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| Topic: baby mama drama | |
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So i met someone i really like finally....Talked about a week and a half every chance we got. went out on wednesday for drinks near her place. I met some of her friends and after drinks went to a nice dinner. Everything perfect so far..... we scheduled another date for saturday, was gonna spend the day together. I was excited, really liked her. Then my ex did not show up to pick up my daughter for weekend..."lives with me"....So i called and canceled. She asked why..."with an attitude"...and i explained. She was cool with it, but when i mentioned my ex trippen she said later i'm not dealing with that "baby mama drama"... So i say later don't let the door hit u in the azz on the way out. now she is back tracking and trying to call me to apoligize...so the question....Is it wrong for me to expect a woman to support me in my life? I mean i can't control my ex, so y hold it against me??? I told her early i had an ex that was a problem. Who the hell in this world is without some form of baggage at 41? I don't get it!
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You can look at this two different ways really...you have a child and if she doesn't accept that, then walk away. IF she doesn't have any children, why would she put up with any drama coming from your ex? I do know that my children are older, so don't want no drama.
You could not find a sitter? If you start dating, that might be something you want to consider. |
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Edited by
papersmile
on
Sun 02/21/10 08:02 AM
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it sounds like she got angry with the cancellation and lashed out at you without thinking.
i would imagine a mature adult would be a bit more accepting of the situation but i do understand being upset if the call came at the last minute. there's a nice way though to say you're upset. you weren't willing to invite the lady over for pizza and a board game with your child? |
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So i met someone i really like finally....Talked about a week and a half every chance we got. went out on wednesday for drinks near her place. I met some of her friends and after drinks went to a nice dinner. Everything perfect so far..... we scheduled another date for saturday, was gonna spend the day together. I was excited, really liked her. Then my ex did not show up to pick up my daughter for weekend..."lives with me"....So i called and canceled. She asked why..."with an attitude"...and i explained. She was cool with it, but when i mentioned my ex trippen she said later i'm not dealing with that "baby mama drama"... So i say later don't let the door hit u in the azz on the way out. now she is back tracking and trying to call me to apoligize...so the question....Is it wrong for me to expect a woman to support me in my life? I mean i can't control my ex, so y hold it against me??? I told her early i had an ex that was a problem. Who the hell in this world is without some form of baggage at 41? I don't get it! I've gone thru the same kinda stuff myself. I can only give you my best piece of advice. No matter what ANY woman says, as far as them supporting you being a Dad first, NONE of them want to deal with crap from your "other life." The best you can do, is try to find a woman who will understand that you will do your best to keep the drama out of her and your time. It helps if you are upfront, talk about the problem and can give her examples of how you do this. (I had to stop taking phone calls from my ex, as EVERY one turned from a discussion about the kids into blaming me for all her problems. Less phone conversations = less drama. If it is something important, she will leave a message.) Some women are just more understanding than others. It's a personality trait that you have to look for, just like you would look for kindness, generosity, etc. |
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Sounds like she's not very mature or understanding and may not be the best choice for you and your child.
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So i met someone i really like finally....Talked about a week and a half every chance we got. went out on wednesday for drinks near her place. I met some of her friends and after drinks went to a nice dinner. Everything perfect so far..... we scheduled another date for saturday, was gonna spend the day together. I was excited, really liked her. Then my ex did not show up to pick up my daughter for weekend..."lives with me"....So i called and canceled. She asked why..."with an attitude"...and i explained. She was cool with it, but when i mentioned my ex trippen she said later i'm not dealing with that "baby mama drama"... So i say later don't let the door hit u in the azz on the way out. now she is back tracking and trying to call me to apoligize...so the question....Is it wrong for me to expect a woman to support me in my life? I mean i can't control my ex, so y hold it against me??? I told her early i had an ex that was a problem. Who the hell in this world is without some form of baggage at 41? I don't get it! |
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Run, Forest, run!
Dating with kids is tough, if not damn near impossible when you have a psychotic ex. It'll take some serious looking to find someone willing to put up with the inevitable 'baby mama drama', as you so eloquently put it. Better keep that punting foot in practice. 
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Yes, I feel if she cant' find something else to do while you are stuck with your kid, she has issues, and unless she gets rid of them they will become your too...find another.
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So you called the would-be date and canceled her.
