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| Topic: Why do men feel the need to do things for me? | |
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Sometimes ya just gotta pet our ego's. WE men (Dudleys) like ta think ya sit and paint yer nails waitin for us to call, so ya can ask us for help (Nells) so we can rush to yer rescue n save the day.( Mountie) Don't be bashin us (Snidleyin) by tellin us you can fix yer own toilet. It Just Aint......DoRight!!!!!  He He. Too funny. I too remember those cartoons. |
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Navygirl Sounds to me your friends just want to bless you and it brings them value to do so. I don't think they view you as anything but competant. One choice would be to just accept the unrequested help because it blessed them to do it. The only way they would regret helping is if you received it poorly. This would be your worst choice. Tell them. "thank you. I was truly just seeking advice but your help was very kind and unexpected. I value our friendship". If I may be more direct. This sounds more about your feelings than their intent. It's a big no no to place responsibility on the other person on changing something for your feelings unless It's inappropriate what they are doing. But if they did work that you were looking forward to doing, that's different. Let it go this tome but next time start there. "I am looking forward to building a torture chamber in my basement and I want some advice.". Then it should be clear you want to do the work. I won't lie that when they think they need to do things for me; at times I feel like a real dummy. On the flip side of the coin; I don't want to be a burden to them either. Actually I could care less who does the job but when I phone for advice; that isn't a hint for them to do it for me. I am not the coy type to drop hints like that; I straight forward with both of the guys so there is no misunderstanding. I do appreciate when they do really insist on coming over to lend a hand but I can't help but feel I am taking away valuable time from them. One guy was going to come over today to help me take apart my trailer but I put my foot down and told him to enjoy his day off and sit by his pool to take some time to relax. What do you know; he actually did just that. I care for both my friend's health and welfare; so they also need time to unwind. He He, I do like the torture chamber thing but nothing those two; they would want to help. They truly are angels and I do treasure them both for their kindness. This is just my opinion( or thought I had), but maybe they just see you as a woman? Not a tough as nails military person? I am not putting anyone down for being a strong woman, because I hope I am one also. After so long of having to do everything ourselves, we don't feel we need to ask for help. BUT, it could be your friends are gentleman, and hate to see a woman having to do harder things herself. They may also feel bad that you 'don't have a man around' to help sometimes, so they are trying to fill that void, so to speak. it may be frustrating to you, and I understand that, but I was kind of thinking, even if you told them flat out, I don't need your help, they would still find a way to do whatever it is that you are trying to do. |
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Navygirl
If I came over to your your house to help, I would defiantly have an ulterior motive and because I just would anyway. 
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Edited by
navygirl
on
Sun 09/09/12 09:49 AM
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Navygirl Sounds to me your friends just want to bless you and it brings them value to do so. I don't think they view you as anything but competant. One choice would be to just accept the unrequested help because it blessed them to do it. The only way they would regret helping is if you received it poorly. This would be your worst choice. Tell them. "thank you. I was truly just seeking advice but your help was very kind and unexpected. I value our friendship". If I may be more direct. This sounds more about your feelings than their intent. It's a big no no to place responsibility on the other person on changing something for your feelings unless It's inappropriate what they are doing. But if they did work that you were looking forward to doing, that's different. Let it go this tome but next time start there. "I am looking forward to building a torture chamber in my basement and I want some advice.". Then it should be clear you want to do the work. I won't lie that when they think they need to do things for me; at times I feel like a real dummy. On the flip side of the coin; I don't want to be a burden to them either. Actually I could care less who does the job but when I phone for advice; that isn't a hint for them to do it for me. I am not the coy type to drop hints like that; I straight forward with both of the guys so there is no misunderstanding. I do appreciate when they do really insist on coming over to lend a hand but I can't help but feel I am taking away valuable time from them. One guy was going to come over today to help me take apart my trailer but I put my foot down and told him to enjoy his day off and sit by his pool to take some time to relax. What do you know; he actually did just that. I care for both my friend's health and welfare; so they also need time to unwind. He He, I do like the torture chamber thing but nothing those two; they would want to help. They truly are angels and I do treasure them both for their kindness. This is just my opinion( or thought I had), but maybe they just see you as a woman? Not a tough as nails military person? I am not putting anyone down for being a strong woman, because I hope I am one also. After so long of having to do everything ourselves, we don't feel we need to ask for help. BUT, it could be your friends are gentleman, and hate to see a woman having to do harder things herself. They may also feel bad that you 'don't have a man around' to help sometimes, so they are trying to fill that void, so to speak. it may be frustrating to you, and I understand that, but I was kind of thinking, even if you told them flat out, I don't need your help, they would still find a way to do whatever it is that you are trying to do. Good point actually. I think that makes a lot of sense. I agree with you that they are gentlemen and honestly I am not used to that. I know both worry about me when I am having to do something involved with heavy lifting or very physical work as they worry about me hurting myself as I will admit being a woman I don't have the upper body strength of a man. I have had the odd injury and they feel responsible that they weren't there for me but I always reassure them that one they were sweet to care but its simply not their responsibility and especially not their fault that I am such a clutz. The clutz statement usually makes them feel better as they know for sure that I caused the injury and not the task.  