It isn't a question I ask people, either, as I'm usually interested in finding out more about the person they are outside of work. Lots of people have asked me that question right off the bat, though.

I figured there would be some thoughts on this, as this is one of the typical first questions asked on a site like this.

Separated is still married. If someone told me they were not married and I found out they were actually separated, what they said would be a lie.

If someone is separated, they're still legally married, so "not married" would not apply.

Do you agree?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/30/the-one-question-to-stop-_n_4171266.html

Want To Kill A Conversation? Ask Someone What They Do

When you're introduced to someone for the first time, after you shake hands and exchange names, what's the first thing you ask? More likely than not, your default question is: "What do you do?"

We tend to drop this heavy question into conversation before almost anything else has been said, as a way to quickly gather information and start forming an image of the person we're speaking with. While the inquiry might seem harmless, it perpetuates a dangerous habit: The tendency to associate who we are with what we do.

"What do you do?" is the mother of loaded questions. According to Elizabeth Spiers, former editor-in-chief of the New York Observer, the traditional conversation-starter comes with a whole lot of other implicit questions, like "How much money do you make?" "Is what you do significant?" and "Do we have anything in common?"

For those who take pride in their title and the organization they work for, the question may come as a welcome opportunity to assert their status, and a chance to align who they are with the prestige of what they do. And for those who don't, it's simply a bad way to start a conversation.

"There is some refuge in institutional affiliation, as there is in certain job titles," Spiers wrote in a Medium blog post in May. "But what do all of these things really say about who we are? There’s a danger in conflating work with self, even if work has consumed everything we do."

And this points to the real problem. In our ambitious, success-driven culture, many of us do consider the person we are to be practically one and the same with the work we do -- and could use a reminder that, simply, we are not our jobs.

Of course, it's ideal for your work to be a reflection of who you are and a forum for self-expression. But when we lean on our careers as our main source of personal identity and validation, we risk associating the self entirely with the work we do. And it's a dangerous association -- one that leaves us feeling lost and empty when, inevitably, we leave our jobs and are forced to look elsewhere for a sense of worth.

"When I left my job, it devastated me. I couldn’t just rally and move on," Erin Callan, former chief executive officer of Lehman Brothers, wrote in a New York Times op-ed. "I did not know how to value who I was versus what I did. What I did was who I was."

Similarly, entrepreneur Ellen Huerta experienced something of an identity crisis when she left her glossy job at Google.

In a recent HuffPost blog, "Why I Left Google," Huerta describes the process of letting go of her job:

When I sat down and really thought about why I was resisting, I realized something about myself that I didn't like, something that I'm ashamed to even admit now. The main reason I was resisting was because I would be giving up the safety and prestige associated with life as a Googler. When I reflected more, I realized that external recognition had unfortunately become a primary motivator for me.
The problem is not in asking others what they do and sharing our own vocations, but in taking the answer as a foundation marker of a person's character and identity. And much like launching into a monologue about how busy or stressed you are when asked about your day, diving right into "what do you do" can be a surefire way to prevent yourself from making a real connection with the person you're speaking to.

Some people love what they do and find deep meaning in their careers, while others are happy to have jobs that pay the bills so that they can pursue their passions outside work. And still others have not had the freedom and financial means to pursue meaningful careers. In any case, who we are is a far more complex and wonderful thing that what we do.

Chuck Palahniuk may have described it best in Fight Club: “You are not your job, you're not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet... You are all singing, all dancing crap of the world.”

There are a million ways to start a conversation. If you're not sure how, here are a few ideas about to get things rolling:

Give a compliment
Comment on something awkward about the situation you're both in
Launch right into a funny story and hope for the best

If you are separated, but have not gotten a divorce, you're still married.

It was just something else that happened during the memorial that conservatives are whining about.

Some scrutinize way too much and blow things way out of proportion.

Meanwhile, back in the US, conservatives are attacking Obama left and right over a handshake and a picture during the memorial. So, we certainly have idiots here, too.

So, then you must hate the Danish Prime Minister even more, since it was her who pulled out her camera/phone to take the picture.

Maybe those who find this disgraceful and disrespectful in this kind of setting (not a funeral/memorial service where people are somber) can explain why.