I assume you apologized, blaming the ex. She had a right to be upset. Maybe she could have been more supportive. It appears she thought about it and tried to explain that to you. And you turned away from that. So. You want from her what you can't give back. Understanding. Cross off another one??? |
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Run, Forest, run! Dating with kids is tough, if not damn near impossible when you have a psychotic ex. It'll take some serious looking to find someone willing to put up with the inevitable 'baby mama drama', as you so eloquently put it. Better keep that punting foot in practice. It will be tough. If they have never experienced it themselves, it will be very hard for them to understand what you are going thru. If they have gone thru it themselves, they will probably be past it in their divorce and not want to experience it again, even laterally. I don't envy your position. I can only tell you, with time, your relationship with your ex, MAY be able to improve, and then dating will get easier. |
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So you called the would-be date and canceled her. I assume you apologized, blaming the ex. She had a right to be upset. Maybe she could have been more supportive. It appears she thought about it and tried to explain that to you. And you turned away from that. So. You want from her what you can't give back. Understanding. Cross off another one??? Understanding of what? That she was upset? oohhh i figured she would be disappointed and frustrated but she said "later" didn't want to see me anymore. then she called back and said sorry. As for blaming it on my ex... here's the situation, my daughter waiting for her mom and she calls last minute and cancels, my daughter being disappointed was more important to me! As for me telling her the details....Should i lie? she asked...get a babysitter so i explained the details and said i'm staying with my daughter! |
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I would not have gotten a babysitter or invited the girlfriend over when my daughter is upset about her mom canceling on her. The only thing you can do in that situation is focus on your daughter and pay attention to her. Everyone and everything else has to be set aside for a bit.
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it sounds like she got angry with the cancellation and lashed out at you without thinking. i would imagine a mature adult would be a bit more accepting of the situation but i do understand being upset if the call came at the last minute. there's a nice way though to say you're upset. you weren't willing to invite the lady over for pizza and a board game with your child? Not early i'm not! I need to be sure that she is a keeper before i introduce her to my kids. |
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I would not have gotten a babysitter or invited the girlfriend over when my daughter is upset about her mom canceling on her. The only thing you can do in that situation is focus on your daughter and pay attention to her. Everyone and everything else has to be set aside for a bit. exactly! I spent the day with her! It's a "no brainer"! |
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So i met someone i really like finally....Talked about a week and a half every chance we got. went out on wednesday for drinks near her place. I met some of her friends and after drinks went to a nice dinner. Everything perfect so far..... we scheduled another date for saturday, was gonna spend the day together. I was excited, really liked her. Then my ex did not show up to pick up my daughter for weekend..."lives with me"....So i called and canceled. She asked why..."with an attitude"...and i explained. She was cool with it, but when i mentioned my ex trippen she said later i'm not dealing with that "baby mama drama"... So i say later don't let the door hit u in the azz on the way out. now she is back tracking and trying to call me to apoligize...so the question....Is it wrong for me to expect a woman to support me in my life? I mean i can't control my ex, so y hold it against me??? I told her early i had an ex that was a problem. Who the hell in this world is without some form of baggage at 41? I don't get it! The only thing you can do is hope women will understand, but if they can't, don't sweat it and send them on their way. She said 'baby mama drama'? wow. Man, I really respect you. There is some real trash out there that don't care who they bring around their kids, but you are all about being a dependable and responsible parent. Makes your ex look more and more like a loser every moment. |
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Run, Forest, run! Dating with kids is tough, if not damn near impossible when you have a psychotic ex. It'll take some serious looking to find someone willing to put up with the inevitable 'baby mama drama', as you so eloquently put it. Better keep that punting foot in practice. It will be tough. If they have never experienced it themselves, it will be very hard for them to understand what you are going thru. If they have gone thru it themselves, they will probably be past it in their divorce and not want to experience it again, even laterally. I don't envy your position. I can only tell you, with time, your relationship with your ex, MAY be able to improve, and then dating will get easier. Or you can decide that you don't want to put anybody else through the nightmare, quit dating until the kid is grown, and end up a 40 yr old hermit who hasn't gotten any action in forever like me.  Not a good option. I suggest the OP keep looking, and good call on not having a revolving door to your bedroom in front of your daughter. Your kid's gotta come first, always. Or at least until they're grown!  |
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Sounds like she can't go with the flow. You know, that whole serenity thing. If she can't adapt to a changing environment, maybe she needs to look elsewhere. My two cents.
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Did you let her know up front about your daughter? And that there is a chance you may have to reschedule dates if you are not able to find someone to watch her?
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i never bought into that 'kids always come first' attitude.
sure, in the majority of cases, yes. but not at every given moment, on any given day. we all have other priorities in our lives and sometimes the 'mom i have a birthday party to go to' gets put on the back burner while you grocery shop for an elderly parent with a sore back (for example). i think if you cancelled on her at the last minute, she has the right to be upset and, judging by the tone of your posts, it sounds as though your attitude with her might have been 'take it or leave it babe' and that wouldn't harbour any sympathy or empathy from most women. there's a nice way, and a not-so-nice way, to let someone down. |
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Edited by
Ruth34611
on
Sun 02/21/10 11:06 AM
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I am not suggesting that the world should constantly stop for the children. However, when you are just starting out dating someone I think it's very important not to introduce the children too early and to be sensitive to how they will feel when and if you do bring a new person into the family.
When a child has to deal with the rejection of a parent it can be devastating and they need the other parent there for support. That's what happened in this case. And, yes, it does matter how you phrase it. If your attitude and tone are "take it or leave it" that is insensitive to your date and possible life partner. It can be done in such a way to express your disappointment and sorrow in missing your date with them and asking them for their understanding toward your child. If they respond the way this woman did, I would probably see that as an indication that she is not a good match. |
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