Ok, its a little long...but I wanted to spill the full scenario so
there'll be no question about direction for advice. To anyone with any
good common sense or meaningful words I can use some assistance I have a
little problem:

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 4 months now. He's in the NAVY,
living in VA and I'm in GA. He's down for the holiday, visiting with me
for a week, then we're drivin down to Savannah to meet his family. He's
a great person, very caring, very sweet, and should be all I want in a
man...but I feel more and more drawn away from him. I was single a while
before I met him so I'm used to having my freedom. I have a lot of male
friends who I can just chill with, maybe go out to lunch or for drinks
but it be nothing sexual-- at least not on my end-- but I've had to halt
that activity out of respect for my man. I feel obligated to tell him
alot, and I'm not use to that either. On top of that, since he's been
here the smallest things have been annoying the hell outta me-- well,
what should be small but have a big affect on me. The biggest problem,
though is I tell him I love him-- because I thought I did. But now, more
and more, I dont think I do. Actually I'm pretty sure I dont. I care
about him. Alot. Which's why I've spared hurting him with this truth
I've been consealing. He gives my massages, cooks me food, listens and
talks to me, doesn't mind doing things I want to do. But I'm just at a
stand-still because though I should be jumping for joy inside that I've
found a man most women envy, I'm secretly wanting my freedom. He came in
my life during a time that was very hard for me. I lost my mother in
September and deep down inside, more and more I think my close
attachness to him was to just fill this void of emptiness I felt at the
death of my mother. Saying I loved him was a new-found joy I was hoping
could replace the love I lost. But I cant continue to look in his eyes
and lie to him. Or pretend I want something I no longer do. I especially
dont want to meet his family he cant wait for me to be introduced to and
tell them yes, I still want to marry this guy. I just really think I
need to be single in this time in my life. Its a new year and I dont
want to start it with deception. What should I do: Wait for a spark to
come and hold on to this man who loves me? Or tell him I'd love to keep
in contact but need to back off a little from the "girlfriend" thing?
Helpful, honest advice is truly appreciated... Thanks, peoples. Happy
New Year

I don't understand the question. You say you want to marry this guy yet
you say you don't love him?
Seems to me you are doing what I did over 25 yrs ago. It ended in
divorce after 20yrs and no children. Now it seems I am lucky, and have
found someone who loves me and God willing we will have the family we
both want.

You need to decide now what you really want, happiness or just someone
to have around?

G

If u truely do not love this man u need to let him know so he can move
on. Its not fair to him to let him believe that what he feels for u is
returned. He sounds like a great guy but obviosly he's not what your
ready for at this time. Tell him, even if he feels hurt he'll get over
it, at least he'll know how u truely feel before things progress to
marriage and things get really hairy.

Feeling of love, throughout life, come and go, sometimes...but I do not
think that is what is happening to you...you were on ''the rebound'' in
some ways, because of the fact your mother died. Being 'on the rebound''
can happen because of divorce or the death of anyone you love or
anything that happens, in life. You need to put your cards on the table,
so to speak, and level with this guy...but be sure to leave the door
open for a relationship, later, if you think you and he, might, work it
out, later...of course, be prepared to move on, completly, without him,
forever, because he just might slam that door shut, completly, himself,
and lock the dang thing, as I have done with my last boy friend when he
gave me some news, a little bit like that.

Hun, I hate to hear that you are in so much pain over this. I have been
there and done that. But i think that you really need to just sit down
and talk to him. Explain the way you feel, if he loves you the way he
says, then he should want you to feel happy no matter what. If you talk
about this you may feel like a huge weight has been lifted off you and
be able to get back to being with him and not feeling like you betrayed
him. That is the best advise i can give.

Good luck

I think you should sit down with this great guy and tell him just what
you told us.

Don't make the mistake that most people do. Do what you feel is right
for YOU! In the end YOU are the one that will have to live with the
decision and the concequences.