You do realize this wasn't a funeral like we see here, right? It was a celebration.

http://blogs.afp.com/correspondent/?post/Selfie

The story behind "that selfie"

By Roberto Schmidt

So here’s the photo, my photo, which quickly lit up the world’s social networks and news websites. The “selfie” of three world leaders who, during South Africa’s farewell to Nelson Mandela, were messing about like kids instead of behaving with the mournful gravitas one might expect.

In general on this blog, photojournalists tell the story behind a picture they’ve taken. I’ve done this for images from Pakistan, and India, where I am based. And here I am again, but this time the picture comes from a stadium in Soweto, and shows people taking a photo of themselves. I guess it’s a sign of our times that somehow this image seemed to get more attention than the event itself. Go figure.

Anyway, I arrived in South Africa with several other AFP journalists to cover the farewell and funeral ceremonies for Nelson Mandela. We were in the Soccer City stadium in Soweto, under a driving rain. I’d been there since the crack of dawn and when I took this picture, the memorial ceremony had already been going on for more than two hours.

From the podium, Obama had just qualified Mandela as a “giant of history who moved a nation towards justice." After his stirring eulogy, America’s first black president sat about 150 metres across from where I was set up. He was surrounded by other foreign dignitaries and I decided to follow his movements with the help of my 600 mm x 2 telephoto lens.

So Obama took his place amid these leaders who’d gathered from all corners of the globe. Among them was British Prime Minister David Cameron, as well as a woman who I wasn’t able to immediately identify. I later learned it was the Danish Prime Minister Helle Thorning Schmidt. I’m a German-Colombian based in India, so I don’t feel too bad I didn’t recognize her! At the time, I thought it must have been one of Obama’s many staffers.

Anyway, suddenly this woman pulled out her mobile phone and took a photo of herself smiling with Cameron and the US president. I captured the scene reflexively. All around me in the stadium, South Africans were dancing, singing and laughing to honour their departed leader. It was more like a carnival atmosphere, not at all morbid. The ceremony had already gone on for two hours and would last another two. The atmosphere was totally relaxed – I didn’t see anything shocking in my viewfinder, president of the US or not. We are in Africa.

I later read on social media that Michelle Obama seemed to be rather peeved on seeing the Danish prime minister take the picture. But photos can lie. In reality, just a few seconds earlier the first lady was herself joking with those around her, Cameron and Schmidt included. Her stern look was captured by chance.

I took these photos totally spontaneously, without thinking about what impact they might have. At the time, I thought the world leaders were simply acting like human beings, like me and you. I doubt anyone could have remained totally stony faced for the duration of the ceremony, while tens of thousands of people were celebrating in the stadium. For me, the behaviour of these leaders in snapping a selfie seems perfectly natural. I see nothing to complain about, and probably would have done the same in their place. The AFP team worked hard to display the reaction that South African people had for the passing of someone they consider as a father. We moved about 500 pictures, trying to portray their true feelings, and this seemingly trivial image seems to have eclipsed much of this collective work.

It was interesting to see politicians in a human light because usually when we see them it is in such a controlled environment. Maybe this would not be such an issue if we, as the press, would have more access to dignitaries and be able to show they are human as the rest of us.

I confess too that it makes me a little sad we are so obsessed with day-to-day trivialities, instead of things of true importance.

Regardless of his actions? It's a picture! Definitely not something to get upset over.

A picture like this is news? Really? I guess to those who hate Obama so much that they'll b*tch about anything that has to do with him.

If you aren't her manager, it shouldn't be left to you to deal with. Her manager needs to step in.

I didn't say they had to like it. However, if you feel gay people need to grow a thicker skin and deal with reactions from people who don't like them, then I would think you'd think the same for the other side of it.

That being said, tolerance only goes so far. Expecting people to be tolerant of your intolerance doesn't really work.

Are you her manager? If so, it's something you just need to be honest about.

If you're going to say gay people should have a thicker skin and realize that people will dislike seeing them, then I'm sure you also feel the same about the other side. They should realize gay people will be around and learn to deal with it, right?

I always hear about places that only allow happy holidays, but have never had to deal with that. I do t know of any aces around here like that. I can understand if they do customer service and don't want to potentially offend customers.