I have told them both flat out that I don't need their help but you are right they do find a way to do the task despite that. One of the guys has my house keys and alarm code so he can check my house when I am out of town. He sneaks in at times to do things for me behind my back. I don't get mad at him for doing that; rather I treat him for lunch or bake for him to thank him as he won't take money from me for his work. In a way; this whole situation does frustrate me as when I am asking a question about a task; that in now way is it a hint for them to fix it as I truly want to do it myself.I tell my one friend I need to pick his brilliant brain for ideas and he is slowly learning to at least let me try it myself before he comes over and does it for me. I have to admit; I am blessed to know they are both sweet enough to care for me. I think its ironic that they are treating me better than the guys that actually dated me.
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Navygirl If I came over to your your house to help, I would defiantly have an ulterior motive and because I just would anyway. And just what would that ulterior motive be? 
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you women give us men tooooo much credit.
We are really just hoping you will find our.... Plumbers crack attractive.... and we might get..... Lucky!!!!! 
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you women give us men tooooo much credit. We are really just hoping you will find our.... Plumbers crack attractive.... and we might get..... Lucky!!!!! 
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ok.....I guess there may be a wee bit o motive behind that!!!!
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ok.....I guess there may be a wee bit o motive behind that!!!! Thanks for the laugh. I am a hurting unit this morning and needed a good chuckle. |
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Navygirl If I came over to your your house to help, I would defiantly have an ulterior motive and because I just would anyway. And just what would that ulterior motive be? I would be working up the confidence to ask you to model the lieutenant Uhuru outfit. Then go from there. 
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ok.....I guess there may be a wee bit o motive behind that!!!! Thanks for the laugh. I am a hurting unit this morning and needed a good chuckle. Ahhhhhh...........My work here is.....Done!!!
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Navygirl If I came over to your your house to help, I would defiantly have an ulterior motive and because I just would anyway. And just what would that ulterior motive be? I would be working up the confidence to ask you to model the lieutenant Uhuru outfit. Then go from there. Is that all? Ah, I would do that for you even if you didn't help me in the house. 
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Lol. Well all the responses I came up with are printable. But I know why everyone wants to come over and help you. Your a blast. I'll email you my responses. The masses will have to just use wonder.
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Maybe they just want to help? Not everyone has an ulterior motive for doing things. It's easy for a guy to use work to manipulate there way into a gals life. That happens a lot. But some of us truly find great pleasure helping or serving others and the joy is in the service and we really are not looking for anything other than that pleasure. And sometimes gals feel appreciation and/or affection for the gesture. And sometimes the gal is reluctant. I figure men in the past used service as a trap on them. It's frustrating when a kind gesture is read wrong. An invite to the bedroom or an acusation that your deceitful. I think it's something a lady can wisely evaluate if you take time and don't rush into assuming why we helped. We give clues. And sometimes a kind gesture recieved correctly later turns into an interesr When it is read wrong sometimes we run and don't come back. Not because we don't like you. It's because it got messed up. Sincerely Nice guy Not just a spokesman but an active member. So, you're helping in hopes that she reads the clues correctly to tell that you're doing it because you're interested? |
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Maybe they just want to help? Not everyone has an ulterior motive for doing things. It's easy for a guy to use work to manipulate there way into a gals life. That happens a lot. But some of us truly find great pleasure helping or serving others and the joy is in the service and we really are not looking for anything other than that pleasure. And sometimes gals feel appreciation and/or affection for the gesture. And sometimes the gal is reluctant. I figure men in the past used service as a trap on them. It's frustrating when a kind gesture is read wrong. An invite to the bedroom or an acusation that your deceitful. I think it's something a lady can wisely evaluate if you take time and don't rush into assuming why we helped. We give clues. And sometimes a kind gesture recieved correctly later turns into an interesr When it is read wrong sometimes we run and don't come back. Not because we don't like you. It's because it got messed up. Sincerely Nice guy Not just a spokesman but an active member. So, you're helping in hopes that she reads the clues correctly to tell that you're doing it because you're interested? You know Sing; I will tell you I am usually clueless when a man expresses interest in me at the best of times. I know in my situation that neither man is interested in me as one is an ex boyfriend and the other is married. I would think though if a man is going out of his way to help me; it would be an indication that he is interested in me as he is showing he cares about me. Makes sense to me when I think about it. |
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Exactly. Just don't read into it too quickly. Good quality nice guys want to help for the main reason of helping. Doesn't mean there not interested either. They just wouldn't use manipulation to make you feel obligated. Never. It would torture him if you felt obligated.
