Topic: Would you settle
yellowrose10's photo
Tue 02/23/10 02:31 PM
I've learned over the years not to settle. I want it all laugh

CatsLoveMe's photo
Tue 02/23/10 02:34 PM




Compatible? Do you mean getting along with? Or being exactly like you? A guy likes sports and cars, and you like gossip and shopping. Not compatible? A guy likes video games and poker, you like cooking and craft-making. Not compatible? When are people going to realize that your perfect mate probably won't have any similar interests to yours. That's what makes the whole relationship so unique. You have everything to share with them and they have everything to share with you. Embrace it, draw wisdom from it, and both of you will grow stronger from it.


I would say that not ALL interests are the same, but some certainly need to be. After all, if I met a guy who didn't like traveling, then what fun is him sitting home while I go take a vacation out of country. The interest in traveling should be there, even if it's not as extreme. I certainly wouldn't stop doing my interests if he didn't like them.

Of course, some differnt interests are good, certainly. I'm not as up on politics, but enjoy talking about and learning from somone who genuinely seems to care. Of course, it it went beyond interest to obsession, that might be another problem.



So you've sort of opened a door here. A man you're dating is very interested in sports but you are not. This man takes you to a sporting event and you see the action and the drama live, but you don't see what all the excitement is about. Isn't it better to learn a little about what makes him happy than to put your foot down and say that his interests bore me, more important? We should be extending olive branches, not putting up fences.


Certainly. And I have done so, depsite the fact that sports doesn't interest me. But most of the sports guys I've met tend to go into the fanatical obsessive aspect of it, even if they were hiding it before.

My motto tends to be "I'm willing to try anything once, but if it doesn't interest me, then I'm not going to fake it."

If you are living in two areas of the house, because neither of your interests are enjoyed by the other person, it may be time to rethink the relationship.


I'll agree with that. But why doesn't sports interest you? If he is willing to make an effort in something you're interested in. Would you be willing to do the same? Not a requiremaent but a courtesy.

no photo
Tue 02/23/10 03:54 PM

I'll agree with that. But why doesn't sports interest you? If he is willing to make an effort in something you're interested in. Would you be willing to do the same? Not a requiremaent but a courtesy.


I'm not sure where the courtesy part is needed for, sounds like someone is just sweeping their real feelings under the rug and we both know that won't last long. There has been a lot of research in this area. What is needed in a good relationship is known as a "Matched Opposite". Your left hand is in many ways different from the right, and by themselves they can do many things wonderfully, but TOGETHER they can accomplish amazing things. Imagine you were on a rowboat. It's a wide rowboat so it will take two to keep it going forward. You both need to agree which direction you're going to go (same value system). You both need to row at the same speed and rhythm, and yet also be content to stay on your side of the boat, otherwise the boat your both on will end up going in circles and drive both of you crazy. You need to find someone who understands you and can grow with you in the relationship. Someone who compliments you in some ways and is different in others, so you find each other always interesting and keep that spark alive. It's not that hard to do, in-fact it's rather natural and easy once people get over their obsession of just looking at profile pictures. Communication is important in all good relationships for a reason :thumbsup:

MiVidaLoca's photo
Tue 02/23/10 04:01 PM

Hell, at this point, I'd settle for someone who wasn't ****ing crazy.


LMFAOrofl

IndHick's photo
Tue 02/23/10 05:13 PM
waving I think I'm a pretty passionate guy. I've put candles out in the form of a lighted path for my soon to be ex-wife. I used to by her cards every week just to let her know how much I loved her. I, on alot of occasions run a hot bath for her. Then I would wash her back and her hair for her.

s1owhand's photo
Tue 02/23/10 05:24 PM
so if they are really really really HAWT,
is it possible to overlook a slightly low IQ?

laugh

no photo
Tue 02/23/10 05:33 PM

I've put candles out in the form of a lighted path


Rose peddles are less of a fire hazard... tongue2

TxsGal3333's photo
Tue 02/23/10 06:17 PM
Just to find one that your compatible with now days and comfortable being with them is hard to find these days.

But what one sees as settling may be the idea thing for the ones within the situation.

I have had the fireworks type of relationships but ya know those fireworks fizzle out at times and if the one your with, you are not compatible with as well as enjoy being with them you will feel as if you are the one that settled in the end.

Sure I want the whole enchilada as well but the older I get I have realized to have one that I'm at least attracted too and we go well together is more of what I'm looking for instead of the instant fireworks that always seems to fizzle out down the road.

