Ever been to another country and mailed anything??????? Our cost is very very cheap by comparision! Check it out and then ***** about a 41 cent stamp!!!

To my mature friends


Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel 's ear and she said, '' Mabel , do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?' Mabel answered, 'I have a suppository in my ear?' She pulled it out and stared at it.
Then she said, ' Ethel , I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid.'




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When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.
No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, 'You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea.' Replied the widow, 'I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big **** he always was.'




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An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the storm, when a wave came up and washed the old man overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find him, so the captain sent the old woman back to shore with the promise that he would notify her as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old woman got a fax from the boat. It read: 'Ma'am, sorry to inform you, we found your husband dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled him up to the deck and attached to his butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000. Please advise.' The old woman faxed back: 'Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.'





A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, 'Watch out for that wall!'



When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, 'I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.'
I said, 'Well, then why are you crying?' She said, 'He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon.
I said, 'Well, why are you crying?' She said, 'For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m.' I said, 'Well, why in the world would you be crying?' She said, 'I can't remember where I live!'




Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.' Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'


THE SENILITY PRAYER
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference

Its really like listening to a recording over and over. We have healthcare just go to the ER!!!!!

Its not even worth stating that we ALL PAY FOR IT WHEN THEY DO because it just dosnt get though to you. You probably believe that the hospitals, Dr's, nurses, xray tech, receptionist and the man sweeping the floor just says " Hey they cant pay so he11 we will just do it for nothing...Hey I got a Hurricane proof home in Florida if you are interested!!!!!!

Like I said anyway you twist it it is still PRIVATE PROPERTY!!! Because Alcohol is legal then I MUST LET people consume it on my property? Because someone has a prescription for pot then I must let them light up? Cigeretts are legal but try smoking in some places of business or my mothers home!!!!! PANDORAS BOX!!!!! "WINK"

Glenn Beck will not let people state their opinions. Even in his Town hall meetings if you dont say what he wants to hears he cuts you off!!!!! ONESIDE OPINIONS IS ALL HE IS!!!!

This Texas midget suffered almost continually from aching testicles. Eventually, he went to see a Urologist about the problem. The doctor had the midget stand on the exam table and drop his pants.

The doctor put one finger under the midget's left testicle and had him turn his head and cough. "Hmmm," mumbled the doctor. He then put one finger under the midget's right testicle and had him again turn his head and cough.

"Aha!" said the doctor as he reached for his surgical scissors.

Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side. Then, snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side. The midget was too scared to look or even breathe, but he realized that the snipping didn't hurt a bit.

The doctor helped the midget down from the table and told him to walk around a bit to see if his testicles still hurt. Absolutely delighted to find that his testicles no longer ached, the midget exclaimed, "Doc, they feel perfect, and I didn't even feel a thing! What did you do?"

The doctor replied, "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots."

Nick the Dragon Slayer had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the
beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts, but he knew the penalty for this
would be death. One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague,
Horatio, the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the
Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to
satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange
it.
Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and
poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon
after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being
summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the
Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if
applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests
had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the
antidote to cure the itch.

The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer.

Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote
for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for
the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and
magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and
Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and touted as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the
Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession
now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less and,
knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to
the King, shooed him away with no payment made.

The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same
itching powder into the King's shorts. The King immediately summoned
Nick the Dragon Slayer...

The moral of the story - - Pay Your Bills.

Hmmm is this from the same guy who wants the goverment (State of Florida) to allow people to carry guns on PRIVATE PROPERTY even if the owners of said property dont want it?

Hmmmmm But what do I know except that they soon will be telling you what YOU have to allow on yours!!!!!!!!!!!!

All I have to do is hear Glen Beck and I WONT give it the time of day whether its right or wrong!!!!!!!

Whats up Bro

The penis poem



MY NOOKIE DAYS ARE OVER, MY PILOT LIGHT IS OUT,

WHAT USED TO BE MY SEX APPEAL IS NOW MY WATER SPOUT,

TIME WAS WHEN, ON IT'S OWN FROM MY TROUSERS IT WOULD SPRING,

NOW IT'S JUST A FULL TIME JOB TO FIND THE FREAKIN' THING,

IT USED TO BE EMBARRASSING THE WAY IT WOULD BEHAVE,

FOR EVERY SINGLE MORNING IT WOULD STAND AND WATCH ME SHAVE,

NOW AS OLD AGE APPROACHES, IT SURE GIVES ME THE BLUES,

TO SEE IT HANG ITS LITTLE HEAD AND WATCH ME TIE MY SHOE



Personal Disclaimer: Sorry Dude!!!!!!!!!!!!

