I recently met a woman on another dating site. We have been texting and talking on the phone for the past two weeks. She lives in Il. While I Live in Ca. We are both insecure due to the fact that we have both been used, abused, cheated on, and lied to. So we both have trust issues. A problem came up yesturday where while we were texting each other, there were long preiods between her responces to me. First thought that entered my mind was that she was texting another guy at the same time that she was texting me. Has happened to me before. After a period of time I asked her about it. And she told me that she does have text friends that she has had for the past two years. Also, She expressed to me that most days she is busy around the house and dont have the phone near by. Which I can fully understand. Well, just meeting her a couple of weeks ago I realy dont know her all that well. She hasnt Comunicated to me all what she goes through in a day. So, that leaves me to wonder what she is doing during those moments of time that I am waiting for her responses back to me. I told her lastnight that if she is texting a friend at the same time that she is texting me. To please tell me, that way I can tell her that I will wait for her to finish with her friend to talk to her. Was I right or wrong in that? Also, I asked her to share with me what she goes through in a day. so i will beable to know why there are those long periods of texts silence. am I being fair? I want to do the right thing to honor her way of life. and wanting to give her the personal space that one requires. Any advice would be well apreciated. Thankyou

Umm.. do you want to know when she uses the restroom too? Sorry, but give her some space and don't be so worried if there are several minutes or so between text's. She might be "busy".

Thankyou. Point taken

You sound like a nice guy. Why not just give up the texting and call her every day or every other day. It's easier to have a conversation, you can get a lot from voice inflections and you won't spend the rest of your time wondering what she's doing. She will drop you like a hot potatoe if you keep asking why she doesn't reply all the time.
Good Luck!

I think a lot of people start to think all sorts of negative thoughts if somebody doesn't respond straight away.. But there are three things here..
1/ She might actually just be busy (if this is the case, you won't do yourself any favours by asking here awkward questions because you will give her the insight into your insecurities.. which isnt always advisable, especially if you don't really know her)
2/ If she is touching on an insecurity in the first place right now, you might need to back off a little bit for your own good. Maybe try not replying straight away to her texts (I think a lot of people play little games like that... obviously not much else better to do than make people feel insecure...)
3/ BUT THE BIG MUST DO HERE is that you could perhaps just give her the space and take some space yourself... Keeps things nice and fresh and think about what you say in your texts at least two times before you send them.. People do and say strange things and create unnecessary situations when all they should do is be themselves and remain objective... They say the devil is in the detail..

Hope this helps...

Here is the big thing you have to realize, when you meet someone on the internet and they live that far away...you have to realize they have another life and IF you can't trust A LOT, its never going to work. It would be great to think that she would drop everything and sit there and text you every single time she gets a text message from you BUT people do have other things going on.
It is very obvious that you do not trust this woman or the first thing you thought would not have been, oh she is texting someone else. Did it ever occur to you that maybe she was on the phone or she was actually cleaning and wanted to get things done? Why did you automatically think she was texting someone else? My question is, do you also have other text buddies? Usually if you question the other person about doing something its because you feel guilty about doing that.
I truly believe that everyone needs their space, so you really need to give her some space and try to trust her? This is why I won't do the long distance relationship...it drives people crazy. You don't get to see the person enough and you question every little thing. I believe some people are not good for LDR!!!
Good Luck

I agree!! Talking on the phone is so much more PERSONAL! I prefer to speak to someone over texting. JMO

You need to not wait around on her so much... Remember, this is a woman you have never met and have only talked to for a few weeks. Everyone has a daily life. Work, friends, cooking, cleaning, errands, even just relaxing and watching a movie. Sometimes even when I'm not busy I don't answer my phone because I'm just relaxing. Or I had a long day and don't feel like talking at that moment in time. It's normal. A "long period of silence" doesn't mean anything. It could just mean she's going about her normal daily life, as you should be doing. Don't be so available and waiting on her to call or text. It's really pretty "unattractive". Knowing about what she normally does is a day is fine, but asking her to tell you just so you can keep tabs on when she's busy and when she's not is almost a little obsessive in my opinion. Also, asking her to tell you when she's texting another friend as well is really not your place. She, especially at this stage, doesn't owe you an explaination of who and when she's talking to someone. If you keep going on like this you may push her away.
Try and let her come to you a little more. I know it's exciting to here from her... and you wanna talk more often but you have to let things just flow naturally.

You need to be secure with yourself before you can be secure with anyone else

Absolutely, and coming across as too needy and clingy is instant death to most potential relationships. You need to relax and not over think this stuff.

Don't want to stop the party

Really

But ya think there's lying goin on?

Lots of men and women lead oth ers on using these dating sites

She could. Just could be married. Have a boyfriend etc

To some this is a game

Be careful

I won;t say I am in the exact position, but i too am in a budding relationship with a beautiful woman and We both have seen some less than nurturing relationships.

I text her all the time. I am weird like that, just random stuff... a lot of times during the day, she doesn;t text me back right away. In the past I have had the "who is she talking to" syndrome, but with this relationship I am keeping those thoughts at bay.

As I am getting to know her, I am getting to know the way her day goes. She is not the type, like me, who keeps her phone at her side at all times. She has children and she is very active in them and their extra curricular time. She always finds time to talk to me and as time goes on, she is more and more willing to give me time when she can.

As I said, budding. It takes times for a flower to grow. We see each other, right now every other day, not matter what. It wasn't like that a month ago.

Take your time. If it's real, it will grow and expands as it should.

Smothering her will only only hurt the growth. or kill it.

Try something knew, even if you have to force yourself, eventually it will become a habit.

Have you ever dated anyone far away from you before? It takes ALOT of trust and patience. More than alot of people can handle I'm afraid to say.

So true Jill. I know I can't.

give her space or chances are she'll be gone. It can be a way for you to build trust. It might be worth the chance. Try not to let your mind run with thoughts that you don't know are true or not. Take it slow (don't be pushy) and be careful.

I never will again.

Exactly. The thing is that at this stage in their "relationship" she doesn't really owe you any explainations. So to ask her to tell you things like when she's talking to someone or give you a schedule of her day, isn't really your place right now. I'm not trying to be harsh or mean at all. I'm just giving you my point of view. But if it were me, and I was talking to some guy states and states away from me for only a couple of weeks... and he said some of the things to me that you listed here, it would scare me off. Fact is that learning the "rules of dating" just plain sucks.

Your stalker agrees..LOL

Thankyou all for your replies, coments and advice. While reading through them it made me realize that I have been mistaken in my actions and thoughts. Sinse this morning she has told me goodbye. And after reading the many replies, I can understand why. So,all I can do at this point is text her to tell her that I was a goof And deserved her to tell me bye. and to add a big im sorry. Please forgive me

Yea, I'm coming to that as well...difficult, I'm rather used to being cheated on or skipped over entirely. But I am making great strides in this area, and am proud of that.

Time will tell mate, time will tell. As humans we have limited amount of that, as well as patience. Communication, trust, and honesty...three fundementals to a healthy relationship.