an example of myself, I have known to be a bit shy in the beginning myself, but after few meeting, I am the funniest person in the world and people really see that side of me, but they won't see that in one meeting. So if it was me, I will see where it goes.most of the people never show their true color in one meeting. I know most people don't show their true colors right away, that's why I'm hesitant to call it off so quickly. However, I don't want to keep stringing him along if I'm not feeling like this could go anywhere. Hence the problem. I get your point and I applaud you for giving him a second chance, see how tonight goes and tell him the truth about your feelings and maybe, ask him how he feels. |
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Woah.. hands down, way to go, best advice of the night! Bluesky- I do admire your posts. flowerforyou Why thank-you for the kind words....you are very sweet Well deserved words... covered in sugar!  You should hear them more often.
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