Best of Luck
T

You need to let this guy go because he has ever right to be treated with
honesty and respect just as you do. You need to give him the chance to
meet a loving, honest and respectful woman that does not have these
thoughts in her mind. You seem to be quite mixed up and it is not fair
to this good man (your words) to take away his chances to find a woman
that will appreciate him. There are a lot of people that do not really
want a man/woman like that in their life. They prefer their "freedom"
to do as they please, which means that these people are not ready or
might never be ready to be in a one on one fulfilling relationships.
And that is a choice, not to be judged by anyone, BUT it is unfair and
selfish to string a person along that deserves better than being lied to
and not honestly being told what the other person wants or not wants.
There are many loving women that are waiting for a chance to meet a man
like that - the sad thing is that there are women have a man like this
but want everything their way. Healthy relationships are not built that
way. It would never last or develop into a healthy and lasting
relationship. That takes communication, honesty and guts and by guts I
mean having the guts and leave a relationship like that and give the
man/woman a change to heal from the hurt they might feel and give them
the chance to move on to a person that wants him/her and will appreciate
him/her.
Take it easy ...... Good Luck..... Do the right thing.

Read " Dear John " by Nicholas Sparks. That's what your situation
reminded me off. It might help. Idk.

It sounds like you already know what must be done....situation is how do
you tell him!

You have to find that in yourself! Just ask yourself - how would you
feel if you were on the other end and that other someone told you the
truth. Relief or pain... probably both, but yet you know that the longer
it goes that harder it is and the more pain there will be. (Don't know
if I am making sense.)

IT SOUNDS LIKE U SHOULD HAVE SEX WITH YOUR B.O.B. ( BATTERY OPERATED
BOYFRIEND )

dammmmm spy!!!!!!!!! that's your advice? !!!!!!!

It sounds like he did fill a void for you, I would say don't walk but
run to the nearest exit. He may be too nice for you, we all want a guy
that is nice, but we all want the bad boy too. You need to sort out who
you are and what you want for yourself before you get involved with
anyone. Cut him lose and be gentle, there is someone that is just right
for him, and you just around the corner.

Monique, Do this guy the best thing you can and Dump Him! I too am Ex
Navy and I couldn't have pictured going over seas in an attached
relationship situation.

A few points here though.

1 - The idea of being tied down repulses you
2 - You like the attention assoicated with plenty of different guys (not
the focus of one).
3 - You're Too young 2B in a commited relationship (aka..look at your
wondering eyes already
4 - Once you tell him that you want to back off he WILL be gone (don't
make yourself believe the illussion that he'll be waiting 4 or 5 years
down the road when your ready)
5 - You'll both be better off in a month after you cut it off

LOOK at my picture...Need I say MORE?

They may suck but they are the truth, and you're old enough to know I'm
right Dream.....

noooo slug dear....I AM RIGHT....I'M ALWAYS RIGHT AND NEVER
WRONG.....LMAOFOTF!

Well I have to agree with most of them here sit down with him and tell
him what you have said here if you can't say it let him read your words
while you are sitting down with him but you do need to be honest with
him completly. The thoughts you have in your mind will eat you alive if
you marry him knowing you really don't love him that way maybe in the
long run after talking maybe you will see things differnt but he should
have the chance to know how you truely feel about the situation. Getting
Married is a big step and should start off with honesty first and
foremost. So do what you know is in your heart that is right too do !

hi gal, sluggo first rule of a relationship is THE WOMAN is
always right................lmao

Txs, its people like this that get married that prove my case on that
other thread. You know what I'm saying?

I spent 5 years in the navy.I didnt get in a serious relationship while
I was in.I need time with my companion.Gone 3 and 6 months at a
time,several times was too much.You do not sound ready for this kind of
relationship.What ever you think now,temptation,sooner or later will
take over.For that reason,hanging out with other guys,and he is not
involved,trouble,sooner or later.