when yuo and your childs mother (father) think the children are asleep, and your having some fun in the bedroom, you hear all of a sudden the child saying "yes ma'am my daddy is on top of my mommy, and my mommy is screaming".
You run out of the room tying your robe, to find said child on the phone to 911.....

Oh yeah, 2 year olds and their mispronounced words. My daughter had a hard time with the word fork. Was in a restaurant and she screams out "I don't want a spoon.....I want a f**k". And yes EVERYONE in this restaurant turned to look.

hmmmm... lock up the peanut butter! my daughter painted herself and her sister, the walls, and beds with a 5 lb tub of peanut butter.... .the kicker? she was sleeping.

my son had problems with speech.. he would always say... Look mommy.. A fire F*** a Fire F***!

I found out that if you write a childrens book for your daughter about magical monsters that come out of muffins when you squish them that all muffins in the future make a really big mess

hmmmm... lock up the peanut butter! my daughter painted herself and her sister, the walls, and beds with a 5 lb tub of peanut butter.... .the kicker? she was sleeping.

my son had problems with speech.. he would always say... Look mommy.. A fire F*** a Fire F***!

That is just way to cute and creates wonderful memories. I started what we called the never-ending story with my daughters when they were young. Every night we would add another short chapter to the story. Still to this day, they are ages 22 and 23, one of us will out of the blue come up with another chapter for the story. But of course the story is now no longer rated G.

My daughter did come home from daycare over christmas singing a song....MY Balls keep falling on the floor....At first I was like...What? Later I found out it was to a christmas play she had been practicing for...she just repeating that part.

Funny stuff

the oil in peanut butter had to have been impossible to get off the walls

or on road trips watching 2 year old daughter in the back of the car giving a trucker the blow your horn arm sign and hearing her say that f**ker (trucker) wouldn't blow his horn.

How do you correct things like this when you are in tears from laughing?

My daughter did come home from daycare over christmas singing a song....MY Balls keep falling on the floor....At first I was like...What? Later I found out it was to a christmas play she had been practicing for...she just repeating that part.

OMG... i would have had to pull over.. hahaha! The peanut butter took forever to get off the walls.. Thank God for Simple Green... and all i could do was laugh.

For some strange reason when my daughter was around 4, she loved watching the black and white D**K van dyke show. She never really cared to watch television unless it was that show. I thought this is great old fashion non violent show and she likes it. Well it came back on me in a store when she was screaming out Mommy, I want to go home and watch my D**k AND dyke show. It didn't matter how many times I corrected her with D**K VAN Dyke, she still scream out D**k AND Dyke. Talk about getting some strange looks from people.

Awwwwww so sad, can't even talk about a television show with out getting bleeped

When my daughter was 3 and my son was 4 he dumped 4 different colors or nail polish on her head. It took a week to completely come out of her hair. I had to mix polish remover with her shampoo, thank god it didnt lighten her hair.

When my daughter was 5 she decided to cut her hair, didnt get mad cuz she cut it(she actually did a decent job and said she wanted to be like mommy) but i did get a little upset when i couldne figure out where the cut hair went and found it all in my bed under the covers...lol

how about in the middle of the theater....

" NO I DONT HAVE TO PEE MOM!!!! I WASNT HOLDIN MY PENIS SO I DONT HAVE TO PEE!!!!"