Agree its just continuation of Bush failed policys. Hows that 800 billion Bank
bailout working for byou How about the auto bailout intiateed by bush working for you;;;;??? I see many fourclosed houses with offers on them still sitting a year later...OPENED THE CREDIT MARKET UP The banks are not loaning money. All the banks did was cover "SOME" of their loses...I still find it funny and MAD brcause The Bush Addimistration failed to warn the american people what was happening. He didnt want it to happen on his watch as the Car bailout(Even tho the decline had been going on for years...HE LIED TO US AGAIN until he stood before the American people and demaned 800 billion to bail out the banks. I know you realize this happend over years and not months. Where were your conservative values when he ran a trillion $ deficet in 2 1/2 years, had an opertunity to atleast address the abortion issue and did nothing, The Patriot Act, and the Iraq war feasco in truley his mess!!!!

How are those conserative republicans standing by your values. I would love for you to shoW a difference in the two parties and what they do?

I beleive a good swat on the butt does no harm, dosnt promote viloence and all that crap!!! What I have found to work for me is If I am gonna spank my child I tell Her what she did wrong, WHY she is goona get spanked and the send her to her room and make her wait atleast ten minutes to carry it out. It gives me time to cool off and her time to realize what she did and why I am punishing her. Usually the wait is worst than the spanking could ever do. I spanked my daughter and she has grown up to be a fine woman and loves her dad!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you see your conserative values at work? 2 1/2 years to add a trillion dollars? Iraq a mess from the begining and the lies? The economey is sound one week and the the very NEXT WEEK "We need 800 billion $ or the financial market will fall? TELL ME WHERES THE DIFFERENCE????????????????????????????

WHAT DONT WONT TO ANSWER BECAUSE IM RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

AS YOUR CONSERVATIVE LEADER MIGHT HAVE SAID " TIME TO COWBOY UP OR SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Dont like Bush but dont let the boarder hit you in the azz when you leave....Running away from problems just makes you a COWARD!!!!!!!!

With the increase in costs I have incured how can it not effect the economey!!!!!!!!Over 400% in last ten years!!!! I have less money to spend on consumer goods. I HAVE HAD TO CUT BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Same pay check with less money!!!! Look at the rise in costs and what is spent on healthcare by ALL OF US and say it doesn't effect the economy

The way I see it Im already pay for them. My insurance has risen 400% IN TEN YEARS.....At this rate mine will become unaffordable in about 3 years///

The only way to stop the skyrocket is to denie care to people who cant pay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So who do you want to make that call????? Treat kids who parents cant pay but not adults who are low-lifes? Whos going to make that call?????

Do you see your conserative values at work? 2 1/2 years to add a trillion dollars? Iraq a mess from the begining and the lies? The economey is sound one week and the the very NEXT WEEK "We need 800 billion $ or the financial market will fall? TELL ME WHERES THE DIFFERENCE????????????????????????????

We Independents dont NEED to lie!!!! and we play a major role in all elections.........Its time to "Cowboy" up and stop all the partisanship BS if you want my vote!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We need two topics to ***** about the SAME PARTY!!! I have ask to show me a difference and got nothing yet I have posted where they are EXACLLY the same!!!!

He committed multiable felonies and should be in jail and forfeiture of his rights which in Florida up until last year was for LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That could be the Bush years too!!!!! You have failed to show any difference in the two parties!!!!!!!!!!!!1

You NEED TO TALK to your own party then. Fiscal Responabily$$$$$$$, The Patriot ACT!!!!!!!!!!, The Finicial crisis ( I blame both sides but the republicans had the power to atleast be honest about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, Abortion as so many so called "Conservatives are against it. WELL WHAT HAPPENED????? You had a chance and could of at least made it a state issue but DID NOTHING ABOUT IT!!!!!, The Iraq War feasco!!!!!! Health-care???? Bush vetoed a bill that would have expanded care to our own troops!!!!!!!!! Iran-Contra, Nixon, Saddam Hussien??????????????????Ect Ect ECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where all those "SO CALLED" values you talk about!!!!!!!!!!!!