Hey......I got cute plumbers cra......

Ohhhh....

Nevermind!!!!!

I will bring my Spackle!

Industrial strength???

I have a good leather needle if you want to sew it up?

I will never get that image out of my mind.

well i think that's because socially, males grew up being taught that if there's a problem, they need to physically fix it. i think when a man cares for a woman, he's willing to help her where he can, and a man tends to be good at tackling concrete problems (such as radiator problem or broken doorknob, etc.) but not apt to be great emotional rocks.

i think when men offer to help you with something, accept it and thank them for being thoughtful and helpful because men like and need to be needed and wanted (just as women). men offer to help out not because they don't think you're not capable... it's just the mere fact that they're showing you they care. men tend to show care by actions and women show care through words/emotional encouragement. men are taught to take pride and value what they can do- much like a provider.

when i was 17 and got with my ex, he came around to my apartment and fixed everything in it and cleaned it too. when my bike wasn't running so well, he took it apart and reassembled it. whenever i was sad, he'd hug me but would do something for me to help cheer me up- like take me out to my favorite restaurant. men respond to actions. i knew my ex loved me tremendously because he was willing to do anything and everything for me, and i didn't even have to ask!

It's that old porn scenario....you know the one. The pool man coming to fix clean the woman's pool and yet (SURPRISE)...she just doesn't have a dern pool. (Cue bow chick wow wow music). Theory. Go to fix something for a lady and she will reward you with good ole porn story love. Ok...so this theory only applies to the porn world, but hey! If that world ever truly exists one day, lotta of pool cleaning gonna be going on.

Its not that I don't appreciate their help but when I ask for advice; that is really all I want and its not a hint for them to come over and actually do the job for me. I know both guys care about me but equally I care about them that I don't wish to be a burden on them. They have their own stuff to do. Just today; one of the guys came over to help me with my little chalet trailer I bought and he was a bit peeved that I had already taken the trailer apart and had it half way out of my yard. I did let him give me a hand pushing it in to my garage though and thanked him for his help and loan of his trailer jacks. This man is trying to work on three different houses, a job; and trying to help me. I think its a bit much for him and I worry he may overwork himself to sickness. I also like to do things for myself as it gives me a great sense of accomplishment. My friend already said the "we" when mentioning working on the trailer but it shouldn't be we; it should be me. However; I will let him help me out from time to time as there are a few things I think I may need help with.

You can't go wrong offering to help a friend. It's possible to go wrong not offering the help.

This is true.

Another thought. Sometimes life gets boring and just working on someone else
Stuff is work but a break from our own work or life. I've done that.

navygirl..I think there is a "price" involved in every "transaction." (Even if money doesn't change hands.)...Some people have a tendency to "rush-in" when "help" is needed and may even try to "take-over." (With "good intentions!")...Some people don't stop and examine what their role should be when someone in their life is facing a problem of one kind or another...They don't always give the person they are "helping" any praise or credit for what they "know." Or much praise or credit for what they have already "done" on their "own."...They can become a little "single-focused" in other words. And they rush-in to get the job "done." Or rush-in to try to "fix" or "save" someone etc..As a Mom of 2 sons I wanted to help my kids learn to do new things without "taking-over." I wanted them to see their abilities and "potential" in other words...And sometimes my sons amazed me and learned quickly and far "surpassed me" in certain areas. And this was great! I always felt proud of them and never wanted to be "in competition" with them!...It doesn't feel good to be put in a "one-down position." I've run into some of this "stuff" with a few "well-meaning" friends since my husband passed-away and my son got sick.

Oops! I ended-up with a duplicate post so I'll write something else..Lately I've been a little more careful and selective when it comes to what I "share" with the people in my life..I'm really and truly on my "own" now. (My husband and my sons are "gone" now.)...And I need to build-up my confidence in myself and my abilities...As I stated in my earlier post I have some "well-meaning friends" who sincerely want to "help." But their "help" comes with a few "strings" at times. They expect me to "fall in line" and step-aside while they rush-in and "do for me" and make plans for me etc..This is not what I need right now. I need people around me who see my strength and abilities and "cheer me on!" (People who "believe" in me!)...I'm not against "accepting help" at times. (Just like I enjoy "helping others" when need be!) But I don't want to be treated as an "incompetent child!" And I don't want to treat other adults this way either!

You know that makes sense too. Never really thought of that angle.

I think you could have a point that they do have good intentions. I don't mind them helping me when I really get stuck or just not sure how to proceed with something and both men know that. Its just that now when I ask an opinion; I have to follow with; "I don't want you to do this for me; just want your opinion". I do think that both men are so used to doing things for women that its just natural to want to step in and do things for me despite that I can do quite well for myself. I think both guys are sweet for wanting to help but sometimes they just let me have to stand on my own two feet. I guess the frustration is they won't let me do things for them or even assist them. I would love to be able to help them with their home renos but they refuse to take my help. I almost feel at times that I am taking advantage of them which makes me feel horrible.

Okay; you lost me. Where did I say there was an ulterior motive? I just said; it makes me feel bad as I don't want to take advantage of them.

navygirl...I'm a big advocate of "fair and balanced" and "equal" relationships. (Where everyone's skills and talents are honored and recognized.)...And I prefer relationships that involve "doing" and "helping" and "thanking" on both sides...Naturally we all go through times when we might need "more help" for various reasons. But as soon as we get back on our "feet" we can recipocate when need be. RIGHT?...This way everyone takes turns "giving" and "receiving." And everyone feels valued and highly regarded for his/her skills and area of expertise..I watched my Mom unwittingly hold her youngest sister "back." My Mom was the oldest in her family and the "rock" and "top dog." And no matter what my Aunt did (all during her life) she could never "measure-up" in my Mom's eyes...For some reason my Mom just couldn't give-up her "top-dog" role when it came to her youngest sister...Eventually my Mom "stepped-aside" and acknowledged that I was "all grown-up." But she could never do this with her sister even though my Aunt was 20 years older than me...I grew-up as an only child. But every so often I run into some "older sisters" or "older brothers" who try to play-out this role with me even though I'm not part of their family...I recognize the "signs" based on how my Mom treated her youngest sister. And I remind these friends that I'm not used to "falling in line" because I grew-up as an only child.