Is that considered settling I don't think so instead it is looking at reality in the face....whoa

RD2112's photo
Tue 02/23/10 06:21 PM
i used to believe in that old song that said "if you can't be....with the one you love.....love the one your with" Sorry! No-Can-Do. Too much time gets wasted on pretending to have a great relationship. I would settle if i was shipwrecked with Ginger or Maryann

undiscoveredgem's photo
Tue 02/23/10 06:35 PM
Amen sister. I am way too valuable as a person to give myself to someone who doesn't respect my worth. I give 100% and deserve the same. At one point in my life I would've allowed myself to, but these days I just want love, peace and harmony.....and that's with or without someone.

EquusDancer's photo
Tue 02/23/10 09:17 PM




Certainly. And I have done so, depsite the fact that sports doesn't interest me. But most of the sports guys I've met tend to go into the fanatical obsessive aspect of it, even if they were hiding it before.

My motto tends to be "I'm willing to try anything once, but if it doesn't interest me, then I'm not going to fake it."

If you are living in two areas of the house, because neither of your interests are enjoyed by the other person, it may be time to rethink the relationship.


I'll agree with that. But why doesn't sports interest you? If he is willing to make an effort in something you're interested in. Would you be willing to do the same? Not a requiremaent but a courtesy.


Sports really doesn't interest me in general. Watching a car go round and round in a circle is silly. Watching guys pat each other on the arse-ends is, well, gay. There's very little purity in sports anymore, as everyone is popping pills and steroids and lying about it.

I pop in long enough to watch the Triple Crown runs with horses, but even that is less and less due to the moral issues of running a 2 year old to death, literally.

I have been known to curl up with my head in the guys lap and read while he watches whatever is on, and will occassionally watch and ask questions, but that's really about as into it as I get.

I have no interest in faking the interest to get or keep a guy. He can take me as I am. I know most guys have no real interest in my animals, so I don't ever really expect them or their help with doing animal related stuff. We would each have our own interests, but also have mutual interests, and one hopes there's more mutual then not.

no photo
Tue 02/23/10 10:03 PM
In some countries they still have arranged marriages. Wow, I guess you would have to learn to be compatible with the other person.smokin

EquusDancer's photo
Tue 02/23/10 10:08 PM

In some countries they still have arranged marriages. Wow, I guess you would have to learn to be compatible with the other person.smokin


And look how few and far between those countries are anymore. Obviously most people didn't think and don't think even now that that is a great idea.

mscherbear's photo
Tue 02/23/10 10:21 PM
Edited by mscherbear on Tue 02/23/10 10:24 PM
I did it once and was married to him for 11 long years. He is a nice enough guy, but "it" just wasn't there for me. Thought it could grow into more, but eventually realized it only gets worse with time. I refuse to do it again!

Monier's photo
Tue 02/23/10 10:22 PM

Hell, at this point, I'd settle for someone who wasn't ****ing crazy.


You know, I'm starting to think the same thing.

no photo
Tue 02/23/10 10:23 PM

Watching a car go round and round in a circle is silly.


It's not a circle it's an oval tongue2

Ladylid2012's photo
Tue 02/23/10 10:25 PM
Different people have different needs. My sister became a widow just weeks before her 40th birthday and fell into another relationship within months with a friend who was there to just help her through the difficult time. They have been together for 6 years now and she has said she never fell in love with him, rather the comfort and friendship he was able to give her. To me it always looked like she settled, to her it works and she has no intentions of being with anyone else. She seems at least content.

I like to think anyway that I can have it all. Sure the initial euphoria of "falling in love" changes over time. I would never want to be thinking some time down the road if I did the right thing or not. It wouldn't be fair to this man or myself.

EquusDancer's photo
Tue 02/23/10 11:18 PM


Watching a car go round and round in a circle is silly.


It's not a circle it's an oval tongue2


Oh for pete's sake! :tongue:

msharmony's photo
Tue 02/23/10 11:24 PM


In some countries they still have arranged marriages. Wow, I guess you would have to learn to be compatible with the other person.smokin


And look how few and far between those countries are anymore. Obviously most people didn't think and don't think even now that that is a great idea.


for whatever reason, those marriages do seem to last longer,,,,but families are usually closer and know their 'kids' much better to pick partners for them.

Papertigers's photo
Tue 02/23/10 11:26 PM
Thats bull, nobody should have the right to choose who they want to marry taken away from them.