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Maybe they just want to help? Not everyone has an ulterior motive for doing things. It's easy for a guy to use work to manipulate there way into a gals life. That happens a lot. But some of us truly find great pleasure helping or serving others and the joy is in the service and we really are not looking for anything other than that pleasure. And sometimes gals feel appreciation and/or affection for the gesture. And sometimes the gal is reluctant. I figure men in the past used service as a trap on them. It's frustrating when a kind gesture is read wrong. An invite to the bedroom or an acusation that your deceitful. I think it's something a lady can wisely evaluate if you take time and don't rush into assuming why we helped. We give clues. And sometimes a kind gesture recieved correctly later turns into an interesr When it is read wrong sometimes we run and don't come back. Not because we don't like you. It's because it got messed up. Sincerely Nice guy Not just a spokesman but an active member. So, you're helping in hopes that she reads the clues correctly to tell that you're doing it because you're interested? You know Sing; I will tell you I am usually clueless when a man expresses interest in me at the best of times. I know in my situation that neither man is interested in me as one is an ex boyfriend and the other is married. I would think though if a man is going out of his way to help me; it would be an indication that he is interested in me as he is showing he cares about me. Makes sense to me when I think about it. I wouldn't necessarily assume a guy is interested just because he offers to help. I know some pretty awesome guys who would help out someone if they need, without wanting to be more than friends. |
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Maybe they just want to help? Not everyone has an ulterior motive for doing things. It's easy for a guy to use work to manipulate there way into a gals life. That happens a lot. But some of us truly find great pleasure helping or serving others and the joy is in the service and we really are not looking for anything other than that pleasure. And sometimes gals feel appreciation and/or affection for the gesture. And sometimes the gal is reluctant. I figure men in the past used service as a trap on them. It's frustrating when a kind gesture is read wrong. An invite to the bedroom or an acusation that your deceitful. I think it's something a lady can wisely evaluate if you take time and don't rush into assuming why we helped. We give clues. And sometimes a kind gesture recieved correctly later turns into an interesr When it is read wrong sometimes we run and don't come back. Not because we don't like you. It's because it got messed up. Sincerely Nice guy Not just a spokesman but an active member. So, you're helping in hopes that she reads the clues correctly to tell that you're doing it because you're interested? You know Sing; I will tell you I am usually clueless when a man expresses interest in me at the best of times. I know in my situation that neither man is interested in me as one is an ex boyfriend and the other is married. I would think though if a man is going out of his way to help me; it would be an indication that he is interested in me as he is showing he cares about me. Makes sense to me when I think about it. I wouldn't necessarily assume a guy is interested just because he offers to help. I know some pretty awesome guys who would help out someone if they need, without wanting to be more than friends. I agree it could indeed be friendship and doesn't necessarily mean he is interested but I think when you are around that person; you or someone else can pick up on the fact that they might be interested in you. My friend; the firefighter came in to just drop me a coffee off at work; my CEO and CFO were there and told me later that just by the way he looked at me that he really liked me. Of course; I never picked up on it as I am clueless. I finally just came out and asked him and he admitted he did have a crush on me but of course would never act on it as he is married. I think both Hikerjohn and I were just saying that it could be that the guy might be interested in you but certainly doesn't mean that the interest might just be friendship. |
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you women give us men tooooo much credit. We are really just hoping you will find our.... Plumbers crack attractive.... and we might get..... Lucky!!!!! Thanks for the visual! 
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you women give us men tooooo much credit. We are really just hoping you will find our.... Plumbers crack attractive.... and we might get..... Lucky!!!!! Thanks for the visual!
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